Trying to remove shame

[Sa****]

You are correct Kingsport

[Cu****]

Me too

i am Going through a divorce, I always wanted to try things and have fun and when we got together he was seemingly keen, eventually it turned plain vanilla and I spent 15 years feeling ashamed that I was wanting such different things that I settled!

now I see what I lost because of someone else’s beliefs and regret giving up on myself because of it.

you are who you are and want what you want, you shouldn’t feel and carry shame because of someone else’s beliefs, put yourself first and the shame will Disappear soon enough when you discover happiness for yourself again 

[Sklavinjulio]

Honestly that’s how everyone should think time past fast and if we don’t do what we feel good about it we will always regret it👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Li****]

Sounds like you got tricked like me...mine put on a whole front about being sex positive and kinky... she hits the "no wall" right around fuzzy hand cuffs from spencers...and im standing there awkwardly with a rubber fist

[fo****]

Lol that image of you just holding a rubber fist and a backpack full of everything associated with the word "kinky"


On the topic of shame though, that feels like the most disabling emotion for me.

[hi****]

Sounds like you get bored easily and are often looking for the next experience/ thrill. Probably a daredevil. Perhaps you didn't explore enough together and let it flow naturally. Maybe expected too much or for it to always be ground breaking or earth shattering. You say you have concerns about your appearance. Perhaps she did too. And remember sex isn't just about performance or it being perfect. It can be fun frantic frustrating and freeky. Anything can become vanilla if you do the same over and over.

Hope you get to explore your likes next time round.

[hi****]

If you have to be shamed of anything in your life then you shouldn't be doing it.

[Deleted Member]

I know this is commented late, but I want to say my peace. I was a new idiot once. Those older and hunting for fresh innocence make a mess of their prey. Meeting someone nice will change your world and right many of the wrongs. Someone nice will even ease your pts. I'd search for a patient lover more your age who desires to experiment and wants to figure out what they like too. Life might take you separate ways later on, but you end up healing each other. Fond memories will create new standards, and you will be of mind to never do onto another what was wrongly done to you. I send my well wishes, may you find peace and sweetness.

[Go****]

Wow there is some real nonsense here. Let's start with the obvious even though many well deny it. We have all done something at some point in our life that we regret and we've All done something in our life at one point or another that we feel ashamed of or at least we should feel ashamed of even if we're so disconnected from society that we don't realize it. In your case, you said something a little bit different. You indicated that you were ashamed for wanting to do things that your partner who was a little bit more vanilla did not want to. I'm not a counselor and can't help you feel better for yourself, but there is no shame there. If we turn it back around, would you expect her to feel ashamed because she doesn't want to do anything more than vanilla? Of course not. Or living in a society now that wants to tell everyone that they are bad. The same people try to exert sadness and control by saying things that shame you. However, there is good news. We're also living in a society right now where people have unprecedented access to information. And that leaves you in a position where you can now easily find other people with your same interests. Not saying that it's easy to meet up with them and make that relationship. Most of the women on these apps receive 1,000 or so messages per day. You can imagine that most of the messages never even get read just out of the fact there is not time for them to read them all. So yes, it's hard. And even decated that you may not be the best looking guy. On the apps like this it will be harder for you because as they're going through those thousands of messages, they're coming across people with their same interests who are better looking than you. That's okay, it's kind of a mixture of ways that you can look at things. The easiest way for a man to meet a woman is not on a dating app, it's in person. This is because you meet people and are hanging out with them for a little bit and they see that you're a good person and then you ask them out on a date. They already know you, they've already accepted you, and so the likelihood of an acceptance is better. Of course that doesn't mean that they're going to be into the same things as you. So as you're dating in that way, stay right here on the apps surrounded by people who have the same kinks as you and sooner or later you will find the right person either here on the apps or through your activities in real life. So how can you find a person in real life. Just go do something. Go to something like " meetup" and find something that you're interested in, for example like hiking, join one of the groups and go hiking. Now you are in a situation where everyone's comfortable because they're not trying to necessarily hook up, But you are still meeting people and have the potential. Quit whining about your past, oh that's doing is making you feel bad in the present. Go have some fun