Ddlg concerns

[Angel_Seven]

When I first got into kink the idea of ddlg was so exciting to me but as I look much younger than I am (and didn’t make very safe choices with my partners) I’ve come to see it as a loophole for pedophillia (at least in the positions I’ve been placed in and how I was treated both in and out of dynamics).  Since then I’ve still age regressed by myself but only used it as a coping mechanism for anxiety.

I was wondering how the rest of the community sees ddlg as for me thinking about it in any setting sfw or otherwise with any kind of caregiver feels  gross to me and I want to remedy that. Does anyone have any advice on how to look at this in a more positive light or dismantle stigma around this dynamic?  

I likely won’t take it further but  it is a goal of mine to be comfortable regressing with my partner in an sfw space. 

[Deleted Member]

My advice would be to start by talking with another agent regressor (🙋🏾‍♀️🫱🏽‍🫲🏾) or a trusted friend who won’t judge you if you do happen to regress around them and/or can understand and empathize with what you’re going through.

[Deleted Member]

i meant age** sorry auto correct 😅

[Dr****]

There is a lot that can be done to remedy our help you.
First.. Age regression isn't anything to be made to make you uncomfortable. It should be a safe space. Clear communication is the key. As someone who has many little friends, it is also not something to sexualized. Having a partner that is a little can be done properly with limits, boundaries, and clear guidelines.
Set boundaries, such as, during Age Regression, nothing sexual. Only coloring, dress up, playing, etc. No boundaries crossed.
One can date a little and still have a physical relationship. The key is knowing when to turn it off. I had a discussion with a friend before about a similar thing. There is a time and place for things. During sexual interactions, you must be able to turn off certain sides.

Example... I can not and will not have anything sexual with someone in Little Space. If they want to be intimate, they must be their age. When they were in Little Space, I would watch, discipline, reward, interact as a parent or caregiver would, and make sure they were safe. If someone bothered them in their safe space, I would step in. Even cuddling them to they passed out, tucked them into bed, kissed their forehead, and left them.

There are people who use the fact they date a little as a way to, as you put it, "find a loophole for pedophilia"
But with clear boundaries and limits set, you can have your safe space.
Find a local community and build relationships with others with similar interests.
If you have any questions on how to find local groups, feel free to reach out, and I'll help you find ways to look up groups.

I hope this makes you feel better about finding a safe space. You should never have to feel uncomfortable about what you are interested in.

[Bl****]

I think it’s a touchy subject. I think with some kinks, it can be about re-experiencing a past trauma but this time having more consent and control and so it’s helping that person move through it or heal it.

Personally, I think it should be ok to say “when I age regress, I do not want to be sexual.” Playing and interacting with age regress people is my favorite thing and so fulfilling to me way more than sexuality ever has been

And yet, I understand for some people, when there is so much trust and attraction simultaneously, sometimes for people that have been without it for a long time, there can be burning passion. It’s up to the caregiver to really walk a delicate balance because some will argue that even if two adults are consenting, one should never take advantage of someone with “compromised” psyche. That if a person sets a boundary of not wanting to be sexualized as a little, you should never pursue that with them even if they “change their mind.”

But at what point do we go, we must respect someone’s autonomy and right to consent? If someone wants to be objectified or degraded isn’t that their right? Or like if they are using it as a link to process and move through trauma?

[la****]

My first experience with age regression wasn't communicated. I didn't know that she regressed, and she didn't understand how often she regressed. So from my point of view she got goofy and playful as she relaxed and got comfortable with me. She got horny and wanted sex in her regressed state. It was consensual and very expressive. She had 10 years on me so it took me a while to figure everything out. She was going through a bad time in life and needed sexual support. We were able to communicate after I figured it out and had 2 months of fun till she found a long term support that I wasn't able to provide.

For me it wasn't about doing it with a "young" person. What I enjoyed the most is when she regressed she was honest. She was able to tell me what was good and bad. Just like a kid will tell you if your chocolate chip cookies are nasty because you used baking soda instead of sugar. She gave me honest unfiltered feedback on sex and our relationship. we both got to enjoy it. I haven't been able to satisfy a woman like I did with her.

Not sure if this helps, but it's my experience.

[Handyjack2011]

I've always found it difficult to be in that space, as a parent with daughters it's difficult to get in the right headspace to make it work! Even with a mature partner! I think it's a contradictory position. As a parent we protect and nurture. I guess that is what a little seeks!

[An****]

  2 hours ago, BluntestDiagram said:

I think it’s a touchy subject. I think with some kinks, it can be about re-experiencing a past trauma but this time having more consent and control and so it’s helping that person move through it or heal it.

Personally, I think it should be ok to say “when I age regress, I do not want to be sexual.” Playing and interacting with age regress people is my favorite thing and so fulfilling to me way more than sexuality ever has been

And yet, I understand for some people, when there is so much trust and attraction simultaneously, sometimes for people that have been without it for a long time, there can be burning passion. It’s up to the caregiver to really walk a delicate balance because some will argue that even if two adults are consenting, one should never take advantage of someone with “compromised” psyche. That if a person sets a boundary of not wanting to be sexualized as a little, you should never pursue that with them even if they “change their mind.”

But at what point do we go, we must respect someone’s autonomy and right to consent? If someone wants to be objectified or degraded isn’t that their right? Or like if they are using it as a link to process and move through trauma?

Expand  

People can/do modify their boundaries in time. Different dynamics have certain days/times set aside for open discussion without consequence. THAT is when the topic of changing boundaries comes up. Everything discussed and new agreed upon boundaries set. Never is it ok to disregard a boundary in the heat of the moment. This is another great of example of how important trust is in a dynamic. A sub of any type trust her Dom to always uphold boundaries no matter what is said in the moment.

[Bl****]

  1 minute ago, Angelbaby865 said:

People can/do modify their boundaries in time. Different dynamics have certain days/times set aside for open discussion without consequence. THAT is when the topic of changing boundaries comes up. Everything discussed and new agreed upon boundaries set. Never is it ok to disregard a boundary in the heat of the moment. This is another great of example of how important trust is in a dynamic. A sub of any type trust her Dom to always uphold boundaries no matter what is said in the moment.

Expand  

I think so too. I think it may get tested but it’s important to hold that boundary to show that you can be trusted.

[ar****]

You say though, that "thinking about it in any setting, sfw or otherwise, with any kind of caregiver feels gross" to you.
.
You're asking for tips to get comfortable enough for you as little, that you can show yourself as little to a caregiver. Even in sfw.
.
To me, that sounds more like a self-conscious, self esteem issue? Or even as an issue of not trusting a caregiver to tend to your needs without judgment or shaming.
.
Maybe try to figure out what it takes for you, to completely trust a caregiver? When you do, you should be able to feel supported by them to the point where your can be in little space and still feel supported.

[Sp****]

That’s a lot to go through and brave of you to ask for advice! Way to go. My advice is take any advice and process it through who you are and your feelings, including mine :)

It sounds like part of the stigma your having is from abusive past partners. DDLG has absolutely nothing to do with pedophelia and everything to do with combining regression with caregiving. However, like most kinks, there are members of the community who prey on the ***.

I would say I would get therapy about your past partners and work on healing from that and I would also make sure you learn how to thoroughly vet any potential future caregivers to avoid another issue.

[ke****]

There are a ton of men that use it as an excuse for pedophilia. I’ve had men ask to see pictures of me when I was a minor. I’ve honestly just stopped doing it because it’s happened more than once.

[Vi****]

I'm a little confused 🤔... You enjoy the thought of the DDlg dynamic but in practice it makes you feel grossed out? Is that right? Just to clarify the big piece here first; however you feel about it is ok. Loooooooots of people are really shaken up just by the concept of DDlg kind of roles. Some people find it comfortable, some find it sexually charged, and then, to more people still have another relationship with it.
None of them are wrong, and to me, none are inherently "better" or...."good",if they are compared..

So maybe I'm totally misunderstanding your hangup but when you refer to the DDlg dynamic, it comes with the negative connotation of pedophilia.

It's important to separate these things. Adults, engaging in something together and willingly is a normal way for us to connect and engage in roles and behaviors that are outside our normal selves but within the trust and parameters constructed with your partner(s).

It's not pedophilia. Two adults acting out a scene while taking on roles they act out of is what this is all about. It's healthy, it's safe, it's cathartic and it's ok!
Sometimes these hangups we have are actually a tiny little flag, a feeling we stop and analyze for a reason. Not just random chance....

Many times we uncover things from long ago we thought we'd forgotten, or tried to, and after some thought and conversation about a topic such as this there.might be an "aha!" Moment...
There can be some things that come up that we have to deal with, and ultimately heal with, when confronting the feelings we get from questions that come up.

I feel like I completely fucking rambled away and butchered the point here. So I guess- if it ain't your thing, no worries. There's soo much weird shit to find ourselves into that If I were.you I wouldn't worry about it anyway.
It's ok to feel however it makes you feel.
Be safe and good luck 🙏🤞:D

[Hy****]

The reason it feels gross, likely, is that you’re correctly recognizing the power differential. People use the word “creepy” to describe a person who are either okay with or unaware of this power differential.
.
Your brain won’t stop developing until at least 24, which means your sense of self is in flux. The fact is, you’re still kind of child for another 4 years. Significantly older people who look for people under this age who do not recognize this (or worse, do and are okay with it) are likely being clocked by your emotions.
DD/lg is oftentimes a replacement for intimacy of youth, bit the ethics of having a caretaker that helps you develop trust requires that they aren’t in it for themselves.
.
Any lover that is okay with you calling them Daddy has a vested interest in this power discrepancy. It’s going to be hard to square that ethically until you’ve made your power your own, something no little likes hearing. In the meantime, I suggest going to clubs where you’re surrounded by people and playing lightly, or start a relationship with somebody your age. They won’t have figured it out yet, and that’s the point. 

[Vi****]

Remember that just because your partner wants something or is really into a thing, there will be times when the other person is not into the thing. Or maybe, perhaps even more difficult,
The partner is turned off or repulsed by the thing. We can't all be perfectly matched, especially with odd stuff. lots of open communication should help...and just see where you can meet and such. Most importantly, I don't think you should really be giving a flying f*ck about how the rest of the community sees any particular kink, and focus on your feelings. This is yours. Yours. You can share it, discover it and enjoy it. There's soooo much depth to this entire thing , and kinks and sexuality...just go with what feels right. You like it, do it
You don't like it, don't do it. Just make sure you aren't neglecting your feelings and communicate. Sorry to hijack your post. On one today I guess:D 😜😁 be safe and have fun! 😊

[Deleted Member]

I have been with my Dom for 2 years and still struggle with this massively and he is my safe space and has never done anything to make me feel unsafe but in the back of my mind I still think about the whole ped0 thing 100%

[ar****]

  58 minutes ago, SirsLilMousey said:

I have been with my Dom for 2 years and still struggle with this massively and he is my safe space and has never done anything to make me feel unsafe but in the back of my mind I still think about the whole ped0 thing 100%

Expand  

That's so unfortunate, so for you trusting your Dom isn't enough to see his safe space provided apart from the ped0 thing?
Would you have any idea how you would (or couldn't, so far) break that thought?

[Du****]

Hello!

[My****]

Find a dd who doesn't expect your little space to be sexual. Then when you are comfortable and if you so desire incorporate the sexual aspect back into your ddlg relationship

[di****]

I joined a play space years ago that had orientation. They also had dungeon masters to observe and boundries. Women were always escorted to their car so no drama. A safe word was always observed. As a newbie i was taught the rules when to ask questions.
I met a master and his slave and step in several times to ask about subspace and aftercare.

Later they had a fisting class, 20 couples his slave swf 19 130# hottie. An hour Q& A, then i was chosen to do demo. Was quite enjoyable. Two other women invited me to play. A safe location, rules, security, and classes where others observed my will to learn and show respect that women's welcoming group would make a recommendation to newbies. When 50 women are observing.
I did fisting of 25 women over six months.
For them to hit subspace and aftercare. Ddlg is the same. Trust respect. Today vanilla on you tube try on haul is popular. Lg role play is popular. Invite a gf to your negoiation session.

[Deleted Member]

Why are you trying to remedy something that feels uncomfortable for you?

[Angel_Seven]

  On 6/18/2024 at 1:38 AM, Drago6Alucard9 said:

There is a lot that can be done to remedy our help you.
First.. Age regression isn't anything to be made to make you uncomfortable. It should be a safe space. Clear communication is the key. As someone who has many little friends, it is also not something to sexualized. Having a partner that is a little can be done properly with limits, boundaries, and clear guidelines.
Set boundaries, such as, during Age Regression, nothing sexual. Only coloring, dress up, playing, etc. No boundaries crossed.
One can date a little and still have a physical relationship. The key is knowing when to turn it off. I had a discussion with a friend before about a similar thing. There is a time and place for things. During sexual interactions, you must be able to turn off certain sides.

Example... I can not and will not have anything sexual with someone in Little Space. If they want to be intimate, they must be their age. When they were in Little Space, I would watch, discipline, reward, interact as a parent or caregiver would, and make sure they were safe. If someone bothered them in their safe space, I would step in. Even cuddling them to they passed out, tucked them into bed, kissed their forehead, and left them.

There are people who use the fact they date a little as a way to, as you put it, "find a loophole for pedophilia"
But with clear boundaries and limits set, you can have your safe space.
Find a local community and build relationships with others with similar interests.
If you have any questions on how to find local groups, feel free to reach out, and I'll help you find ways to look up groups.

I hope this makes you feel better about finding a safe space. You should never have to feel uncomfortable about what you are interested in.

Expand  

This was so incredibly helpful! Thank you for the perspective. Do you have any advice to find people in similar spaces? 

[Dr****]

Feel free to message me directly, and I'll go over basic things to help you find locals in your area that into your interests

[MasterDarcy1979]

Any kink, no matter how vanilla or quaint, can be used in order to feed the appetite of a person who is just using BDSM as a way of feeding their toxic cravings.

Yes. I would say that there is a lot of truth in the addage that the role of DDlg is used by a fair few pedophiles. The same as I would say that aggressive "Doms/Dommes" are just using the aforementioned role as a mask in order to conceal their anger, etc.

My advice would be to vet the DD as much as you can. This is done by getting to know them as deeply and as intimately as you can. Taking as long as you like to undertake said process.

I would actually give that advice to anyone, no matter their role or no matter their kink.

Jumping into a dynamic with someone for whom you don't really know, or trust, can only lead to bad tidings.

The most important thing, in any dynamic, is that safety and trust are present.

Please, do not let some charlatan spoil what could be, a main part of your identity.

Edited July 5, 2024 by MasterDarcy1979