How often does this happen

[CopperKnob]

11 hours ago, Aman94 said:

30 single for few year. I’m looked for anything. Maybe you should be open to trying thing and open you view point. Maybe u should get to know that man first. How do u know the men were vanilla. ?? I come off as timid and shy to you get my naked and having fun. Next think I push u up the wall nightly chock u and stand damming u hard. I’m not sex talker I show it better through touch and sex.

"Maybe" we shouldn't be telling other people what to do when they've made their thoughts clear 🤷‍♀️

[CopperKnob]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Find it interesting that the thread so far is mostly full of men telling the OP to just go for it and variations of the same, or using it for the usual "no-one responds" type comments.
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And yes I get the irony that yes I'm another male contributing.
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OP to answer your first question, people are in sites like this for a variety of different reasons, for some it's easy sex and hook ups, for others it's for something more relationship oriented, and then various things in between - the key is finding those that are genuinely* looking for the same as you, and you can only do that by reading their profiles, getting to know them a little through messages, the forums etc - but always maintaining your guard against those that may be being economical with the truth (*hence my use of "genuinely" further up.).
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As for STIs, yes it's a risk, and it's down to you to decide what is an acceptable risk for you - and to do that you need to educate yourself about the various STIs and how to guard against them - add into that regular testing for yourself (every 3 months is the recommended regularity) and whilst you may not avoid them completely you are at least protecting yourself to a degree. Condom use is obviously a good way to protect yourself, BUT it doesn't completely protect you either - for example HPV and HSV can be passed on by skin to skin contact from areas a condom doesn't cover, likewise if you practice oral without a condom it's a risk.
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Also just because someone can show you a clean set of test results it doesn't actually mean they are STI free - the results are an indication of the day they took the test only - if they had sex since then, or even within window periods before the test they may still have an STI.
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So sexual health is about taking responsibility for your own sexual health more than anything - you cannot 100% *know* a partner is clean so you have to weigh up those risks for yourself.

Do you though, find it interesting I mean?

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, Mr-Mystery said:

Still never had sti. But it's possible your applying some distortion with some assumptions? Men account for 80% on here. And around the same for others apps. Men have a lot of competition to work through to get a women. Because of that we would need to be talking to many to get a possible shot with 1. In those chats if we are genuine, be honest we are talking to others and say what we're looking for. Yes many want a relationship because there are so few kinky women available to the amount of men looking for partner. So prefer something regular over now and then and have the stress of finding new partners when most women ghost these days.

So seeking a relationship isn't a bad thing if you fit well together.

And yes a man would have chats open because from our exp we can put weeks of effort in to a girl and 90% chats we get ghosted. So it's highly frustrating. So we have to just treat all as possible and treat equally until we actually meet. Until meeting we can't favour one over another just because so many had seem very good but still got ghosted.

So unless you're talking to a buff hunk with big manhood. Who would be picking up all the interest and would be spreading std. The likely hood on the opposite side for us not so hunky men is that we arnt having 5 partners at all.
You would have a few well established groups who have packs and go to events. Who do share and poly. But they Tend to advertise this so not unknown.

"To get a women" we aren't objects to "get"

[CopperKnob]

OP
If you're new and, depending on what you're posting (I'm betting your inbox is vile after this post) all the thirsty men will be messaging you.
Here's my tip, depending on the level of your membership, you can see how many messages they've sent compared to what they've received. If sent messages are significantly higher than those sent, they're taking a ***ter gun approach.
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Another tip, some of these comments are real giveaways regarding attitudes eg, its a numbers game. Those are the ones to ignore because whilst they're interested as you as femme presenting, they aren't necessarily interested in you as a person.

[Sp****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

OP
If you're new and, depending on what you're posting (I'm betting your inbox is vile after this post) all the thirsty men will be messaging you.
Here's my tip, depending on the level of your membership, you can see how many messages they've sent compared to what they've received. If sent messages are significantly higher than those sent, they're taking a ***ter gun approach.
.
Another tip, some of these comments are real giveaways regarding attitudes eg, its a numbers game. Those are the ones to ignore because whilst they're interested as you as femme presenting, they aren't necessarily interested in you as a person.

I love the tip on checking messages. Even at a free membership you can watch an ad to get the information so it’s solid advice all round.

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, Nonnahs said:

Not that I came here looking for a relationship, ive been alone so long id be shocked if anyone liked me. Howeva… im curious… (i see a lot of vanilla men or feminine men message me) how many of yall wre here trying to find a relationship? Or do men have 5 women now at a time? Im scared to touch anyone cause i think they have a ton of people. So i basically quit cause stds risk is so high. So second question how do u handle the insane high std risk that is modern dating/fet/sext whatever.

Really get to know each other properly first, do a few meet ups / dates to get a feel of if you want to take it further if so the subject of being clean of std would have come up so partner should have no real issues in both doing a test?

I have been single for a while and still have a *** test twice a year for my own peace of mind even though I have had no partner for a while just to be safe myself.

Is it common to find people who want a relationship not just a dynamic?  Kinda as for some it can be the same  thing of being exclusively together and doing more than just play. Others just want to play and go separate ways till next time or one off.

Like all things there is people on both sides of anything so look for what you want being open and honest hopefully your partner is the same so things go well =)

Also not trying to tell you what to do just how I personally approach any online dating 

Edited June 25 by Deleted Member
I hate auto correct

[Th****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Do you though, find it interesting I mean?

Ever the diplomat, our dear @gemini_man

I'd say more like disappointingly predictable. Men complaining about the same things and blaming it on the same reasons we keep telling them aren't true. Operating with the same strategy we keep telling them is counterproductive and dirextly hurtin themselves. Telling women they need to lower their standards of basic human decency, safety and respect. 

It's always external factors they have no control over they blame as the reason for their struggles and never the things they actually have control over like their expectations, mindset, behavior and personal growth. 

The "competition" isn't other men. The competition is a woman's peace. What would a particular man add to a woman's life that she can't just do for herself? What can they add that's worth the risk to her peace? 

Edited June 25 by ThaliaV

[Th****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

OP
If you're new and, depending on what you're posting (I'm betting your inbox is vile after this post) all the thirsty men will be messaging you.
Here's my tip, depending on the level of your membership, you can see how many messages they've sent compared to what they've received. If sent messages are significantly higher than those sent, they're taking a ***ter gun approach.
.
Another tip, some of these comments are real giveaways regarding attitudes eg, its a numbers game. Those are the ones to ignore because whilst they're interested as you as femme presenting, they aren't necessarily interested in you as a person.

OP, I'm going to echo everything CK has said here. Protect your energy and time. Read profiles and check activities before responding to messages. Make use of the message filters. 

[VoodooQueen_]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

OP
If you're new and, depending on what you're posting (I'm betting your inbox is vile after this post) all the thirsty men will be messaging you.
Here's my tip, depending on the level of your membership, you can see how many messages they've sent compared to what they've received. If sent messages are significantly higher than those sent, they're taking a ***ter gun approach.
.
Another tip, some of these comments are real giveaways regarding attitudes eg, its a numbers game. Those are the ones to ignore because whilst they're interested as you as femme presenting, they aren't necessarily interested in you as a person.

Yes, fully agree with this.

[ge****]

3 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Do you though, find it interesting I mean?

Irony never works in text does it 😁

[CopperKnob]

32 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Irony never works in text does it 😁

I knew what you were saying 😉

[ey****]

as a side note

while it sometimes doesn't seem that way; the majority of people in kink scenes are ultimately mono

but it feels like more people are not monogamous.   At it's simplest, it's a scene where people can be more open about different shades of open relationships, multiple partners, etc - more so than in workplaces or friend circles

and that distorts things a bit as it makes people think everyone is fucking everyone, when it's really not the case. 

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

as a side note

while it sometimes doesn't seem that way; the majority of people in kink scenes are ultimately mono

but it feels like more people are not monogamous.   At it's simplest, it's a scene where people can be more open about different shades of open relationships, multiple partners, etc - more so than in workplaces or friend circles

and that distorts things a bit as it makes people think everyone is fucking everyone, when it's really not the case. 

Well said 

[Th****]

21 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

as a side note

while it sometimes doesn't seem that way; the majority of people in kink scenes are ultimately mono

but it feels like more people are not monogamous.   At it's simplest, it's a scene where people can be more open about different shades of open relationships, multiple partners, etc - more so than in workplaces or friend circles

and that distorts things a bit as it makes people think everyone is fucking everyone, when it's really not the case. 

In this space here in this site in particular... since it's flooded with people who think interest in kink/bdsm = people just sitting around waiting to have sex with anyone who asks. By that I mean, it's flooded with men who think women who are I to kink are less discerning than elsewhere, when it's arguably the opposite since there's so much more risk due to dangerous activities. 

[sp****]

STI testing is free. If not testing for your own longevity, protect your people and help them protect theirs. Get tested.

[No****]

I dont think i really got an answer here. You all didnt get it. Testing is “free” but people lie.

The first part of my question… it seems guys who are frustrated with dating apps are going to fet sites. But the men are vanillas. They are doing it to just get laid because no will match them on dating apps. So theyre fake fet. This is omg 90% of my inbox

[No****]

I also wont touch a man i think will waste my time to begin with. For example. Self centered sexual men. If there is guna be no reason to risk the std risk then im not bothering at all. They have to have some level of hotness attractiveness intrigue… to make a risk. Men are all pretty used up dirty… its a risk. I better be getting atleast an orgasm out of such a risk.

[DAGDA]

True there is a risk in meeting any man off these sights. Type A males can be a problem. Sigma males by their nature make the Best Doms. They don't demand submission they are given your submission because you desire his affection. You will sense his protection. A blanket that he will wrap around you. He will smile with your orgazm for his desire is to have that control over you. He is the giver of your pleasure .

[Will57Y]

There is always a risk meeting anyone - that's reality.  You have to decide for yourself whether the risk is worth it.

Personally, I'm here to find a long term partner ... but chose this site after realizing I would prefer my partner to be a submissive of some variety, as noted in my profile.

And I agree completely with DAGDA's response - I think a good Dom is one that cares and mentors much more than dominates.

[CopperKnob]

48 minutes ago, Nonnahs said:

I dont think i really got an answer here. You all didnt get it. Testing is “free” but people lie.

The first part of my question… it seems guys who are frustrated with dating apps are going to fet sites. But the men are vanillas. They are doing it to just get laid because no will match them on dating apps. So theyre fake fet. This is omg 90% of my inbox

Maybe the number of comments meant you missed some of the valid ones, but no, some of us "got it'
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In relation to your next comment, if your metrics are "hotness, attractiveness, intrigue, and an orgasm" before you'd "risk an STD" (STI), then I'd suggest you reconsider your thinking which, in return would likely lower that risk.
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How we communicate is everything. Yes, there are some men that could be doing a lot better (and plenty of them are here), but I'd also think again about blanket statements and calling them "used up dirty."
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Whilst I disagree that women should not adjust our own behaviour for that of men, the cold, hard reality is that we have to. Every. Single. Day. In relation to your OP, that means it's our responsibility to vet and to do that well.

[Da****]

1 hour ago, Nonnahs said:

I dont think i really got an answer here. You all didnt get it. Testing is “free” but people lie.

The first part of my question… it seems guys who are frustrated with dating apps are going to fet sites. But the men are vanillas. They are doing it to just get laid because no will match them on dating apps. So theyre fake fet. This is omg 90% of my inbox

I have been collecting lifestyle resources in a Google Drive folder over a few years. If you'd like some resources (including workbooks on discovering yourself as a submissive and guides for vetting a Dom), shoot me a DM and I'll send you the link 😊

[Da****]

Also, in regards to STI test results - Dont trust pictures/screenshots.
Meet in public and request they login to their provider's site and open their results live. Ask to see the timeframes and results before the most recent. If they are generally active or give the vibe they might be, ideal. Testing should be 3-6mo intervals, but closer to 3-4mo.
As if they're on PrEP - That requires tests every 3mos to get the script filled and a lot of providers have discounts that can get it for free. If you're not familiar, that medication has an insanely High success rate in preventing one from contracting HIV. Originally it was only available for those AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth) but some companies like MISTR (FOR AMAB) and SISTR (for AFAB) will ship you tests for free that you send back and a doc will do a quick zoom consult and then coordinate with your pharmacy *for free*.
Because of the testing regimen, I consider most who take PrEP to be more safety-focused.
You could also bait some info out... Even if you're not interested in them, tell them you have fantasies of GBs or something and ask if they have experience - Most thirsty guys will fall into that trap.
And always go with your gut... If someone takes offense or tries to flatter or overly reassure when you say you're doing your due-diligence for your safety - They do not respect you. One strike.

[Mo****]

The more thought you put into something by into something the more the likely hood it is that you’re gonna attract that one thing, so me personally I just don’t think about it and if I do I just say I’m not gonna get anything.:)

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Nonnahs said:

Testing is “free” but people lie.

so - to reiterate something I said; this is why as part of this you take responsibility for your own testing.

The next question is - why are you meeting someone for sex you don't trust to tell the truth on if they got tested?

But also, yeah, depending on the system there are printed results, portals, etc. all available.   My local clinic will do a print out, but the one I usually use has a long in portal so if folk wanted to go through stuff with me they could in essence log in with me and see it was legit.    No one has yet asked for that.

But it's also worth noting that testing is no a silver bullet; incubation periods, false negatives, things that are not included in tests.    Testing is a tool in the box, it's not the entire tool kit.   Consider protection.

[Ma****]

I actually met someone thru here. .He made me happy and feel safe.Hs a really good guy 😔