Financial Domination or Scam/Fraud?

[Deleted Member]

It's a scam, sorry mate

[TheBookCollector]

37 minutes ago, cnjfun said:

Well, you know what they say “It ain’t trickin’ if you got it” and he didn’t mention anything about going broke so

No one says that unless theyre a con-artist.

[cn****]

5 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

No one says that unless theyre a con-artist.

Explain what that term means right now and I’ll forgive you for that dumbass comment you just made.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, Feric said:

My prospective Mistress and I messaged back and forth over several weeks. I paid for  a sub kit and later for a sex swing. The week I paid the second half of the purchase price for the sex swing, Mistress went on a business trip to Europe. About two weeks later she claimed she ran into trouble with Belgian customs and needed *** to help her with then. Later she claimed she was running out of funds and asked me for several hundred dollars. This occurred over several months. Mistress continues to ask me for help: For customs, for airline tickets, for accommodations.

I am sure I have been taken. Her requests make no sense. She has continued to stay in touch with me. This isn’t tribute. She never puts her requests for financial help in those terms. I don’t think it’s Findom, either.

 

it sur feels like a scam and fraud. Any thoughts? 

OK, so

Firstly - none of this has anything to do with Findom or Financial Domination 

Secondly, I guess a question is - did you actually receive the sub kit or the sex swing?   Stuff like the sub kit thing is a very common scam because it sounds legit, and... "OK, so pay £x for a sub kit" and you might think, "OK, well if this doesn't work out - I still have the sub kit?" and the site you buy it from is the actual scam and either nothing ever arrives - or - you've considerably overspent.  You can get "BDSM Basics" kits for like £7 - so someone telling you you need it as a "Sub kit" and selling you one for £100 - is, not necessarily a scam but... overselling

At the minute, the scammer isn't really trying any more.  That's why the requests make no sense.  That perhaps early request do, and the concept of helping someone with customs is big and feels legit (but, what help with customs? Most people run into problems with customs because they're trying to move goods that shouldn't be moved) 

The scam patterns are always very similar - that - you are happily talking, possibly even agreeing to meet - and then there becomes a barrier as to why you can't continue - in the olden days it was "my phone is out of credit" then you could move onto "my laptop is bust" or "car broke down" for bigger purchases.   Some of these don't wash so much these days - phone out of credit? wifi.  Laptop bust? Phone.   Car broke down? ok that sucks but there's options.   So hence the more... creative... requests.  

[ge****]

In the world of scams, they have a saying “if there’s any question, there’s no question”

[ey****]

mind; on the flip

I feel this is very unlikely but hear me

what if she is legit and everything she is saying is legit - and she is asking because she thinks you're both happy and able to send - because you have been so far.   Which would then ask a different question of why has it taken so long for you to feel uncomfortable with this or questioning it?  

Personally; I don't think she is legit - I think it's a scam - but I think it's important to clarify and ask questions earlier here. 

[P_****]

“Findom” is a service. It’s masked as submission but you should be paying a professional for a service, like anything else. Otherwise you may as well be burning your ***.

It’s essentially sex work. Which is fine, but a fetish should be being indulged by a professional that’s helping you realise your fantasies.

I’ve haven’t paid a penny on my way. Without disrespect to others that have or work properly in the lifestyle. But there are standards to expect and I’m sure many professionals would be keen to uphold them.

Ultimately it sounds like you’re giving your *** away unhappily. Stop. Spend it on something you need or, if you want to indulge it as a fetish find somebody who actually gratifies it, you’re paying.

This sounds like any other online romance scam. Regardless of what’s being said it isn’t real on the level you were expecting. Well done for speaking up, I’m sorry it happened to you. It’s not your fault, you were taken advantage of.

[co****]

No ethical person is going to take your ***. It's just bottom of the barrel *** and it's pathetic and shameful that it's not called out when other deplored shit is. Bet hey, perogatives right? 🙄

[He****]

All Femdoms are scammers. Don't be fooled by a single person who says otherwise.

[He****]

Findoms*

[Hy****]

How do men keep falling for this?

[Si****]

19 hours ago, herndon790 said:

Don’t ever send *** to someone you havnt met in real life. You’re probably not even talking to a women

Exactly! The person is probably in Nigeria or else…

[Pa****]

Meh. You either enjoy giving your *** away or you don't. Ofc it's a scam, but how does that really change your situation?

[Hy****]

Look man, get of Fetlife, go to local events like a normal person. Fishing for dominant women is next to impossible. Go where the culture is.

[Am****]

I mean they've asked without conditions and you volunteered the ***.
Might be a scam, but some more patience and direct, polite communication might help prevent this.

[Hy****]

Also sex workers work in cash usually. No paper trail

[ey****]

14 hours ago, Hyrrolar said:

How do men keep falling for this?

this is always a worrying question

some often feels "did you do ANY basic research?" which, to be fair, is what some scams rely on

but this one is one of the oldest dating scam formats on the web which works for simple enough reasons - talk for as long as it takes to get basic trust, then add a stumbling block that can be solved with cash.  And you know, in most cases these are scenarios where if a friend of ours asked, we'd help if we could.   

or maybe that is where some folk should stop - that like, before they send *** for someone's train fare, customs bill, laptop repair - would they do it for a friend of theirs - if no, then why for a relative stranger?

And the answer is in thinking with dick.  That there is an assumption it will go somewhere - there's a definite connection blah blah - when sometimes need to stop and think that it's someone they haven't even met

and what if they are real - you meet up and it's someone who has been helped through customs or helped with other cash; is that going to be something hung over the dynamic ?  

[Th****]

59 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

this is always a worrying question

some often feels "did you do ANY basic research?" which, to be fair, is what some scams rely on

but this one is one of the oldest dating scam formats on the web which works for simple enough reasons - talk for as long as it takes to get basic trust, then add a stumbling block that can be solved with cash.  And you know, in most cases these are scenarios where if a friend of ours asked, we'd help if we could.   

or maybe that is where some folk should stop - that like, before they send *** for someone's train fare, customs bill, laptop repair - would they do it for a friend of theirs - if no, then why for a relative stranger?

And the answer is in thinking with dick.  That there is an assumption it will go somewhere - there's a definite connection blah blah - when sometimes need to stop and think that it's someone they haven't even met

and what if they are real - you meet up and it's someone who has been helped through customs or helped with other cash; is that going to be something hung over the dynamic ?  

Right, as someone mentioned upthread, this isn't a bdsm or findom related thing. It sounds much more like the same old relationship con if it's any sort of scam. 

As for the question if you'd do the same for a friend... good friends and potential partners will understand if you can't help out and if someone can and is willing to help, it should only be done with no strings attached. 

I'm also going to repeat it. Financial domination is a legitimate kink and it doesn't even have to involve the dominant seeing a penny. It can be controlling finances only. I've dabbled a bit myself with a sub who has occasional issues with impulse spending. We made a condition that they added a 50% "tax" to any of these impulsive spending sprees to be put in a separate account that I have decision control of how that *** is spent. However I *don't* have access to anything and haven't received a penny. 

Findom where there is an exchange of *** can still be completely legitimate and something *both* parties enjoy. Proper negotiations and limits set by the finsub are established and the Dom stays within the set boundaries, just like any other negotiations and limits set within dynamics. There *are* people who enjoy someone else having control over some of their *** and it's not specific to any gender though yes it's mostly men because men statistically have and make more ***. 

It's really not a whole lot different from a sugar relationship/dynamic, things just look a bit different. It's essentially a case of "buyer beware" and learn a few things, do proper vetting and negotiations before entering into *any* dynamic, even if there's no *** involved.

Men so often have a huge problem with ego and desperation where they think they don't need to learn things or that they "naturally" know things, as well allowing desperation to take over in place of good judgement. We can use a carpentry analogy here "measure twice, cut once" but you have to learn how to measure before you can even do that. 

 

 

[oc****]

I have found over the years as do most things the bdsm world has fell victim to fakes wanna be hustlers now a days everyone is a bot or a con best to go back to the root of it all underground and even it has been messed with but better a in person loss than a cyber sad cause it's something *** though regularly used can't truly buy memories bonds and stress Realese that is much better than what most partake in but we as kinksters must work together support love and be there for each other take the power away from the fakes ruining are beautiful communities I mean shit subs dominate gang bangs trannies gay straight how long till ur communities are gone ur circle vanished talk to each other create better softHWERE to RECONI SINGLE TEXT OR EMAIL THAT SEEMS FAke or unusual traffic are land is dyeing now are reason are exstince will be gone soon

[Th****]

1 hour ago, oceanside251765 said:

I mean shit subs dominate gang bangs trannies gay straight how long till ur communities are gone ur circle vanished

What, exactly, do you mean by this? 

[oc****]

Exactly what I said ppl need to start going to events or taking time to get to know each other and bring the kink back to the Internet instead of getting robbed or scammed I have been a victim over the Years and tbh I look at it as let em have it it is a mental heart ache bummer but the *** is replaceable the mental *** FIXABLE sure time lost but u at the end took a risk exploring a side that u would normaly shy away from or hide some are to busy to meet some uncofortable but All of us share s passion for the different the unspoken lust see if the bush fami;y and rest of the society as they are called normal i refer to them as explored there wild imagination there creativity there would be less epstines or malesters in the world and guys like trump are wrong to think it's ok to grab any ones body unless the are in a position that says they want it done and enjoy it which any real human knows the difference any kink causeing trama harm negative reactions stops being exciting and begins to be scary are worlds the web and the one we walk on along with are RIGHTS are being stole one app one door at a time use to be communites Were symbols of a group standing for what it loved now we so divided so lost with greed hate and in the next big thing we don't see the Loss of nature or human connection slipping away and its so sad I have wacthed the world web and and out here change saw bdsm get further and further into another big coperation i wscthed it with all labes gay, poor, goth, gangs, rap, rock, book worm, hacker, thug, all broke dwn after being organzations those who was different could cling to and begin a bond to where its all like costco nth but *** ppl are diveded into lil lables lesbian, or transgender, or Mafia, used to be no matter the label we all shared an enemy the ones who judged the ones with hate corruption now it's everyone hates everyone everything has a label in the end u either love different or u judge the same but u can bet not a single group can say they love and live pure no judgment no hate no worry do all they can to give back and spread positive vibes teach what they were not taught carry open minds and understanding protect the weak sry i just hurt from the loss of a world i once shared a love that gets took eacth day since i left to search

[LadyV]

2 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Findom where there is an exchange of *** can still be completely legitimate and something *both* parties enjoy. Proper negotiations and limits set by the finsub are established and the Dom stays within the set boundaries, just like any other negotiations and limits set within dynamics. There *are* people who enjoy someone else having control over some of their *** and it's not specific to any gender though yes it's mostly men because men statistically have and make more ***. 

Another thing men constantly get wrong about that findom kink (and all kinks actually) is that *there's more to it than porn shows you!*

 

I am not a findom. I'm not into *** kinks. 

 

That said, there's an argument to be made that I am engaging in a type of financial domination with my partner, even if that isn't the goal. 

 

Ya know what I'm doing? 

 

I'm managing our fucking finances because I'm more skilled at it than my sub is! 😂 I'm doing all the financial advisor meetings, organizing the investing portfolios, planning out our future major expenses like kids, houses, cars, moving, retirement, etc. I am controlling our finances. I am steering our collective financial ship because I am better at it than my partner is. 

 

That's fucking normal, by the way, guys. In a healthy relationship/marriage partners often make use of each other's individual strengths to further their shared goals as a couple. My sub is more informed than me on how to choose a great house for a reasonable price due to his background in construction and so I'll be leaning on his expertise for house selection. But when it comes to our shared financial health and investing growth, he leans on MY expertise and follows my lead. 

 

This isn't an intentionally "findom" thing between my partner and I, but you could argue I am technically financially dominating him consensually for our mutual long term benefit. I control all the *** in the house because I'm better at it and he and I both benefit from my skills there. 

 

That is a type of findom. Yet men only ever seem to be aware of the porn and scammer version of findom where it's just "you give me *** just cause you get off on being exploited and drained."

 

There's more to all these kinks than porn ever shows you, men. 

[ey****]

Just now, LadyV said:

I'm managing our fucking finances because I'm more skilled at it than my sub is! 😂 I'm doing all the financial advisor meetings, organizing the investing portfolios, planning out our future major expenses like kids, houses, cars, moving, retirement, etc. I am controlling our finances. I am steering our collective financial ship because I am better at it than my partner is. 

Hahah

I'm gonna say also - it's often ironic how many men will say they're not into Findom - but will then take control of the household finances.   So for example insisting both put in 50/50 into the household accounts, even if he earns more (leaving a female partner with less income for personal spends) yet putting TV or internet packages into household spends while getting channels like sports for himself, or a faster internet so he can online game as an outgoing of financial accounts is all a form of financial control.  Men say they're not into Financial Domination until it's time to split the bill  

[VoodooQueen_]

OP, prior to this engagement, what sort of self-education had you done on online relationship scams, fake online FemDoms, the realities of a genuine financial kink etc?
It's awful that you've been rinsed by this person, who in all likelihood is a big standard scammer (highly unlikely to be a woman, let alone dominant.)
Online financial scams have been common knowledge for several years.
What 'defence mechanisms' did you put in place to identify approaches from scammers?
It's really important to protect yourself.
I hope you no longer have contact with this person.
And going forward, I hope you take onboard all the advice offered in this thread.
In future, if an unknown person asks for any cash, even a couple of quid, just ignore them.
They're not interested in you, only your bank account

[Re****]

Well I never thought of it that way but am trying to get away from 1 of my Masters! I have a Master who says that subs are always supposed to help there Master out! I loaned his $600.00 and I Now refused to give him anymore and Now he wants 1 of my guns that’s worth $2,000.00 and I keep making excuses to see him cause the gun is Not mine to give! It’s part of my inheritance but it’s my Brother’s who is a Retired Cop! How do I get out of this???? Now, after reading all this I figured he was a user but now am thinking he’s just a Scammer!