Word of caution to new subs

[MadamDomme]

My words here are to truly submissive men and women. Without any further introduction, as a female Domme, I must make a few things clear: 

As a sub you are fully entitled to how you feel. Don't let anyone rob you of how you feel and your right to make your feelings known. If you're not able to talk freely with your dom(me), they're not the right Dom for you. 

Distinguish between being dominated and being just blatantly used and ***d. One leaves you feeling fulfilled while the other leaves you feeling like shit about everything that went down. Don't ever blame yourself for feeling horrible after play. It's a sign that the dom don't know what they're doing and need to be kicked to the curb. Many people style themselves masters and mistresses to take their insecurities out on people. Their damaged attitude towards you isn't your fault. A true Dom(me) will seek to protect you during play and look after you after play. The harsher the play, the more responsibility a dom has. If they can't provide that, then they have failed. Not you. 

If your dom(me) can't address your needs or comments, it's not your problem. If you've been respectful and honest with them, don't allow anyone to rob you of your right to be heard and having your needs met. If you decide to walk away, don't guilt trip yourself that you'll hurt the dom's feelings for walking away. You're walking away for a good reason. 

If your dom violates your trust by breaking a limit, and you're not likely to stop seeing them over it, DEMAND  an apology in-kind. Words are cheap. Have standards. Not because you're submissive in the bedroom, it means you're a doormat for them to wipe the lows of their lives on. Make what you want and need versus what you WILL NOT deal with clear from the beginning. This is not you domming from the bottom, this is you sorting the wheat from the chaff.. sorting the real doms from bratty people with mommy/daddy issues... and a stick! 

Finally, laugh at a Dom(me) that asks you for ***! Being dominant is about being in control of OURSELVES before we can even dream of being in control of you! But we need your *** (I.e. Your independence) to supplement our own? If a Domme is an industry pro then the deal is clear. But putting you in a situation of manipulation for you to pay for "stuff" is nothing but a scam. No excuses. As a Domme, I have the toys I'm domming with. Otherwise how am I a Domme? What was I domming with? No self respecting dom takes *** from subs. Just in the same manner you wouldn't be paid to be a sub. 

Just my two cents. 

Stay safe, happy and clever 

[Deleted Member]

This is a very important post I think. There's a lot of trust needed and given in  any dynamic between a top and a bottom and once that's violated it should always put an end to that play/scene/relationship. 

It's easy to think as a sub you just have to put up and shut up but that is definitely not the case. 

Thanks for opening this discussion on this! 

[Deleted Member]

I couldn't agree more. To be honest, I think the sub is actually the one in charge as it's they who give their submission & we have to earn it. If we overstep the line it's us who should apologise. As was said, a subs needs are equally as important as the dominants & great care should be taken to look after them during & after play. Although some really do want to be treated like dirt, during & after play, most don't. So remember all you subs, if your dom doesn't discuss what your wants & boundaries are, doesn't care if they harm you or not & doesn't wrap you up in cotton wool after a play session & make you feel safe then you should tell themto change & if they don't, then dump them ! And good luck to you all XXX

[Deleted Member]

  13 hours ago, undone said:

I couldn't agree more. To be honest, I think the sub is actually the one in charge as it's they who give their submission & we have to earn it. If we overstep the line it's us who should apologise. As was said, a subs needs are equally as important as the dominants & great care should be taken to look after them during & after play. Although some really do want to be treated like dirt, during & after play, most don't. So remember all you subs, if your dom doesn't discuss what your wants & boundaries are, doesn't care if they harm you or not & doesn't wrap you up in cotton wool after a play session & make you feel safe then you should tell themto change & if they don't, then dump them ! And good luck to you all XXX

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Agreed, at the end of the day any relationship needs mutual respect and I could argue a BDSM one really needs that to work. 

[Deleted Member]

Wow some very powerful words and everything that is said is very true and to the point

From a Submissive side 

 It takes ages to get to a level of trust where you can just naturally play and not *** things 

If your Dom oversteps what you agreed or takes no notice of your safe words (We have two First one means I'm ok but about at my limit so ease back a bit Second is stop ! Personally I have never had to use my stop safe word and hope I never have to) you should walk away 

Respect is earned no matter what the situation is 

Never do anything that you are not comfortable doing no matter how much you are asked or ordered We all have our limits at the end of the day