Are Long Term Relationships a Thing of The Past?

[Da****]

I certainly hope not! But the initial premise is flawed. Not all 3-6 week flings are perfect, and not every long term relationship is fulfilling. I would rather have an intense meaningless relationship than a loving, but sexless long term relationship that is currently what I find myself in. That being said, 3-6 weeks is just long enough to learn nuances of what each other like, and why would you give up on someone just as they're getting used to pushing your buttons without you having to tell them where they are. And at some point, you find yourself in the inevitable position of reaching an age where many regard you as a high mileage option and when a relationship ends, you have NO idea how long it may take to find the next one.

[no****]

I would pick a fulfilling long-term relationship. To build and grow together. To help each other conquer limits in every aspect of their lives. To help them become better versions of themselves. The flow of the power exchange is a beautiful dance, knowing that the Dominant always leads and the submissive willing follows. 

[Si****]

A long term relationship. I would fill more fulfilled knowing I have someone that loves me just as much as I love them

[bl****]

I personally would prefer a longer term relationship. I'm not built to handle the short flings. After a 20 year relationship and no dating history I've learned it takes a while to un-layer people and I do like to learn from my past. I also have children and crave the stability they need, as much as I need it for myself. It is a waste of my energy and time to aim for something not conducive in trying to reach a goal of stability. However, it is also important to have the right boundries and know when to walk away. Unsure what all you've been through, or their respective troubles, but to each their own. Best you can do is set yourself up for knowing what you want. What is true to you. Then how to get there. What better vetting questions or hard passes to add to your next efforts. You might find quick flings are because you have the right compass and someone else doesn't, or you both simply do not align like you'd hoped as well. Maybe they're in their rebuilding era or are emotionally unavailable for other reasons. Too many situations for any of it to be just a one blanket statement. To each their own and do what is true to you. Ask what you can before you get too invested in something that doesn't align with your goals.

[us****]

Technically we can pick both ithinks

[th****]

I strive for a ltr! I’m very very kinky and strive for a partner who wants to explore our kinks and grow in our sexuality. I think there is a person out there for me that checks all the boxes, I just gotta find them.

[Je****]

2 hours ago, thiccums44 said:

I strive for a ltr! I’m very very kinky and strive for a partner who wants to explore our kinks and grow in our sexuality. I think there is a person out there for me that checks all the boxes, I just gotta find them.

It can take time, I’m still looking for the same thing myself

[Be****]

Long term for me, fs! It’s not that LTR’s are a thing of the past: they’re just hard, especially if you’re young. The amount of trust and communication required, to say nothing of emotional maturity, is extensive

[Do****]

A fulfilling long-term relationship.
I am poly but I think they it should be afew longterm relationships that fulfill the aspect we need and that's all

[Deleted Member]

Definitely long term

[Re****]

Long-term, I didn't think it'd be as difficult as it is to find. Add in wanting a sub in a world of feminists and it's almost impossible

[tu****]

I'm not sure what is the answer. I'm single and treat women with complete respect and care
Yet I am still single
I'm definitely wanting long term

[li****]

I'm really hoping LTR is going to make a comeback and that it's not completely going out of style.
Unfortunately it seems like a lot of people (no matter of age) are thinking it's cool to break boundaries and "do what they want" which is causing their partners to break up with them. My ex wanted an open relationship but did not respect the rules I wanted and ended up paying the price for their recklessness and losing my trust.
There's also those who can't commit to a LTR and are always looking for "better than"... Unfortunately those people are also trying to "fix" their partners and not respecting that their partners are their own individuals. I can't tell you how many people have told me "I can't deal with ______" or "you have to _______ to be with me". To me, that behavior feels like grooming and is not something that I can deal with if it's not harmful to myself or others (especially if it's a hobby or something you enjoy).
Really hoping that it's just a rough patch for those looking for a LTR, but I also think that the dating scene needs to mature before it's going to get better.

[De****]

13 hours ago, little__X said:

I'm really hoping LTR is going to make a comeback and that it's not completely going out of style.
Unfortunately it seems like a lot of people (no matter of age) are thinking it's cool to break boundaries and "do what they want" which is causing their partners to break up with them. My ex wanted an open relationship but did not respect the rules I wanted and ended up paying the price for their recklessness and losing my trust.
There's also those who can't commit to a LTR and are always looking for "better than"... Unfortunately those people are also trying to "fix" their partners and not respecting that their partners are their own individuals. I can't tell you how many people have told me "I can't deal with ______" or "you have to _______ to be with me". To me, that behavior feels like grooming and is not something that I can deal with if it's not harmful to myself or others (especially if it's a hobby or something you enjoy).
Really hoping that it's just a rough patch for those looking for a LTR, but I also think that the dating scene needs to mature before it's going to get better.

Entitlement has always been an issue. This isn't new, and unfortunately it's going to get much worse, before it gets better.

[ey****]

23 hours ago, little__X said:

I'm really hoping LTR is going to make a comeback and that it's not completely going out of style.
Unfortunately it seems like a lot of people (no matter of age) are thinking it's cool to break boundaries and "do what they want" which is causing their partners to break up with them.

So - personally, I don't think LTR are going out of style - I think that in general people are less willing to settle on something which isn't right for them.

Like, your second sentence - someone breaks your boundary - you have more of a choice on whether you want to give another chance or end the relationship than someone might have in the past (not that everyone trapped in an abusive relationship has a choice, that's another story)

I do think a little bit that folk like to take relationships as they come; which is honestly the best way - enjoy things for what they are then, oh, all of a sudden you've been together 6 months, a year, 5 years, so on. Rather than "so I met this person 6 weeks ago; they seem OK, let's get married and start a family.

23 hours ago, little__X said:

I can't tell you how many people have told me "I can't deal with ______" or "you have to _______ to be with me". To me, that behavior feels like grooming and is not something that I can deal with

In the days when LTR relationships were by far the norm (i.e. you'd meet someone and wed off by early 20s and be together for life) you would have had to change your behaviour.   Or they would.

Now if two people don't work, they don't work and neither of you has to *** to make it work

[ji****]

3 to 6 at least get to know them, and try to give them some pleasure.

[Deleted Member]

Long term. To know someone loves you.

[Da****]

And it takes time to get to know what excites your partner, and for them to learn what excites you, and once you reach that point, who wants to start over with someone new?

[De****]

2 hours ago, Jen1982 said:

Long term. To know someone loves you.

For what it is worth, the most intimate and deepest loves I have known have only been short term. Even if it is fleeting, in that moment she is, valued, wanted, loved and cherished like no other person on earth.

When that is drowned by obligations and expectations, it ceases to be pure, raw and unadulterated love. It becomes a phantom... An afterglow of the fire that burned so bright before.

[li****]

Monday at 06:57 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

In the days when LTR relationships were by far the norm (i.e. you'd meet someone and wed off by early 20s and be together for life) you would have had to change your behaviour.   Or they would.

Now if two people don't work, they don't work and neither of you has to *** to make it work

I'm not saying that you can't take relationships as they come, or meet someone and expect to get married asap. I just prefer to be with someone and feel valued vs a few week fling that feels like they couldn't care less. I was with my ex for almost 3 years, I didn't have an end goal or time for the relationship.. it just ended up being toxic at the end.
It's really each to their own. If you like to take it as they come, good for you.
I just like to have something going for longer and build trust.

I'm also not afraid to end things when needed (like with my ex) if it's not working or it feels very one sided. I like having a partnership that has good teamwork, but rn it's nice having my own space and just living alone till I can find another partner.

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, little__X said:

'm not saying that you can't take relationships as they come, or meet someone and expect to get married asap. I just prefer to be with someone and feel valued vs a few week fling that feels like they couldn't care less. I was with my ex for almost 3 years, I didn't have an end goal or time for the relationship.. it just ended up being toxic at the end.
It's really each to their own. If you like to take it as they come, good for you.
I just like to have something going for longer and build trust.

I get what you're saying - though there's stuff I don't entirely feel is mutually exclusive

like, if you have a relationship that after 3 years is feeling toxic, then you wouldn't be feeling valued - but a short term relationship that fizzles out can have more value.

I guess a lot depends on the intent of the relationship.  Like, it sucks but - most of us are unlikely to meet a first partner, marry them and stay with them through til we did after a long and happy life.  We will all have more relationships that end via break up, than go through all 'til death do us part'.  And sometimes two people just drift apart, but even in 'no fault' scenarios, a break up is usually cos one person isn't really feeling it - and whether that is they don't feel loved/valued, or no longer really love the other person and as such, y'know.

I think as this thread proves, there's folk of all sorts of different desires who want a LTR.  They are certainly not a thing of a bygone era.   But this being a starting point in any relationship can bring a lot of pressure.

Like, you sit down with someone on a first date, say, and you both slap down and say you want long term commitment.  But then 2-3 months in - after the New Relationship Energy dies down if one person is like, "actually, no" do they feel pressured into trying to make it work cos they slapped down and promised a long term commitment 3 months ago?   

I think a lot of the main test and where relationships often bloom *into* some form of long term is after the NRE dies down and folk can agree on mid-long term goals.

So like, my wife - we've been together 15 years.  When we first started dating we both had come out of relationships that, towards the end, hadn't been the best for us (though, in terms of prior relationships I think I got the better deal.  A lovely sweet lass but we weren't right for each other, which I'd started after a prior relationship came to a heartbreaking end) and in both of our heads it was just going to be some summer fun - but then kinda, actually from there - it switched up gradually and 5 years into the relationship we got engaged and then married 2 years after that.  

Introductions into kink was a slow part of the journey. Other kinda what worked in terms of play or relationships with others was a slow part of the journey.   But I think had either of us in the summer of 2009 slapped down and said "I want this to be long term" the other may well have run a mile.

I think kinda build for long term is valid.  But a good shorter romance can be more valuable than a long term relationship which turns sour.  

[na****]

Ide prefer the long term

[Dr****]

Ltr for sure much deeper with everything more intense and you find limits are no longer relevant. With this lifestyle with your love you try things you never would before and find some new kinks and desires

[ho****]

I prefer a fulfilling longterm relationship with someone exploring all the different things we are into and experimenting and discovering new ones. But I also know other than my BDSM interests I am a very conservative person.

[Deleted Member]

I prefer long-term and exploring and experiencing new kinks with them