do**** Posted July 26 Posted July 26 As a mistress I have hard boundary (hygiene), but recently a sub came with a kink involved body fluids. I have zero problems with dressing and other roleplay, but body fluids is No-No zone. He always talked about, and even if I said several times, he continues insisting about it. I kind of liked his conversation, but oh gosh, how many times I needed to say I don't like it Nonetheless,I said he needs to adapt to me, not the reverse, I will not accept body fluids. That been said, he just flipped and said I needed to adapt to him and I need to accept as it is. This for me is not a sub behavior, it's just arrogance. Unfortunately, I need to cut him out. It's fk disrespectful believe I need to adapt to him been as mistress. I will miss the conversation we had, but I can't accept disrespectful behavior. Are you agree cutting him out?
Ro**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 If there is not an agreement between you two, your relationship can't work, so...
th**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Absolutely. Personally, I am a brat and I am quite dominant. I know my thing or two about “talking back”. But limits are limits and Dom/sub behaviour is not the concern here. Here the concern is the lack of consent. People who say “you limit myself, you want to change me, you have to adapt to me” are just emotional r*pists and need to understand how consent works.
Nikki_Hexy Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Limits are limits, if thats not respected on either side of the D/s wall... 🤷🏼♀️ Consent, communication, respect and honesty is always key and without it, you cant even have a vanilla relationship, forget a Dynamic
Su**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Absolutely, you as a mistress set the scene and if you’ve explained that bodily fluids isn’t for you then he should accept that, no means no in any case
Mr**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Yeah, that’s not an actual sub. That’s just someone looking for a kink dispenser to fulfill their fantasies.
SadoDaddy2024 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 I always be wary of people, who say they are subs but focus predominantly on 1 fetish/kink, especially if you say you're not in to it & they keep steering the conversations back to the subject again & again, in my experience they tend not to be submissive & are essentially roleplaying being submissive, to get their fetish/kink fulfilled.
ey**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 yep - begone, what he wants is against your limits I think too many kinda forget that Dominants have boundaries and can set them - or perhaps too many people believe "the sub is in control" and here he is huffing he is not in control
Scottishdombull Posted July 27 Posted July 27 If the expectations were set out before hand then you were right to kick him to the curb. Topping from bottom is unacceptable. Beung devil's advocate if you changed the expectations then you are in the wrong for moving the goal post
MasterKama23 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Its seems that 'subs' are mostly curios after watching 50 shades of grey, not truely understanding the lifestyle. But just the sexual kink aspact. Which is ok, if the intent is to learn and explore, and respectfully communicate any adjustments aslong as its mutual. Seems that your limit was not respected and so you absolutely did the right thing. It maybe that your doubt is based on some level of connection you may have felt, and could be withdrawal from the time spent together.
SeaDragon580 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Looks like some classic topping from the bottom. Limits are limits on either side of the coin. Wise choice on your part.
or**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 I think it depends on weather or not your charging for your service or doing it purely for enjoyment of the give and take of obedience and control/trust. 🤷🏼♂️ if your a mistress that performs as a means of financial means, then pee on him. At the end of the day the customer is always right even when there wrong. Did you file a 1099 last tax season?
Deleted Member Posted July 27 Posted July 27 I believe both need to negotiate and adapt and if they don’t respect your limits I don’t see how it can work. Best of luck!
Ki**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 I believe that D has the power that s gives them. However, personally, I also think that behaviour is not acceptable and I would cut him out.
Shilo66 Posted July 27 Posted July 27 On 7/26/2024 at 2:17 PM, donnau said: As a mistress I have hard boundary (hygiene), but recently a sub came with a kink involved body fluids. I have zero problems with dressing and other roleplay, but body fluids is No-No zone. He always talked about, and even if I said several times, he continues insisting about it. I kind of liked his conversation, but oh gosh, how many times I needed to say I don't like it Nonetheless,I said he needs to adapt to me, not the reverse, I will not accept body fluids. That been said, he just flipped and said I needed to adapt to him and I need to accept as it is. This for me is not a sub behavior, it's just arrogance. Unfortunately, I need to cut him out. It's fk disrespectful believe I need to adapt to him been as mistress. I will miss the conversation we had, but I can't accept disrespectful behavior. Are you agree cutting him out? You absolutely did the right thing by cutting him loose. Any sub, regardless of their gender and sexual persuasion, MUST be gotten rid of quickly if they refuse to respect your limits. If the situation was reversed and a Dom/Domme wasn't respecting a sub's limits, by now, there'd be a plethora of comments screaming "red flag" and practically demanding that the sub leave such an "abusive relationship". Doms/Dommes have limits too, so never be afraid to stand firm and say "NO" when they're being pushed and you don't want them to be.
Pe**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Tell him bye bye. He’s the “sub” apparently, and you are the Mistress. Besides that, he has over stepped the boundaries. Sounds like a lot of “subs” I’ve dealt with that are only interested in what they want instead of the need to serve.
A_fella Posted July 27 Posted July 27 I don’t think it matters what role either of you take. If you were my mistress and you tried to push a limit that I repeatedly said no to, I would feel just as disrespected and probably try and end things as we just wouldn’t fit each other. Adapting to another’s kinks is a choice and once that I wish people recognize and understood. I think you did the right thing, but not because of your roles, instead because of the blatant red flags and disrespect
jo**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 You both scream red flag. Honestly you don't seem to understand what it means to be his mistress, and he is trying to *** you to be into something that you're not willing to be into. It sucks, I'm sorry it worked out that way. But you should step back and find a mentor who has been in the lifestyle and has a long term submissive to understand the dynamic.
he**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Hard limits are hard limits. If he refuses to respect them, he is not fit or safe to play with and will only put you at risk for further nonsense down the road.
Th**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 Yes, you were absolutely right to end things. As others have already said... regardless of role, even in the absence of D/s and in vanilla relationships, when one party continues to push and disrespect the feelings of the other it's a giant red flag. Beyond that there's space for clarification, nuance and learning opportunity to potentially prevent similar issues in the future. What, if any, negotiations were there? Did you state clearly that this was a "hard limit" or actual limit? Did he tell you up front this was a priority for him? It's not only a respecting limits or D/s issue, it's also basic compatibility. Yes he should respect your "no" regardless but I'm not going to enter into a dynamic where something that's high on someone else's priority list is a hard limit for me, just as I wouldn't enter a dynamic where one of my priorities was a limit for them. A possible exception being having multiple partners and being able to get those wants and needs met elsewhere. It's a reasonable expectation to have partners adapt somewhat to each other to varying degrees but past the negotiation period the Dom is in charge within the boundaries and limits set. Consent can always be revoked and either party can always request renegotiation. This is why negotiations and determining compatability for preferences in style and kinks are so important.
ey**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 5 hours ago, Scottishdombull said: Beung devil's advocate if you changed the expectations then you are in the wrong for moving the goal post consent can be revoked at any time and this isn't moving a goal post. But there's nothing that suggests she was open to more than she said she was anyway.
Th**** Posted July 27 Posted July 27 5 hours ago, Scottishdombull said: If the expectations were set out before hand then you were right to kick him to the curb. Topping from bottom is unacceptable. Beung devil's advocate if you changed the expectations then you are in the wrong for moving the goal post Wants and expectations can change, the key is actual communication and renegotiation needs to actually happen along with it.
Recommended Posts