Sub are not real sub

[Th****]

1 hour ago, Jecture said:

I agree with this, and that’s why I mentioned self reflection and self awareness. I know myself and what I am looking for, and what I offer in terms of being submissive, not everyone does. When I give a person control, I give it fully, not just lip service. The lip service is based on sub-centric behaviour, where the sub pays a service top to dominate them for a time. The real subs normally are found in the more Dom-centric submissive roles where they know who’s in charge and do as they have agreed to do

And that's another area where things are muddied and I can see where some confusion comes from. When using the services of a pro the "submissive" is really more technically still a bottom and not actually a 'true" submissive

[Je****]

There’s a reason why there are profiles, and unlike Facebook dating they can have a lot more information about the person than just some pictures

[Th****]

Just now, Jecture said:

There’s a reason why there are profiles, and unlike Facebook dating they can have a lot more information about the person than just some pictures

Real conversations still need to happen *also* profiles should be a starting point 

[Je****]

Communication is key, we have mouths for a reason right?

[do****]

1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

Everyone should read profiles thoroughly but beyond that it's best to still have explicit discussions, in addition to that to get confirmation. 

I hope this is the case, but you will be surprised how many Dom/Master/switch send me massage even if I EXPLICITLY wrote several times I'm not into.

No matter how direct I am, still bunch of men not respecting my boundaries

[Je****]

5 minutes ago, donnau said:

I hope this is the case, but you will be surprised how many Dom/Master/switch send me massage even if I EXPLICITLY wrote several times I'm not into.

No matter how direct I am, still bunch of men not respecting my boundaries

It’s not just men not respecting boundaries, and be it out of ignorance or not I get just as many sub women looking to give me control in a dynamic that isn’t where I am at, and explicitly spell it out for some of the conversations that I shouldn’t have to say it because it’s in my profile what side of the slash I’m on

[Ro****]

7 minutes ago, donnau said:

I hope this is the case, but you will be surprised how many Dom/Master/switch send me massage even if I EXPLICITLY wrote several times I'm not into.

No matter how direct I am, still bunch of men not respecting my boundaries

They are probably not Dom/master or whatever they say. They are just desperate people trying to find easy and fast sex. And this kind of profile, we all know, are not used to read profiles or even just have some good manners

[do****]

2 minutes ago, Rockstone83 said:

They are probably not Dom/master or whatever they say. They are just desperate people trying to find easy and fast sex. And this kind of profile, we all know, are not used to read profiles or even just have some good manners

There is, absolutely right.

[Je****]

5 minutes ago, Rockstone83 said:

They are probably not Dom/master or whatever they say. They are just desperate people trying to find easy and fast sex. And this kind of profile, we all know, are not used to read profiles or even just have some good manners

Yes good manners would be a good place to start

[Ho****]

Hards limits goes both ways. The right outcome seems to have been reached as his main kink didn't align with your hard limit.

I do not know how experienced either of you are and how exactly what was said and in which manner.

Reading between the lines and how I read your thread, it seems to me that you found it disrespectful because you are the dom and less because of the manner.

It is not an issue of not being submissive behaviour. He tried to coerce you to break your hard limit. Which is not acceptable from either side.

You would not say that it is not a dom behaviour to respect a sub hard limits because a dom should do what they like.

Do you see it as disrespect because you are the dom or because he is trying *** you to break your hard limit.

Being the devil's advocate if he is not an experienced sub (I mean if he didn't have many doms before or new to the bdsm scene), it might be part of ignorance and naivety. Believing any dom would do any kink because they are dom.

I can understand that you are angry and hurt by the incident as it sounds you like him on another level than just kink.

But as I said at the beginning if one of his main kink is one of you hard limits it might be better to part ways for this reason.

You would not feel good breaking you hard limits and he would never feel fully satisfied and might start to feel resentful if he was to give up / repress his needs/ kinks.

[kimutu72]

I had a sub for nearly a year and we grew together, then he wanted to dress up in my clothes or womens clothes we spoke alot about it & I was definatley not comfitable doing it so we parted ways as I couldn give him what he wanted. Limits are to be pushed wether your a domme or a sub, but you both have to be comfitable with it or it wouldn work.

[Lsmart938]

Seems like you liked him as a person but your interests are just different. Move on.

[goon2yu]

Quote

I hope this is the case, but you will be surprised how many Dom/Master/switch send me massage even if I EXPLICITLY wrote several times I'm not into.

No matter how direct I am, still bunch of men not respecting my boundaries

In respect for your professed Domme position, I humbly share the following.

Online sites tend to attract many levels of immaturity and I know by experience that some Doms/Masters follow a philosophy that all women are beneath them regardless of their professed D/s role. It may be the case also, that you as a Domina are their ultimate ego-driven challenge. My Domina used a response technique of textual castration with an immediate block for disrespecting Doms.  May your future experience produce greater peace, comfort and blessings.

[Th****]

10 hours ago, goon2yu said:

In respect for your professed Domme position, I humbly share the following.

Online sites tend to attract many levels of immaturity and I know by experience that some Doms/Masters follow a philosophy that all women are beneath them regardless of their professed D/s role. It may be the case also, that you as a Domina are their ultimate ego-driven challenge. My Domina used a response technique of textual castration with an immediate block for disrespecting Doms.  May your future experience produce greater peace, comfort and blessings.

Unfortunately the behaviors and attitudes you've described aren't limited to online spaces. It's fairly prevalent in real world/in person environments as well. Good on your Domina for responding as she does. 

Edited July 30 by ThaliaV

[Je****]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Unfortunately the behaviors and attitudes you've described aren't limited to online spaces. It's fairly prevalent in real world/in person environments as well. Good on your Domina for responding as she does. 

It’s not limited to those representing as subs either, no disrespect to dominants but there is a mix in the level of maturity they have as well from new D types mostly as older experienced ones tend to be more well worded and considerate usually

[Th****]

1 hour ago, Jecture said:

It’s not limited to those representing as subs either, no disrespect to dominants but there is a mix in the level of maturity they have as well from new D types mostly as older experienced ones tend to be more well worded and considerate usually

We were talking about d types in this instance and it's really a personality and human decency issue, not age or experience. 

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

We were talking about d types in this instance and it's really a personality and human decency issue, not age or experience. 

I agree completely with that, but often age does play a major role in the development of a person

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, Jecture said:

I agree completely with that, but often age does play a major role in the development of a person

this is a false equivalence 

[lo****]

On 7/30/2024 at 1:44 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

this is a false equivalence 

My gosh is it.

Some of the most immature people emotionally and in regards to respecting others were older, and some of the most respectful, caring, decent and emotionally mature people were on the younger side.

(Which is another reason I advocate that you not count people out of friendships just due to age difference. WHOLE other topic.)

[Th****]

2 minutes ago, locketheart said:

(Which is another reason I advocate that you not count people out of friendships just due to age difference. WHOLE other topic.)

It is, but I would 100% agree. My friend groups and social circles have always had a wide range of ages. It's good for us to have diversity in our social circles and close friends, not just age but as many other things as possible too. It helps with perspectives and empathy. My primary criteria for friendships and potential partners is having a growth mindset and actively working on being a good and decent human. 

[lo****]

3 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

It is, but I would 100% agree. My friend groups and social circles have always had a wide range of ages. It's good for us to have diversity in our social circles and close friends, not just age but as many other things as possible too. It helps with perspectives and empathy. My primary criteria for friendships and potential partners is having a growth mindset and actively working on being a good and decent human. 

Exactly.

I have a lot to say on the subject, but don't want to derail the conversation.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, locketheart said:

My gosh is it.

Some of the most immature people emotionally and in regards to respecting others were older, and some of the most respectful, caring, decent and emotionally mature people were on the younger side.

(Which is another reason I advocate that you not count people out of friendships just due to age difference. WHOLE other topic.)

I think there is stuff that is complex. Like, there's older folk who are new to kink but felt their "life experience" entitles to some form of fast track, it doesn't.  Or some who will manipulate using their age to mask their inexperience.  Then older folk who are experienced and will use this to manipulate those inexperienced to one degree or another.   But then also those who are older and new and maybe will use skills they've learnt elsewhere but accept kink is new to them, some who are experienced and use this to try to help people.  Then of course there are those who can accept how scenes change, then those who think that how they enjoy(ed) stuff is what everyone else should.

On the flip. There are younger folk who can feel they deserve a chance, are excessively naive, or think they're more valuable than they are - and then those who've taken the time to learn, don't demand anyone's time - and so on.

It's kinda behaviours which are at play here - rather than age. 

But I also felt the guy talking about Dommes was not really comparable to the OPs problem she'd had with a sub.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think there is stuff that is complex. Like, there's older folk who are new to kink but felt their "life experience" entitles to some form of fast track, it doesn't.  Or some who will manipulate using their age to mask their inexperience.  Then older folk who are experienced and will use this to manipulate those inexperienced to one degree or another.   But then also those who are older and new and maybe will use skills they've learnt elsewhere but accept kink is new to them, some who are experienced and use this to try to help people.  Then of course there are those who can accept how scenes change, then those who think that how they enjoy(ed) stuff is what everyone else should.

On the flip. There are younger folk who can feel they deserve a chance, are excessively naive, or think they're more valuable than they are - and then those who've taken the time to learn, don't demand anyone's time - and so on.

It's kinda behaviours which are at play here - rather than age. 

But I also felt the guy talking about Dommes was not really comparable to the OPs problem she'd had with a sub.

I feel like @locketheart and I were both probably speaking generally of friendships. Life experiences and different perspectives not specific to kink. That's ehy we didn't continue as it would be veering off topic. 

[do****]

Age and Maturity are not correlation-causation.

The second point is I tried to accept his diaper kink, but is not my vibe and I said in the beginning, and I felt extremely disrespectful he continued to push me, even if I tried to accommodate him in a kink is not mine. The last straw was when he said I needed to clean his 💩 ; at that point, I felt unfair because I tried to accommodate the max I couldn't but I didn’t see any effort from his side. So for me, even I'm the mistress of the relationship I was not respected as such and I was making more efforts than him to work out.

[Je****]

The not my kink issue when pussed isn’t really acceptable sub behaviour