How do you even bring it up to your partner that you are into TPE(/PPE)?

[difforen]

Hi all,

I've been into Dom/sub dynamics for many years and I also noticed that I am pretty much into a TPE dynamic (me being the sub). The thing is, since about 1 year I am in a non-kinky relationship. Our sex is a bit Dom/sub, but that's it. How do you even bring the kink partial/total power exchange up? The thing is, our relationship started totally vanilla and I basically introduced the Dom/sub dynamic in the bedroom. I also don't want to burden him and I don't want to alienate him...

Does anyone have any tips on this? Or have I kind of fumbled with partner selection? The thing is he is an amazing guy, very caring, super careful and understanding. So I kind of worry in the end he would do things just because he feels he has to, with which he is not comfortable.

[VV****]

I’d recommend that you communicate with your partner on your desires from a BDSM perspective. Explain your experiences and turn ons- which sounds like you already have done to some extent which is great

[VV****]

Try introducing the idea of TPE…for shorter durations as part of play…a long weekend perhaps. Your partner may really like it. Either way you can say you’ve tried

[Ce****]

Being a D-type requires a lot of devotion and work. PE(no matter the degree) also is a lot of responsibility both ways, but especially for the d-type.

Have you assessed his capabilities in terms of handling the challenges that comes with it and also what could be in it for him?
What have you (the sub) done to actually ensure you know what PE entails and what you want from it or if you really need it?

My suggestion
Find resources and books to educate yourself on PE. Discover what you need and want from it. How does it benefit your 'vanilla-ish' partner, etc.
Then you find some articles on PE (brief) or an erotica with PE (if he reads stuff like that) and share with your SO and ask him what he thinks about it. Don't overwhelm him yet, because it can, even for someone willing. You have to have loads of knowledge by then to be able to answer some questions he has or signpost him to where he can find them (this is if he is interested). Most people have gotten their other half into kink by buying them a book on it and reading together or erotica.
This takes time, you have to be patient. No matter how badly you want it. If you luck out and he enjoys it, good for you. If he doesn't, I'm sorry you have a decision to make.

[he****]

Honest communication in any relationship goes a long way. Just take a leap of faith and allow yourself to be *** with your partner.

[Ra****]

But, do be prepared for this not to be the rabbit hole he want to fall down. He may even try to show out, but you will know quite quickly if his heart is truly in it.
Showing someone you care by gripping them by the throat is not something everyone has in them. And just like none of us want to be kink shamed, he shouldn’t be…(not kinked, unkinked, vanilla? Shamed)
My 2¢
P.S. square peg round hole and all that

[Mi****]

Just talk to him and get his views. He might like it, if not, you’ll have to make the decision on whether you can put your desires aside and just carry on with how things are.
.

It’s solely for this reason that I don’t date vanilla. Ever. I’d rather just be single until the right sub comes along for me.
It’s fine introducing a partner to the lifestyle, but, if they’re not that into it and just going along with it to please you, then there isn’t going to be fulfilment on either side. I personally like a partner that wants/craves to submit to me. If they were just doing it without getting any enjoyment/fulfilment themselves, I in return would not feel fulfilled.
Hope this makes sense haha🥴

[Ch****]

You're right to try to find suggestions and ideas on ways to bring it up to your partner. As everyone's saying, yes, communication is paramount! But just as important isn't just what you say, but How you say it. Before you bring up your wants and needs, it's important to feel the temperature of the room you're about to enter, and how that temperature affects you and him differently. I've witnessed this request go very successfully as Well as putting a discomfort into a relationship... so I encourage you to tread carefully, with understanding, no expectations and as much sensitivity as you'd hope he would have for you.
I do suggest prior to your actual request for more D/s, to see how he feels about being more dominating in the bedroom by Not Requesting it, but instead by mentioning how it makes you feel when he does do a bit of it... help him see how turned on it makes you... Then, when his eyes light up, that's a good time to ask something to the effect of "could I have more of that please?"
Expect him to ask "Well what would you like?"
Have a couple answers ready that you feel deep down he would appreciate... "I loved it when you ______, and especially when you _____...". Words of bedroom affirmations like this will transfer your enthusiasm over to him without attempting to have a clinical conversation that, to him, would feel like he "might not be doing enough in the bedroom", (a feeling we don't want to ever miss-message to our significant others). That is the concept I hope my paragraph relays to you... that's where I've seen this conversation go awry.
Start there.

[ey****]

Some things to also try to clear in your head first

- what does this look like to you?

because different folk have different ideas on TPE

- what is required from your partner to make it work?

- how will it benefit their life?

because if their effort exceeds their reward it's going to be a difficult sell, and may lead to burn out or resentment

- what would you be doing that you aren't doing now?

- why aren't you doing it now?

honestly, a lot of stuff in a lot of dynamics is stuff you don't need to wait for the other person to take the lead on

[difforen]

Hey all! I've read all your replies and your tips are very helpful... I especially liked the idea of trying the waters so to say and taking the lead on it implicitly! And then just seeing how it goes...

[Go****]

Not specific to any kink but in general. When I'm watching a movie with my baby girl, princess, etc, if I see something that is super hot to me, I say with an excited voice God that is so hot, I love that. Sometimes it surprises them and they ask really? And I respond back yeah, I love that I would totally get into that. And that sparks a conversation. That happened many times by accident in the past and then I learned, that if I wanted to bring something up that might be considered taboo and make my partner nervous, the first thing I needed to do is to show them that other people are doing it to and that normal is what you make it. Now when I feel that way, I start looking for movies that might have scenes in it that I want to expose my baby girl too and use those purposefully to break the ice and start the conversation. Hope this helps