Lack of sexual emotional attachment

[Lanna-4658]

Ive only just found this site and realised after coming out of an 18 year relationship that my "normal" sex life wasn't quite as vanilla as i thought 

and in fact anything but lol.

For as long as I can remember sex of any sort has just been sex, good, bad or indifferent there has never been any emotional connection between the person and the act be it my ex who I did love and had been with for 18 years, to a one night stand or friends with benefits its just sex. so it's no different really to shaking hands just a little more intimate.  

I hate using the word "normal" but i breifly got back with my ex and he made such a fuss over anyone id slept with where as I really didn't who been with as its just sex.  Is this detachment of feelings from sex normal? I love sex I just don't get why my feelings towards sex seem different 🤔

[Deleted Member]

I think that if it's normal for you, it's normal. Everybody is different and that's the joy of life. We're all unique.   

[Call_me_sir]

I believe you need something very exciting and unexpected to fuel your passion once again. maybe sex outdoors or with another woman. I would recommend fucking somebody younger.

[Wh1tepump5]

Just do what you wanna do...life is just too short...xx

[andrebarr]

Chill your normal. There is a difference to making love to someone you really love and having sex. Having sex is just for the physical pleasure and the different experience. If I’m just having sex with someone I wouldn’t want an emotional connection, that could interefere with what ever we were doing.

[Robustlove]

  Quote

For as long as I can remember sex of any sort has just been sex, good, bad or indifferent there has never been any emotional connection between the person and the act be it my ex who I did love and had been with for 18 years, to a one night stand or friends with benefits its just sex. so it's no different really to shaking hands just a little more intimate.  

I hate using the word "normal" but i breifly got back with my ex and he made such a fuss over anyone id slept with where as I really didn't who been with as its just sex.  Is this detachment of feelings from sex normal? I love sex I just don't get why my feelings towards sex seem different 🤔

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I also hate to use the word "normal", but what you have said is something I have heard again and again from nay people over the years. Not all of us do feel any emotional attachment or connection when having sex. Is this "normal"? Well for many people it is normal, probably more people than you would think. Is it "normal" for everyone, well no, but then we are all very different people and all have varying degrees of emotional connections to people when we have sex or make love. For some people the act of having sex or making love is a vital part of how they express their love and devotion to their partner, but then there are just as many people who don't feel that sex or making love is something they need to express love through and they have other ways of doing this in other parts of their lives.

 

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself Lanna or overthink this too much. Your ex partner is obviously wired in a different way to the way you are and has far more emotional connection and investment in sexual activity than you do. Juts because he and you don't share the same perspective or feelings about this aspect of your lives doesn't mean that either of you are wrong or abnormal in feeling the way you do. It just means you are different and differences are what makes us all so unique, special and interesting to each other, if he find's it difficult to accept the way you are or feel about things then it says far more about him and his issues than it does about you. If he could appreciate and celebrate your differences instead of seeing them as something potentially negative you would both have been far happier, accepted and felt more at ease with your situation.