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Hello, my name is Professor Harry P. Enis but my friends call me "Hap". The majority of my life has been dedicated to the study of Genitology, particularly the interactions between the male fleshy appendage commonly referred to as the penis, and the exquisitely designed, awe inspiring female orifice surrounded by labial folds known as the vagina. After many years of extensive research and exhaustive experimentation, the evidence would seem to indicate that by strategically inserting the former into the latter, one can create heightened sensations of extreme pleasure and euphoria, resulting in an explosive discharge of seminal fluid and vaginal secretions. However, the data is not all in. Therefore, as a personal sacrifice, I am donating my own fleshy appendage in the interest of science and need volunteers. Anyone possessing a vagina is strongly encouraged to contact our organization, the Founders Of Respected National Institutes Concerning Adult Training Exercises or our University chapter, Campus Organization to Prepare Undergraduates for Life And The Essentials. All volunteers will be treated with the utmost dignity and respect in what promises to be a very fulfilling experience. All of us here at F.O.R.N.I.C.A.T.E. and C.O.P.U.L.A.T.E. are firmly committed to understanding every facet of this phenomenon and will work tirelessly until everyone is fully satisfied with the results. Thank you for your consideration.

P.S. Pics of said vaginas and/or their owners are welcome but not mandatory.

Ok, that was for fun. Now for the REAL ad:
I am married but, for various reasons, I have no plans on changing that any time soon. Therefore, I am extremely careful, clean, and discreet. I am also a very thoughtful, considerate man with a creative sense of humor. I am simply looking for a safe and sane, intelligent woman or couple who want to have some fun sexy times without any other drama. If this sounds appealing to you, then please send a message and let's talk.