Having been here for a couple of weeks now, it was suggested to me that I might take a fresh look at my profile and update it. So here I am.
I'm an English hippy chick living in Scotland. I thrive on the connections I have with the important people in my life, and the great outdoors. I'm not one for entertaining drama, or negative vibes and I'm very much a "my door is always open" person. I like to think I'm non-judgemental, down to earth and approachable. Always down for coffee, cake and a deep and meaningful conversation. In my free time, I can be found walking the Scottish hills, wild swimming in the lochs, listening to music, and spending hours (and a small fortune!) on a variety of arts and crafts. Shameless TV binge-watcher and big-book reader.
I joined the community here to learn about my own kinks and other peoples. My biggest lessons to date have been learning what I DON'T want. I've worked out that while I am submissive, I need a dom who can challenge me intellectually and emotionally, and expect that back from me. I suppose that makes me a little bratty. Funishment > Punishment, mostly. I would like a dynamic built on a strong vanilla foundation and an appreciation for self-care, self-love, and personal and relationship growth. I want to find someone who can educate me, push my boundaries and yet treat me with the care and respect I deserve. I want a bond.
I would love to make friends within the community. I hope to continue learning, and experience some in-person meets and events. Always down to chat with like-minded people and I can often be found in the Chat Room Lobby, but I'm absolutely not looking for T/b, M/s or D/s dynamic offers in opening pms, please and thanks.
Desires and Fantasies
Wanting to explore rope play, impact play and sensory deprivation.
Absolutely.
I read the mentor thread and was tempted to post there but couldn't really get my words right. A single mentor is too problematic and not a good idea (imo) but having a forum post or even a page on the site/app that listed community approved members who were happy to be approached by Read more… newbs, would be pretty cool. Obviously this could turn into a seriously draining and time consuming thing for those people, so those people need to make their boundaries clear.
Maybe "ads" on the forum or on profiles stating what the member can offer and in what quantity, eg: "Experienced Sub happy to chat to noobies who might appreciate some first-hand stories and advice. Particularly experienced in X play and Y play. Busy professional so only available for a couple of hours each week but send a message over and I'll get back to you when I can" - simple, sets a general idea of availability and would have been effective for someone like me. I would hope that anyone offering up guidance on something would have at very least, a couple of website links and forum posts to direct someone to, and a few personal stories they don't mind sharing - "I did this and it went wrong, this is what it taught me and I hope it helps you too" type stuff. I see a lot of people offering up advice that then turns into a dismissive "Have you tried googling it?" *rollseyes*.
What's a girl got to do to earn some extra cash around here? £5 isn't fair, or I'm greedy?
I've been here a month and will probably class myself as new for many more yet.
The forums have been great. Mostly. The benefit of the forum is that you can search back to previous posts, and after a while, you can read replies that confirm the content is good or not in a new thread. But if you Read more… catch a new thread go up, it could be quite easy for a non-experienced person to grab at whatever is said with both hands and not think to question it or wait for other input. This isn't too much of a problem for me, I have some experience, and a lot of life experience but I can see how easily it could be a problem. So aye, anyways, forums have been mostly great for me.
The lobby/chat rooms/munches have been brilliant. Meeting some "friendly faces" and having real conversations with people who treated me like a normal human being meant the world to me. There are people on here who have asked my favourite colour, when my birthday is, and if I like a tea or coffee in the afternoon as a pick-me-up, without ever asking about my kinks. We've made friendships based on who we are as people.
What has helped the most, and I realise is probably completely out of the ordinary, has been crossing paths with someone that I had an instant connection with. They have put me in contact with other much respected and well known people within the community when they couldn't help/felt someone was more knowledgeable or generally a good contact, sent me links to forum posts and websites, and spent hours having thorough discussions with me. By getting to know me, they managed to identify gaps in my knowledge and experience and guide me to where I might learn. I've learnt more in the last two weeks about myself and kink than I think I would in two years had I been left to my own devices. The thing here is, I'm not the type of person to reach out to anyone. I wouldn't have sent a message to this person, or anyone else, because I hate feeling like a burden. I'd have slowly got "there" on my own, but it would have been a much longer process and maybe not as thorough. I wonder how many newbies miss out on creating wonderful connections, and learning a lot from the community, because they are full of anxiety like me and/or when they get brave, reach out to the wrong person?
I think truly what helps the most is having the confidence and mindset to jump into the community with both feet and embrace the knowledge and opportunities that can be found here. You can lead a horse to water.. or something.
Dropping you a message x
Same! Did you have any joy working out how to find the right number/clue?