Releasing emotions and frustrations as a Dominant

[DJWolfDen]

This is going to be both a question and also a statement.
As a Dominant whether you are on the extreme side of things or if you're on the more lighter side being a daddy Dom, when you have pent up frustrations and emotions and not having a way of releasing those frustrations and emotions how do you handle this?
This primarily goes out to the single Doms who do not have a submissive or slave in their lives to turn to to help them achieve the release that is needed.
As a daddy Dom who is live this way of life for the past 24 years, and being single and not having a good submissive in my life full time takes a toll on my emotional - mental - physical wellbeing without having an outlet is what causes the frustrations.
This is a genuine concern and a genuine topic that should be talked about, for I know that there are Doms out there who have no cares for emotions or frustrations and there are also people in this way of life who disregard people feelings and emotions and that needs to also be addressed.
This is a discussion that should always take place no matter who or what you are

[Gr****]

• Walking.
• Some people go to a gym and work out. If they're feeling particularly tactile, they may work on a punching bag.
• Talking with friends.
• Attending specialized munches.
• My work schedule recently changed so I can attend Ecstatic Dance again, which is very expressive.
• singing along with certain music.

 

[Ho****]

Being a single dude without an outlet sucks.  Lifestyle or no.  I think the go to for a big percentage of men these days is porn.  Not that I'd recommend that.  Do man things.  Dust off some goals that you've let langush and knock them out.  Do just about anything other than fixate on the hunt for a sub.  Needy isn't a good look.

[da****]

I’m not a dom but I have a Mistress and right now I let her hit me as hard as she needs to even if it can be to much for me because of a family issue she’s going through I told her I’ll be her punching bag so to speak so she doesn’t end up in jail
Over some bullshit she will control it even when she wants to let loose and take out her emotions on the male spices I have legit looked at her and said you’re holding back she goes I don’t want to hurt you I say she won’t boy was I off on my assessment of how hard she can hit lol

[Th****]

Learn what works for you without requiring another person.

Needing another person to release your frustrations is not healthy at all.

[da****]

  14 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Learn what works for you without requiring another person.

Needing another person to release your frustrations is not healthy at all.

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She doesn’t like to use me that way but I have always been able to take more than most can give physically emotionally and just be a punching bag now she actually feels bad if she thinks she went to far and at times I push her to hit harder the brat in me lol but then she stops our scene and will give me what we affectionately call backpack time it helps her with guilt feelings and helps me because I get to be close to her in about the only way possible

[CopperKnob]

There's a lack of clarity within the OP which means that it can be read in a number of ways so I can see how it's elicited the type of response it has.
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To those that (I hope) have misinterpreted it...
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People who we, as subs, have put in a position of power over us should be able to control their emotions, and that means that they should not be releasing their frustrations through any form of h^rm.
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If they can't control themselves, they should not have any form of control over others.
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Equally, people in all walks of life should have identified various strategies to release emotions without reliance upon others. Strategies should be healthy. If most of society would frown upon misusing substances etc then we should also be frowning on D's going too far and ourselves at being surprised at how hard someone can "hit".
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Being reliant on someone else for our own emotional, physical, and mental well-being isn't healthy. My suggestion would be to identify why this is the case and work on those areas.

[CopperKnob]

  20 minutes ago, dale46805 said:

She doesn’t like to use me that way but I have always been able to take more than most can give physically emotionally and just be a punching bag now she actually feels bad if she thinks she went to far and at times I push her to hit harder the brat in me lol but then she stops our scene and will give me what we affectionately call backpack time it helps her with guilt feelings and helps me because I get to be close to her in about the only way possible

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I'm not sure Macabre was commenting on your comment. I was.
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This comment confuses me. First, you suggest you "push her" to hut harder on an altruistic level, to release her frustration. Next your suggesting you do it because you're a brat. You then suggest you do it because it's the only way to get close to her.
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Maybe I misread and I'm aware two (maybe 3) things can be true at the same time but, there's so much contradiction here.

[ey****]

Another person shouldn't be an outlet for release 

or, I guess, depending on how it's interpreted - the person doesn't have to be a sub/partner/etc

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I guess depending on interpretations - if you've had a shitty day at work and taking a belt to a consenting submissive would help you feel better : that sounds great, but does this (a) mean you only play when you feel shitty? - and - (b) what if you are relying on this and they do not wish to play?

And it doesn't even have to be that, like - sometimes being in a low mood, it can be good to vent, or talk or whatever with someone - but that doesn't have to be a partner.  A best friend, a community group, a parent/relative.   

And even then... it's still unhealthy to rely on one person for your own emotional well being; so often a case of finding some form of hobby, something which works for you.

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I'd add. Over the years I've seen many folk (and maybe been a little guilty of it myself when younger) who are in some form of low mood or unhappiness - and feel a partner would rectify that.  i.e. I am unhappy cos I'm lonely, lack intimacy, etc. and if I had those things I would be happy.  And it doesn't *quite* work like that.  

Cos then what?  What if it doesn't work out? 

[Sarah405]

I have a personal code for myself, one part of it is that I do not engage while frustrated/angry/etc, to me it is similar to the medical phase "Do no harm"

[da****]

  6 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm not sure Macabre was commenting on your comment. I was.
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This comment confuses me. First, you suggest you "push her" to hut harder on an altruistic level, to release her frustration. Next your suggesting you do it because you're a brat. You then suggest you do it because it's the only way to get close to her.
.
Maybe I misread and I'm aware two (maybe 3) things can be true at the same time but, there's so much contradiction here.

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So i am a brat but my Mistress is a Lesbian so the aftercare we do is her being a backpack basically it’s just cuddles with a little choking and since she doesn’t have “sexual” relationships with her male subs she’s actually bi but due to trauma has sworn off men in that way for a while and sorry it was late when i typed that and was exhausted but the getting close to her only happens in aftercare where i get to feel her body against mine and i have pushed her to hit harder than she was initially comfortable with due to my bratty tendencies and it helps her and me to heal from our trauma for me it’s the consent aspect of it where i used to get beat or yelled at if i was sick and couldn’t do anything by my ex wife and how if I didn’t do something exactly how my mom wanted it done the first time she’d find different ways to punish me not being able to accept that I had to figure out my own way to do something that works for me

[Cu****]

Then if the dominants who have “no cares for emotions”, (do you mean their own of those of others to whom they relate?) or “disregard people’s feelings and emotions”, are not in control of themselves and therefore have the potential to project ***, bullying and manipulation of others. To think that they consider themselves as being acceptabled as a dominant within a bdsm community, is abhorant, dangerous and sycophantic. Within bdsm there are a number of generally recognised codes of conduct; being safe, sane and consensual (SSC) being one of them. If someone is single, and frustrated by the lack of contact with someone who is submissive, then look at how you’re conducting yourself, how you communicate with a potential submissive; there’s a whole realm of reasons why someone who feels submissive might not wish to connect with a dominant, and that’s a submissive’s choice based on what they are seeking. A prime reason why they might not relate to a dominant, is because first and foremost, they don’t feel safe, which perhaps comes from the communication that has been transmitted between the two individuals. Also, a female is not likely to want to meet a frustrated, unempathetic, male who appears to think that they are entitled to “use” a submissive in any way that they want to, regardless of their mood., especially not in their own home. How can you be a daddy dom, if you don’t have control over you emotions? How can you be trusted? What is a daddy? What perception would you expect a “little” to have of a daddy? You need to find releases for your own frustrations through physical activity, relaxing hobbies/interests, to achieve a balance of your cortisol levels which your body produces when you’re stressed. By involving yourself in walking, running/jogging, swimming, gym time, surrounding yourself with restful views, meditation, chilling out, laughing at favourite comedy, relaxing , you increase the production of dopamine and endorphins which are released when you do pleasurable activities. You, are in control of your destiny. Your gp would advice you on counselling, that may be available as a talking therapy too. You cannot ignore what you’ve described, otherwise you’ll not change anything, and still be annoyed with everything around you, and therefore still unsafe in the eyes and thoughts of females around you. You cannot ignore what changes you have to make to your behaviour, to bring about positive outcomes and a potentially healthier you, in the future. Sorry for the essay.

[Th****]

  On 1/31/2025 at 11:21 PM, dale46805 said:

She doesn’t like to use me that way but I have always been able to take more than most can give physically emotionally and just be a punching bag now she actually feels bad if she thinks she went to far and at times I push her to hit harder the brat in me lol but then she stops our scene and will give me what we affectionately call backpack time it helps her with guilt feelings and helps me because I get to be close to her in about the only way possible

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I wasn't replying to you. If I was then I would have quoted you (like I'm doing now). I was replying to the OP. But hey if the shoe fits.

Not everything is about you. If you can't handle comments to a post which you aren't the OP of, made after you commented, not being about; you should stay off every kind of forum.

[Si****]

Erm... doms who "disregard peoples feelings and emotions" aren't doms. They are just ***rs...
Doms main focus should always be the safety and wellbeing of their sub.

[Si****]

Damn censoring... the word that got censored is "a.b.u. s.e.r.s"

[da****]

  1 hour ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

I wasn't replying to you. If I was then I would have quoted you (like I'm doing now). I was replying to the OP. But hey if the shoe fits.

Not everything is about you. If you can't handle comments to a post which you aren't the OP of, made after you commented, not being about; you should stay off every kind of forum.

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Maybe I’m not understanding what you are talking about because it seemed to be related to a comment I made about letting her take frustrations out on me I was just clarifying my previous comment to you and I could have missed a reply you did to someone else because I let my dominant take out some of her frustrations on me because it’s the***utic to both of us clearly you’re statement showed some issue with how we handle our own dynamic and i get that you felt it was a generalized response but it was related to my own comment you can respond to someone even if you don’t tag their name