My Dom left me

[ny****]

1 hour ago, nycgentledaddy said:

That’s a widely disproportionate reaction/punishment to the “crime” of being stuck at work for 30 minutes. That sets off so many red flags, he may as well be a bullfighter! It’s unclear what the nature of your dynamic was prior to this but be thankful you dodged a bullet. Even in the most strictest of Dom/sub 24/7 power exchanges both parties know that sometimes life gets in the way of plans. A real
Dom would find a way to incorporate punishment play as a result and let it go. Someone who is so tightly wound that their rubber band snapped over working late for thirty minutes is not a good Dom for ANY sub!!

Strictest* (not most strictest)

[MrHulk]

Hi there I am so sorry for how you have been treated its never nice, No you are not meant to feel like this at all, you have not done anything wrong as you was working, BBBIIGG HHHUUUGGSSS

[Deleted Member]

You didn’t do it on purpose so you shouldn’t be punished… there should be an balance and appreciation for you being a sub, not treat you like you a toy, that’s definitely not the way to have a dom/sub relationship, he did you a favour if he’s gone

[Deleted Member]

It always makes me smile when I see the number of (blindly) supportive people who react with a virtual cuddle. What do we know? Nothing about him, little about her. She writes in her profile she’s looking for “a sensitive Dom”. What’s the meaning? A Dom who will be respectful of her limits? That sounds normal to me (to a certain extent: there’s also a kink about bringing a sub to her edge or pushing to cross the boundaries, right?). Or is it a request for a Dom who actually does what she wants (or doesn’t do what she doesn’t want)? That sounds to me a lot like a typical topping from the bottom.
She seems to be emotionally quite ***. Did they discuss this aspect? Apparently not. She states that “it hurts”. Duh? First time you guys hear about a Dom hurting his sub? Sure, there’s “good” and “bad hurting”. Maybe she’s an emotional masochist, enjoying the whip but unable to face the emotional denial. Might be he was tired of her and just looked for the slightest “error” in order to dump her. This wouldn’t be nice nor honorable.
If he re-opens the communication, I’d suggest they talk. Exhaustively. If he doesn’t… well, littlegg, then you chose a poor partner and I suggest you question your choice criteria.

[DarkArts1066]

RopesandBallgag - I’m not sure I entirely agree. The OP sounds like an inexperienced sub to me who has had the rope placed around her neck - and the trapdoor opened - without understanding what ‘crime’ she has been punished for. No, we don’t know anything about her, certainly no more than we do about anyone on this site. - but one thing is pretty obvious to me - she is hurting because she feels abandoned.

Difficult to condense an entire relationship profile on a site like this from start to finish in a couple of sentences, and I wouldn’t want to personally, but I feel we know enough about her situation from her perspective to at least comment from a position of experience.

“Topping from the bottom” is an expression we hear a lot from Doms who have lost perspective on their sub - or their own D/s relationship. It is a statement of frustration - more often than not. Not a diagnosis.

If he was “tired of her”, then that just compounds the inadequacy of his behaviour for me.

If he reopens the communication, I would frankly suggest she avoids him.
He has already broken her trust - and trust, as we know, is everything in a D/s relationship.

[ny****]

3 hours ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

It always makes me smile when I see the number of (blindly) supportive people who react with a virtual cuddle. What do we know? Nothing about him, little about her. She writes in her profile she’s looking for “a sensitive Dom”. What’s the meaning? A Dom who will be respectful of her limits? That sounds normal to me (to a certain extent: there’s also a kink about bringing a sub to her edge or pushing to cross the boundaries, right?). Or is it a request for a Dom who actually does what she wants (or doesn’t do what she doesn’t want)? That sounds to me a lot like a typical topping from the bottom.
She seems to be emotionally quite ***. Did they discuss this aspect? Apparently not. She states that “it hurts”. Duh? First time you guys hear about a Dom hurting his sub? Sure, there’s “good” and “bad hurting”. Maybe she’s an emotional masochist, enjoying the whip but unable to face the emotional denial. Might be he was tired of her and just looked for the slightest “error” in order to dump her. This wouldn’t be nice nor honorable.
If he re-opens the communication, I’d suggest they talk. Exhaustively. If he doesn’t… well, littlegg, then you chose a poor partner and I suggest you question your choice criteria.

Blindly supportive? I’m not blindly supportive of anyone. I’m supportive of a person who is hurting with justification because a Dom did NOT treat her with respect and violated her trust. You should be ashamed at yourself IF you’re an experienced Dom for trying to tear down a hurting sub and make her question her behavior WITHOUT acknowledging that the Doms behavior was universally NOT okay in ANY situation. If you don’t see that, then it’s you who needs the introspective look!

[Deleted Member]

Hey guys, tomes could be written about the reasons why certain Doms prefer to attack opinions instead of merely express theirs. Misunderstood spirit of competition, exceeding testosterone, a narcissistic and pathological belief of possessing the Revealed Truth, and some others, the list is long. I expressed my opinions, doubts, and - believe it or not - I’m entitled to. Just like you guys. Now take a deep breath and try to offer opinions about the issue, instead of wasting time with me. ‘Cause I don’t need to justify myself and I have no fun in engaging a neverending polemic. Have fun and cheers.

[ny****]

35 minutes ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Hey guys, tomes could be written about the reasons why certain Doms prefer to attack opinions instead of merely express theirs. Misunderstood spirit of competition, exceeding testosterone, a narcissistic and pathological belief of possessing the Revealed Truth, and some others, the list is long. I expressed my opinions, doubts, and - believe it or not - I’m entitled to. Just like you guys. Now take a deep breath and try to offer opinions about the issue, instead of wasting time with me. ‘Cause I don’t need to justify myself and I have no fun in engaging a neverending polemic. Have fun and cheers.

This from the guy who called our opinions “blindly supportive” lmao

[th****]

It’s shit behaviour on his part. Being a Dom isn’t a excuse to act like a complete ass. This seems more like emotional ***, esp it he re-establishes contact and used this incident as an implied threat in the future. Some ‘doms’ have such fragile little egos that any affront to them is met with lashing out. Block, delete and move on

[Js****]

Cutting off communication is never ok. That's not an acceptable punishment for any behavior, it's ***.

[CopperKnob]

You should never be 'willing to accept anything' for what a Dtype may consider to be an infringement. You negotiate what 'punishments' are appropriate for various behaviours IF your dynamic involves punishments at all, because, not all do.
Further, anything which is outside your control does not warrant a punishment and this should be a clear limit from the outset.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry that some of those commenting lack empathy when you're going through a hard time.
Sometimes, if you don't have something kind to say, it's best to say nothing at all.

[Da****]

Hello littlegg666, I'm sorry that you feel abandoned and lied to. It isn't how you're meant to feel.

Is it over over from your Dom's point of view? Could that response have been just a part of the play? You did say you were willing to accept anything. I'm not sure how long ago this happened.

[Du****]

His ego hurted cos he realised he is not the top priority at all times. It was your work. He got hurt and depressed and isnt able to deal with such emotions his sick ego drives him to. Not you. ...i strongly recommended anyone to leave narcissistic men asap they will destroy your life. They will make you drop your friends, job, even your family, your hobbies, so he will be the only one you will have, dependant on him, and thats when the *** really starts. Not immediately but after you are totally under his net and hooked on him. ..now he will teach you lesson what can happen if you dont make him his priority. You can forget him and move on with life and be happy, or you accept his manipulative psychotic behaviour and become misserable with destroyed life.

[Du****]

Dont know how long you been together, but if its been some time, you developed trauma, self esteem and you need to heal BEFORE jumping into another narcissistic so called Dom. Dont let them devalue your emotions, you have every right to feel angry, sad, happy....once u value your emotions you will stop attract narcissists.

[Deleted Member]

As above, the should be respect, trust, loyalty and boundaries, in no way is it about degrading or hurting someone, it’s an exchange of power

[Deleted Member]

Were you late meeting him or just late communicating with him? My last Dom was the worst bastard I have known and should have got out sooner, but I beleived all these lies he kept telling me. He blocked me from whatsapp so many times. And then we talked by text and came back. But again blocked me when I was disobedient. Went on for 3.5 months until I finally left him. It would still be going on now if allowed it.

[GodofPunishment]

Sorry to hear that about your Dom. Not all Doms are that way. Sounds to me he doesn't know what he's doing. Maybe even pretending to be one. Don't give up. We're out there and we're not all like that. All my subs I've ever had appreciated me and everything I did for them (or too them😉😉), or with them. Not good to just abandon your sub. Period!

[FantasyMasterDaddy]

WOW.....

[so****]

I'm sorry. There's too many sh*tty people out there these days. I had a mistress abandon me once & I know how bad it feels to be cut off like that. However I'm not really that submissive so it didn't affect me as much as it probably would an actual sub. But as a dominant-leaning person, I always respect my subs feelings. I HATE sh*tty "Doms" with a passion. You'll snap back👍i promise. Just keep your head high & try to meet more responsible & respectful doms in the future. We do exist lol we're just greatly outnumbered by the sh*try ones lol

[Deleted Member]

All you guys are saying your sorry but what if she has done this so many times that it's just not worth it anymore what if she could've called or messaged instead of just making him wait remember who's in charge the Dom or the sub.

[Deleted Member]

Above : fair point but as all thinks they should of been talked about, even if it’s to say it’s not working… not just up and leave, that not right either way 🤔

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, adventures29 said:

All you guys are saying your sorry but what if she has done this so many times that it's just not worth it anymore what if she could've called or messaged instead of just making him wait remember who's in charge the Dom or the sub.

Who said she didn't let the dom know?
What if she had done it previously?
What if the sky was green, the grass blue and the cat caught a squirrel and they became best mates creating sqircats as offspring? Or any other obscure question we can think of.
D/s or vanilla, you don't shut off communication because you don't get your own way. Doing so isn't asserting your dominance as the supposed Dtype. It's immaturity.
D/s is, at it's most basic, an equal partnership where negotiations are agreed, boundaries are set and one person defers to the other within agreed limits. Just because the Dtype is placed in a position of authority, does not mean that they are 'in charge' there's an exchange of power.
Based simply on the info within the OP, which is all we have to go on, the D acted like a 🍆

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, adventures29 said:

All you guys are saying your sorry but what if she has done this so many times that it's just not worth it anymore what if she could've called or messaged instead of just making him wait remember who's in charge the Dom or the sub.

Who is in charge? The Sub, always.  They gifted their Submission, they can take it back any time. That is true power. They're normally the ones to tear up the contract if they end up with one of the millions of Fakes in the scene. Who trains the Doms? They strike me as utterly clueless for the most part, at least the Subs sign up wanting to learn and often having done a lot of research. 

[Si****]

Man i had my woman of 5 years uo and not come back over a month now. Blocked me for 2 weeks twice now and is only bringing the kids around when she needa ***. We been going through it but i would habe never imagined her up and dipping like she did. Over her crossing boundaries on discord actually. We jumping into this scene over half a year ago and fr once she got comfy she said f**k me and stopped loving me....i feel you on feeling abandonded and lied to. Now im literally a last option cash flow and a daycare for her on the weekends... Wtf has the world came to. 5 years just to act like im not even worthy of an actual breakup, and also not worthy of the truth the way she spreading lies to cover her crazy impulsive move

[ny****]

3 hours ago, adventures29 said:

All you guys are saying your sorry but what if she has done this so many times that it's just not worth it anymore what if she could've called or messaged instead of just making him wait remember who's in charge the Dom or the sub.

“What if she had done “this” so many times before….” What is the “this”? She did NOTHING wrong. She was stuck at work for 30 minutes and communicated she would be late. It happens frequently in many many jobs - get over yourself if you can’t handle a sub who works.