Calling yourself a Dom at 18

January 6, 2023

If a guy is 18 and considers himself a Dom, do you really think he’s gained enough experience to understand the intricacies and responsibility it entails? Has he learned the ins & out of a woman’s body and psyche to not cause harm? I wonder with a dose of skepticism. Discuss.

January 6, 2023

Being dominant in the bedroom is different to a 24/7 pe dynamic. I find most D are tops at best ..

January 6, 2023

All depends on if he did any research on the lifestyle or not before calling himself a "Dom". Or if he just dove in and considered himself dominant without knowing what he is doing.

January 6, 2023

This is another of those posts that is written in a gender bias form but in reality it applies to the role not the gender.

  Can a Dominant call themselves a Dominant when they have little to no experience? Yes they can!
Because that is the role they have chosen for themselves. But what they shouldn’t do, is claim to have experience that they don’t have.

3 hours ago, Zela said:

Has he learned the ins & out of a woman’s body and psyche to not cause harm?

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A Dominant doesn’t need to know the in’s and outs of their submissive’s body to take control as dominance is not about being sexual. It can involve sexual practices, but being a Dominant is not about sex itself.

But who’s to say that they don’t know enough about the psyche? They’ve had 18 years of experience of interacting with other people. They know right from wrong, and they know what will and won’t cause harm based on the experiences they’ve had. Again what they shouldn’t do, is claim to have experience that they don’t have.

3 hours ago, Zela said:

do you really think he’s gained enough experience to understand the intricacies and responsibility it entails?

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It’s not about age.
We all had to start somewhere and I’ve met 18 year olds with far more self control, integrity and willingness to learn than some 30 year olds. I’ve also met some 19 and 20 year olds with more lifestyle experience than some people in their 40’s and 50’s who have just found their kinky side.

Now - had you asked me “can an 18YO call themselves a ‘Master’?" Then, depending on whether they were talking D/s or M/s, my response might be different. But IMO, calling themselves a Dominant at 18 is absolutely fine as long as they act like a Dominant and not a domineering idiot!

January 6, 2023

I think it really boils down to their life experiences. That age group is outside of age bracket so I don't come across them but, whilst I think that someone of any age can identify as Dom/sub, with regards to a Dtype, there's a lot of skills to be acquired through learning and so, rather than thinking about age as a chronological number, I would be thinking about and discussing their experiences and motivation/pland for developing both as an individual and as a Dtype.

January 6, 2023

Will he be well versed and experienced? Not likely, however someone in their 30's doesn't ensure nothing better. As mentioned in another comment. Of course he can be in the role. Hopefully he accepts his limited experience and is willing to continue to grow. We all start somewhere and if he is shut out due to age he will merely end up learning the same lessons and fundamentals at a later time and be no more experienced then as now. We all have to start somewhere.

January 6, 2023

The whole role definitions are broken.
I tryed several times to bring it up talking about roles and titles. But then all The Tops and bottoms come out to flame.

These days if you like to spank they call themselves Dom instead of Top.
If a totally not submissive not obedience one that like to get spanked or fucked rough they call themselves sub instead of bottom.

Lifestyle and kinky sex is getting mixed up.

And if you want to talk about it. Our come those exact people with masses saying "we can fill in BDSM and do whatever we like"

Yes sure.
But don't call a taco a pizza.

January 6, 2023

10 minutes ago, MasterMoksi said:

The whole role definitions are broken.
I tryed several times to bring it up talking about roles and titles. But then all The Tops and bottoms come out to flame.

These days if you like to spank they call themselves Dom instead of Top.
If a totally not submissive not obedience one that like to get spanked or fucked rough they call themselves sub instead of Dom.

Lifestyle and kinky sex is getting mixed up.

And if you want to talk about it. Our come those exact people with masses saying "we can fill in bdsm and do whatever we like"

Yes sure.
But don't call a taco a pizza.
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Where's the indication/evidence that the individual the OP's speaking about is not a Dom?

I'm neither a Top nor a bottom and I'm not attempting to "flame" you, but honestly, what does a label matter? We all get twisted about what "role" we are when really, it truly doesn't matter. All that matters is understanding our individual likes/limits and finding someone who's compatible.

January 6, 2023

As a young person, the self-proclaimed role is less important than their willingness to learn and grow based on clear communication. You should be able to vet that within a few conversations to see if it’s worth proceeding.

This is true of all ages, but particularly important for an 18 year old who is going to be presented with many scenarios for the first time.

January 6, 2023

Everybody is allowed to call themselves what they want. It’s only relevant when they interact with someone else. Then it’s up to the sub/bottom to make sure they asked the right questions and stay safe. Yes 18 is young but you have to realise this generation confront kinky world younger and younger. You will be surprised how many already experienced it.
Dominance come in many shape and form, it doesn’t mean necessarily what you would want or your kind of They might also want to be a Dom with a sub at the same level of experience. I can’t see a 40/50 years old sub wanted to be into a Ds with him…
I wish I started when I was 18!

January 6, 2023

44 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

This is another of those posts that is written in a gender bias form but in reality it applies to the role not the gender.

  Can a Dominant call themselves a Dominant when they have little to no experience? Yes they can!
Because that is the role they have chosen for themselves. But what they shouldn’t do, is claim to have experience that they don’t have.

A Dominant doesn’t need to know the in’s and outs of their submissive’s body to take control as dominance is not about being sexual. It can involve sexual practices, but being a Dominant is not about sex itself.

But who’s to say that they don’t know enough about the psyche? They’ve had 18 years of experience of interacting with other people. They know right from wrong, and they know what will and won’t cause harm based on the experiences they’ve had. Again what they shouldn’t do, is claim to have experience that they don’t have.

It’s not about age.
We all had to start somewhere and I’ve met 18 year olds with far more self control, integrity and willingness to learn than some 30 year olds. I’ve also met some 19 and 20 year olds with more lifestyle experience than some people in their 40’s and 50’s who have just found their kinky side.

Now - had you asked me “can an 18YO call themselves a ‘Master’? Then, depending on whether they were talking D/s or M/s, my response might be different. But IMO, calling themselves a Dominant at 18 is absolutely fine as long as they act like a Dominant and not a domineering idiot!

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Amen to this... nail meet head.

January 6, 2023

26 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Where's the indication/evidence that the individual the OP's speaking about is not a Dom?

I'm neither a Top nor a bottom and I'm not attempting to "flame" you, but honestly, what does a label matter? We all get twisted about what "role" we are when really, it truly doesn't matter. All that matters is understanding our individual likes/limits and finding someone who's compatible.

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My point exactly!

January 6, 2023

Hi, I myself am 19 and identify myself as a Dom, personally I would never profess to be the best Dom with the most experience because that’s clearly not the case, I’m open to criticism and learning. To me its a state of mind and being, not something you choose, and I’ve experienced a lot of disbelief and scepticism as to my position within this lifestyle, however I have also proven myself to many that are more open minded what a good Dom I can become with a little more help and experience, I may be 19 but I have done a lot of research around subjects I am interested in and am part of a mentorship with both a Dom and a sub enabling me to learn from both perspectives. I understand the skepicism, however I truly believe the real factor is maturity and life experience as opposed to age

January 6, 2023

An 18 year old with 2 months experience within the lifestyle is just the same as a 30 or 40 year old with 2 months experience within the lifestyle. Use what ever label you want, thats on you but your actions will give you away far sooner than your words ever will.

January 6, 2023

Okay, I'm going to share my personal experience. I genuinely am a little foggy and can't remember whether the first time I attended a kink/fetish night was when I was 18 or just turned 19, but I think for the purposes of your question and how it relates to age and inexperience it doesn't matter.

I had zero experience. Not even as regards the realms of BDSM - I'd never dated, was a virgin, had no idea what to expect when I attended that first evening.

As it happened I did play with somebody that night, my friend who had taken/invited me. I was dominant, they were submissive. I enjoyed it. I explored some of being on both sides of the slash over the subsequent few years, so it is appropriate to say that I switched. If I hadn't, if my play had continued to be solely as a dominant partner, then it would have been appropriate to say that I was a Dom. It would have been inaccurate to say I wasn't.

That doesn't mean I'd have been a "good" Dom, a necessarily safe Dom or that I knew what I was doing at all - I absolutely didn't at first and was cringingly naïve about so much, but that isn't what's being asked here.

So I don't think at that age I would have known enough if I had dabbled in heavier play - but at the same time, that is probably a reason why I would not have attempted to either.

The same can't be said for everybody though. I've seen enough to know that there are plenty of young Dom/mes who have the knowledge to practice what they know safely, particularly with the learning resources available nowadays. It's often the more seasoned among us (who should be role-models) which are actually the most dangerous.

January 6, 2023

I think the difgicukty hete us that there aren't other ways to express it. It would get very complicated if we had 'aspiring Dom', 'Dom', 'Champion Dom' etc.
Chosing a discriptor is mereky a ponter in the directiinnif ones preferences. Only conversatiin will reveal how, accurate or not it is.

January 6, 2023

that's like wanting companies wanting to hire people with experience and no-one wanting to give new generations that actual experience xD
Of course they're a dom! That's their interest. Amount of experience is not included. If you want someone with a lot of experience, ask for that, but don't drag an 18 year old down. Be better

January 6, 2023

There is such a thing as an inexperienced Dom

January 6, 2023

The answer seems obvious to me lol but I suppose it's meant to make you think, more rhetorical than a literal question. I should hope, anyway.

January 6, 2023

It would depend on the individual. Everyone has to start somewhere but also some of us mature faster than others and learn in different ways. I know that by the time I was 18, i was already very aware of the dynamics that happen during play and how it appeals to both parties. Personally I have always been very observant and cautious with people especially if i can cause harm, whereas a Dom friend of mine just went at it his first time and didn't take into account the potential of hurting someone. So again, depends on the person, their maturity, and what and how they have experienced things

January 6, 2023

1 hour ago, MasterMoksi said:

The whole role definitions are broken.
I tryed several times to bring it up talking about roles and titles. But then all The Tops and bottoms come out to flame.

These days if you like to spank they call themselves Dom instead of Top.
If a totally not submissive not obedience one that like to get spanked or fucked rough they call themselves sub instead of bottom.

Lifestyle and kinky sex is getting mixed up.

And if you want to talk about it. Our come those exact people with masses saying "we can fill in BDSM and do whatever we like"

Yes sure.
But don't call a taco a pizza.

Expand

You know what - I agree with you, in principal, but there are lots of caveats to my agreement and that's a completely separate discussion. Why not post a thread? because it's certainly a debate to be had, and I do love a good debate.

January 6, 2023

42 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Okay, I'm going to share my personal experience. I genuinely am a little foggy and can't remember whether the first time I attended a kink/fetish night was when I was 18 or just turned 19, but I think for the purposes of your question and how it relates to age and inexperience it doesn't matter.

I had zero experience. Not even as regards the realms of BDSM - I'd never dated, was a virgin, had no idea what to expect when I attended that first evening.

As it happened I did play with somebody that night, my friend who had taken/invited me. I was dominant, they were submissive. I enjoyed it. I explored some of being on both sides of the slash over the subsequent few years, so it is appropriate to say that I switched. If I hadn't, if my play had continued to be solely as a dominant partner, then it would have been appropriate to say that I was a Dom. It would have been inaccurate to say I wasn't.

That doesn't mean I'd have been a "good" Dom, a necessarily safe Dom or that I knew what I was doing at all - I absolutely didn't at first and was cringingly naïve about so much, but that isn't what's being asked here.

So I don't think at that age I would have known enough if I had dabbled in heavier play - but at the same time, that is probably a reason why I would not have attempted to either.

The same can't be said for everybody though. I've seen enough to know that there are plenty of young Dom/mes who have the knowledge to practice what they know safely, particularly with the learning resources available nowadays. It's often the more seasoned among us (who should be role-models) which are actually the most dangerous.

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Well said! The role of Dominant (or submissive for that matter) is an indication of preference, not ability.

January 6, 2023

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Where's the indication/evidence that the individual the OP's speaking about is not a Dom?

I'm neither a Top nor a bottom and I'm not attempting to "flame" you, but honestly, what does a label matter? We all get twisted about what "role" we are when really, it truly doesn't matter. All that matters is understanding our individual likes/limits and finding someone who's compatible.

Expand

If I need a bakker I and a cook calls himself a bakker it's not what I seek.

If I order carbonara I don't like much room sauce because they like it that way.

You feel personally offended as I predicted in the original post.
I'm not saying you can't be what you want to be or do what you wanna do.

But what you call "labels" I call language definitions.

Again

If I look for a strawberry pie I don't want to receive a raspberry pie.

A Dom is different then a Top
Not all bdsm is about sex acts.

January 6, 2023

2 hours ago, MasterMoksi said:

The whole role definitions are broken.
I tryed several times to bring it up talking about roles and titles. But then all The Tops and bottoms come out to flame.

These days if you like to spank they call themselves Dom instead of Top.
If a totally not submissive not obedience one that like to get spanked or fucked rough they call themselves sub instead of bottom.

Lifestyle and kinky sex is getting mixed up.

And if you want to talk about it. Our come those exact people with masses saying "we can fill in BDSM and do whatever we like"

Yes sure.
But don't call a taco a pizza.

Expand

Tops and bottoms can fit in BDSM. Tops can be Sadists or Riggers etc so those fits in BDSM too.

January 6, 2023

On the flipside - If someone is 18 and considers themself a Submissive, do you think they've gained enough experience to understand the responsibilities and intricacies it entails? Have they learned the ins and outs of their body and their Dom's psyche to know how to control the tipping point pleasurable *** becomes lasting harm, and how to prevent that from happening?

My opinion (and thats all it is, not advice) It's a label, not a measure. Experience itself isn't quantifiable. Its subjective as hell, one Dom/mes perfect spanking technique on one sub could be horrible for another. Eagerness t learn would be my personal 'green flag' (if theres such a thing?) And that would go for ANY role/archetype/label (insert your preference) that enjoys kinky play.