CubanoDomino Posted March 24, 2023 Posted March 24, 2023 I've been exploring Dominance, and have managed to find myself in an extremely Dominant headspace several times. At parties, I have managed to put room fulls of submissives into subspace, and have even had subs approach me, declaring that they've heard that I was extremely Dominant, asking for experiences. What I have only just begun to realize though, is that I can't seem to manage to get into that headspace until I have knocked back enough bourbon to completely eliminate my inhibitions. Once that happens, Daddy wakes up and takes control. I suffer from anxiety and refuse to take meds, but have discovered that alcohol seems to do the trick just fine. However, I have found myself in positions where I needed to get into that headspace, but it would be less than ideal for me to consume enough alcohol to get me there, and therefore, was unable to accomplish that. Any suggestions from anyone with experience like this? Thank you.
CopperKnob Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Well, I can't say I have experience of putting "room fulls of submissives" into subspace but, just like the anxiety meds you don't want to take, alcohol is a drug. You don't say how you've managed to put "room fulls of submissives" into subspace but I'll hazard a guess that it wasn't simply your presence (because that would he a silly thing to claim). What I would say is, whilst alcohol clearly disinhibits behaviour, it also slows down brain function. Your response times are slower as a result. Neither are good when "playing", it would put both you and the "room fulls of submissives" at risk and I'd hazard another guess that your reputation as "extremely dominant" would be lost rather quickly My advice would be to seek an alternative way of managing your anxiety.
Du**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Alcohol and kink/BDSM dont really mix, it can lead to very unsafe situations
ge**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Another one for the alcohol and safe play don't mix vote here - whilst a "nerve calmer" might be OK, to the extent it sounds like you need to drink OP, it's definitely not OK. . Whilst your inhibitions may be lowered, so will your senses, and that may lead to any number of risky situations that you really don't want to get yourself into. . If you're not prepared to take medication to deal with your anxiety, then I'm really not sure what the answer is, but it's definitely not alcohol!!
No**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Antother vote for not playing under influence of any substance (I even have it in my hard limits). Medication is one thing, but if you need any type of *** to remove inhibitions, i would strongly advice to start looking into what is causing these inhibitions and working on that instead of drinking and playing. "Enough bourbon to completely eliminate inhibitions" sounds like and accident waiting to happen to be honest. How will you deal with an emergency? A bad rope tie that needs to be removed right now? Read very subtle body language queues? Do the work on your anxiety man, you can only win by fixing it in both BDSM as in life.
Deleted Member Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 Oh boy. Mate go for an AA meeting if you want to know where does that leads to. Drogs and bdsm never mix well. Alcohol turns off your frontal cortex which is responsible for self control expecially in social interactions. If you have anxiety or you are nervous I would reccomend thereapy to figure out the roots of your problem, then when you get to that point to talk about it whit confidence and ease you can switch to an active method and do some kinky stuff but with small stepps. I hope you can get better.
Julesz Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 I Agree with all the other comments. It's extremely unsafe and damaging to those who you are subjecting yourself to. It's not about just you but all involved. Try to sort it out and have a healthy relationship and respect those whom are submitting to you.
Cu**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 So your dominance doesn’t appear until you’re drunk. The rest of the time you’re just an ordinary bloke. Your description near the end, makes me wonder what you mean by dominance, as you say that you have found yourself in a position where you needed to get into that headspace, but less than ideal for you to consume enough to get you there. Reading between the lines, one interpretation of that, suggests that by consuming too much alcohol, you’ve realised that it prevents you from “performing sexually”, known in UK as “brewer’s droop”. So you know the answer from what everyone else has said. Stop drinking alcohol. Stop being a martyr to your meds, that presumable you’ve been prescribed by a medic (you know, someone qualified to know what will reduce your anxiety levels) and develop your dominance by controlling yourself properly. Your anxiety might well be from something within your life that worried you. Take a long hard look at the ‘real’ you, in the cold light of day, and deal with the issues that will then remove the anxiety. That way you can be the dominant that you want to be, as and when you want to be, without relying on the booze. The subs that you have crawling at your feet, must be crazy to subject themselves to an out of control, drunken individual, or is that just a statement to inflate your own ego, to make you look big? Everyone here has sounded the alarm bells at you. People with experience, people who conduct themselves safely, being risk aware, safe, sane and consensual. You have a responsibility to both yourself, and any others with whom you perform. So what are you going to do to make yourself safe? Because under your current self proclaimed headspace, I can’t be more blunt than to say you’re not only dangerous to yourself, but a future misjudgement is going to land you in a court of law. And no amounts of alcohol can cloud your lifelong misery after that. You, are responsible for your behaviour. Get hold of your own control. Doing nothing, isn’t an option.
CubanoDomino Posted March 25, 2023 Author Posted March 25, 2023 Thank you all for your responses. I agree with everyone here, which is exactly why I am here looking for alternative solutions. I would very much prefer to find a way to unlock this state of mind without ***, including alcohol. The experiences I've had, have mostly been in swinger hotel parties or orgies, which is where I discovered this. I walk around with a flogger and simply bring an extremely Dominant energy with it. In the presence of submissives, I manage to go into a trance. Once I'm there, it's been quite easy to pull them in with me. It works well. It's very real. I'm hoping to find it without relying on alcohol. Having said that, I've had full blown panic attacks in these situations before the bourbon kicked in...and then the anxiety just vanishes. Mind you, I am not three sheets to the wind drunk, but certainly not within legal driving limits. I'm a social drinker. I do drink responsibly, so in situations where I will need to drive, I still participate, go through the motions and have fun, but that truly Dominant, trancelike state of mind doesn't fully materialize. At least, it hasn't yet. So...solutions. Meditation? Therapy? Hypnotism? People who suffer from anxiety, what has worked for you?
Cu**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 It gets worse. Drunk, aggressive, in a trance, wandering round with a flogger in your hand, lashing out at anything and anybody, no permission to do so, no idea which part of an anatomy you’re hitting/damaging. Far from flocking to your feet, most people at the parties should be running a mile. I’m surprised you haven’t been blacklisted, suspended from attending such events, slung out and reported to the police for your behaviour. You have to sort yourself out. Advice has already been offered. Take the route to your nearest medical professional, so that you can be referred to a psychologist and listen to what they say. You appear to be totally set against seeking such sensible advice. Only you can deal with the route causes, and you need a road map from a highly trained individual, so that you can snap out of this dangerous behaviour. Stop ignoring what, to everyone else, is obvious. Look at yourself. Your behaviour is not normal.
CopperKnob Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 19 minutes ago, CubanoDomino said: Thank you all for your responses. I agree with everyone here, which is exactly why I am here looking for alternative solutions. I would very much prefer to find a way to unlock this state of mind without ***, including alcohol. The experiences I've had, have mostly been in swinger hotel parties or orgies, which is where I discovered this. I walk around with a flogger and simply bring an extremely Dominant energy with it. In the presence of submissives, I manage to go into a trance. Once I'm there, it's been quite easy to pull them in with me. It works well. It's very real. I'm hoping to find it without relying on alcohol. Having said that, I've had full blown panic attacks in these situations before the bourbon kicked in...and then the anxiety just vanishes. Mind you, I am not three sheets to the wind drunk, but certainly not within legal driving limits. I'm a social drinker. I do drink responsibly, so in situations where I will need to drive, I still participate, go through the motions and have fun, but that truly Dominant, trancelike state of mind doesn't fully materialize. At least, it hasn't yet. So...solutions. Meditation? Therapy? Hypnotism? People who suffer from anxiety, what has worked for you? Whilst there may be some mental health professionals here, no one is in a position to provide you any further advice, specific to you, than has already been given and if they do, they'd be breaching their registration . 1. Stop going to parties 2. If you choose to go, remain sober 3. Recognise that it's highly unlikely that you've put rooms full of submissives into subspace. That's alcohol altering your perception 4. Go straight to a local mental health service and ask for help, being honest with them
Se**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 16 minutes ago, CubanoDomino said: Thank you all for your responses. I agree with everyone here, which is exactly why I am here looking for alternative solutions. I would very much prefer to find a way to unlock this state of mind without ***, including alcohol. The experiences I've had, have mostly been in swinger hotel parties or orgies, which is where I discovered this. I walk around with a flogger and simply bring an extremely Dominant energy with it. In the presence of submissives, I manage to go into a trance. Once I'm there, it's been quite easy to pull them in with me. It works well. It's very real. I'm hoping to find it without relying on alcohol. Having said that, I've had full blown panic attacks in these situations before the bourbon kicked in...and then the anxiety just vanishes. Mind you, I am not three sheets to the wind drunk, but certainly not within legal driving limits. I'm a social drinker. I do drink responsibly, so in situations where I will need to drive, I still participate, go through the motions and have fun, but that truly Dominant, trancelike state of mind doesn't fully materialize. At least, it hasn't yet. So...solutions. Meditation? Therapy? Hypnotism? People who suffer from anxiety, what has worked for you? Solutions?!?! I’m not convinced you want solutions, it sounds more like you want an outside perspective to confirm that what you are doing is ok. You won’t find that here - what you’re doing is wrong and unsafe. What you will find here is a wonderful group of people with many, many years of experience who will offer you advice - but they will not condone unsafe behaviour. As someone who “suffers” (and I despise that word btw) from anxiety and depression I can tell you what will work and what won’t however if you’re not prepared to take the advice it seems pointless. What works: listening to professionals, medical or otherwise, trained in dealing with these illnesses. What doesn’t work: alcohol, other illicit substances, hedonism and ignoring the problem. You are currently masking your own issues by drinking to forget them. Not only are you unsafe in and of yourself but I would question whether the subs you “put into subspace” are aware how far under the influence you are? If they are not then you aren’t giving them the option to give informed consent to play with you and irrespective of your own boundaries that is simply not ok. I personally wouldn’t play with someone under the influence enough to change their behaviour and I don’t think it’s fair you putting others in a dangerous position. I also believe, but I could be wrong, that many events/clubs etc have a drink limit and will not allow you to play if that is exceeded. Please stay away from play and increasing the risk to yourself and others and get professional help. (sorry if that sounds harsh).
Deleted Member Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 (edited) I have very severe anxiety. It can get so bad, I can suffer from sharp headaches or blank out. I would love to give you an easy way, but it's hard work. You have to be dedicated, and it's forever. This is my life... did about 2 decades of therapies, meds, diet for anxiety, exercise, meditation, and alot of inner work of the good, bad and ugly of yourself. You can't pick and choose one. It is the combinations of all. The one thing I can recommend is spend *** on yoga classes. You exercise, and learn to meditate. Don't do the online or at home. You need an instructor to make sure you are in correct form, and without correct form leads to ***. Being a guy (Not Me), you will be mostly surrounded by women... 50% only wear skimpy clothing... nice neighborhoods. Edited March 25, 2023 by Deleted Member Misspellings
Du**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 (edited) I am sorry to say but you use terms as extremely Dominant and truly Dominant... but someone who can not controle him/herself will never really be able to controle others, what you are pretending to be is not safe for the people around you and anyone with a bit of experience in the lifestyle would be able to see that... owning a flogger does NOT make you a Dom. You will have to focus on taking your meds or getting therapy to get your anxiety under controle so you can achieve a stable mental position.. once you achieved that then think to yourself am i stable enough to get back to exploring my kinks.. Someone who is "extremely Dominant" or "truly Dominant" as you call it are labelled as Alpha Dominant and they get born like that they are like that 100% of the time and do not suffer from anxiety in any of those situations you described. Edited March 25, 2023 by Dutch013
Deleted Member Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 10 minutes ago, Dutch013 said: They get born like that they are like that 100% of the time and do not suffer from anxiety in any of those situations you described. Sorry, but that's not accurate. This is from a woman who grew up with mostly men, males friends and mostly know men. My life is basically men.🤷♀️
Du**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 3 minutes ago, seonny said: Sorry, but that's not accurate. This is from a woman who grew up with mostly men, males friends and mostly know men. My life is basically men.🤷♀️ Thats your opinion you are entitled to it, but from a psychological point of vieuw what i posted is true... being Alpha Dominant is psychology not BDSM
Deleted Member Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Dutch013 said: Thats your opinion you are entitled to it, but from a psychological point of vieuw what i posted is true... being Alpha Dominant is psychology not BDSM Anxiety is a form of emotions. This is psychology. If you don't have any, then it's not normal. I dated the 17 to 25% Alpha Dominants, and they are not going to show anyone they 1000% do not trust the slightest emotions. Edited March 25, 2023 by Deleted Member Wrong calculation of $$$€€€£££
CubanoDomino Posted March 25, 2023 Author Posted March 25, 2023 33 minutes ago, CumbriaLeather said: It gets worse. Drunk, aggressive, in a trance, wandering round with a flogger in your hand, lashing out at anything and anybody, no permission to do so, no idea which part of an anatomy you’re hitting/damaging. Far from flocking to your feet, most people at the parties should be running a mile. I’m surprised you haven’t been blacklisted, suspended from attending such events, slung out and reported to the police for your behaviour. lol calm down. That is quite the overactive imagination you have there. That goes for most of you as well. It is amusing to read however. I've remained well within safe, sane and consensual boundaries and limits. At no point did I ever imply that I was drunk beyond the point of control. Legal to drive? Probably not. Drunk enough to eliminate the anxiety, yes. Perhaps go back and read it again without the melodramatic assumptions? Again, I'm here looking for advice to participate in this activity without the alcohol. You can continue to assume that I am an out of control, raging alcoholic, and I will continue to be amused by your overly dramatic comments and assumptions. Some of you seem quite bothered by the "Room full of submissives" comment as well. That was one experience, it was a revolving door of guests and the flogger became the central focus of the room. They lined up, one after the other, eager to be the next, and yes, a few of them slipped into subspace...or so I assume, judging by the look in their eyes when I was done, and the DMs the next day thanking me for making them float for hours after.. My only point was, the trance is real, and I'd rather find it without the alcohol. Thank you for coming to my TED talk, you may resume the abusive comments now. I assure you I can handle them, and am quite amused.
Du**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 2 minutes ago, seonny said: Anxiety is a form of emotions. This is psychology. If you don't have any, then it's not normal. I dated the 10% Alpha Dominants, and they are not going to show anyone they 1000% do not trust the slightest emotions. I think you are misunderstanding what i am saying, i never said they dont have emotions... i said they do not feel anxiety in any of the situations that got described by the person that created this topic. Feel free to contact me directly if you want to discuss it further or have any questions that way the reactions can stay on topic. And ofcourse you are entitled to see it differently, have a wonderful day.
Cu**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 I can’t think why, you’re amused. You asked a serious question. People told you that alcohol consumption is totally unforgivable on your part. Go and research what bdsm groups say about alcohol and ***. If you have to drink, to get into a state that you feel dominant, then it’s not dominance that you’re experiencing. It’s, abusive, coercive, bullying. Where did you read that that was acceptable? You’re descriptions show that you are out of control, and you suggest that that’s an overactive imagination? You wrote about your situation. You wrote the words. Everyone read it. You ask for advice, but you don’t like it. What you seem to be wanting is acceptance of what you’ve done. You’re wanting any kind of alternative way to overcome your anxiety, other than the reality of what would really help. Look at all the replies. Why did you ask in the first place, if you can’t accept that your unhealthy “Trance”, is a direct indication of being out of control and that, in any walk of life, is the sign of, and will be interpreted by the law, as that of an ***r? Your actions whilst in a “trance” are unreasonable. How can you make decisions if you are outside of yourself? Just because you have a flogger in your hand, doesn’t make you a dominant. And now we have the truth about the story of you at parties, making rooms full of subs go into sub space. It happened once, by your latest admission. So you wielded a flogger, half off your head, not knowing where you were hitting, and your proud of your achievement. Take it seriously. This is not amusing, nor funny. Get real.
CubanoDomino Posted March 25, 2023 Author Posted March 25, 2023 1 hour ago, seonny said: I have very severe anxiety. It can get so bad, I can suffer from sharp headaches or blank out. I would love to give you an easy way, but it's hard work. You have to be dedicated, and it's forever. This is my life... did about 2 decades of therapies, meds, diet for anxiety, exercise, meditation, and alot of inner work of the good, bad and ugly of yourself. You can't pick and choose one. It is the combinations of all. The one thing I can recommend is spend *** on yoga classes. You exercise, and learn to meditate. Don't do the online or at home. You need an instructor to make sure you are in correct form, and without correct form leads to ***. Being a guy (Not Me), you will be mostly surrounded by women... 50% only wear skimpy clothing... nice neighborhoods. Thank you for the judgment free advice, I will certainly look into yoga. It's not something I have tried before. Anxiety is absolutely the root of my issue here. I've done quite a lot of work on myself over the past 4 years. Going to the gym, mastering my nutrition, working on my mind to overcome anxiety and gain confidence. Having a few drinks while in social settings has helped a LOT, and honestly, I've gotten much better at limiting the amount I need to consume before I feel in my element. My goal is to be able to access this state of mind without the booze. CBD, and experience has helped quite a lot here as well, I will definitely look into the yoga.
Cu**** Posted March 25, 2023 Posted March 25, 2023 But you won’t look in to taking the most direct action, of seeking professional mental health advice.
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