Domspace only when I'm drunk

[Deleted Member]

I agree with CumbriaLeather, even no meds, you should see a therapist. Again, did close to 20 years of therapy. 

[Se****]

2 hours ago, CubanoDomino said:

lol calm down. That is quite the overactive imagination you have there. That goes for most of you as well. It is amusing to read however.

I've remained well within safe, sane and consensual boundaries and limits. At no point did I ever imply that I was drunk beyond the point of control. Legal to drive? Probably not. Drunk enough to eliminate the anxiety, yes. Perhaps go back and read it again without the melodramatic assumptions?

Again, I'm here looking for advice to participate in this activity without the alcohol. You can continue to assume that I am an out of control, raging alcoholic, and I will continue to be amused by your overly dramatic comments and assumptions.

Some of you seem quite bothered by the "Room full of submissives" comment as well. That was one experience, it was a revolving door of guests and the flogger became the central focus of the room. They lined up, one after the other, eager to be the next, and yes, a few of them slipped into subspace...or so I assume, judging by the look in their eyes when I was done, and the DMs the next day thanking me for making them float for hours after.. My only point was, the trance is real, and I'd rather find it without the alcohol.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, you may resume the abusive comments now. I assure you I can handle them, and am quite amused. 

Very simply, a person in a Dominant role needs to have full acceptance of who he is but (and more importantly) he needs to be in full control of himself, his emotions, his surroundings and his limitations (please feel free to substitute he/his for your preferred pronoun). He also needs to be able to read the submissive he is playing with without any hindrance. 

It is simply not possible to do these things under the influence of alcohol. 

Alcohol numbs feelings, it slows reaction times, you brain does not function the same way it does when you’re sober and (again I mentioned this previously) many, many people do NOT want to play with someone under the influence because they know how dangerous it is and want to stay safe (again do the people you play with know what you’ve drunk to get to your dominant state?). Ergo, drinking and dominance do not mix and do not support any “model” one might choose to follow when playing (SSC, RACK, FRIES). Not being safe to drive ABSOLUTELY means you are NOT SAFE to play - there is a reason for limited alcohol consumption before getting behind the wheel. 

I don’t think anyone EVER suggested or assumed that you are an “out of control, raging alcoholic”. But you asked for our advice and we are giving it to you. Whether on not you choose to listen is entirely up to you. 

The answer is as easy or as hard as you make it:

stop “playing” under the influence. 
ask for and accept professional help. 
work on feeling your dominant emotions without the need for anything to take the edge off. 

This is genuinely said with care and the hope that you will listen. 

And again, I do have anxiety it’s a horrid illness. I also love a good drink and yes, I have intercourse whilst drunk (my choice and the person always knows I’ve been drinking) but would I play under the influence - not a chance. I wouldn’t trust what I was feeling and I wouldn’t trust that something wouldn’t go too far. 

[ge****]

3 hours ago, CubanoDomino said:

lol calm down. That is quite the overactive imagination you have there. That goes for most of you as well. It is amusing to read however.

I've remained well within safe, sane and consensual boundaries and limits. At no point did I ever imply that I was drunk beyond the point of control. Legal to drive? Probably not. Drunk enough to eliminate the anxiety, yes. Perhaps go back and read it again without the melodramatic assumptions?

Again, I'm here looking for advice to participate in this activity without the alcohol. You can continue to assume that I am an out of control, raging alcoholic, and I will continue to be amused by your overly dramatic comments and assumptions.

Some of you seem quite bothered by the "Room full of submissives" comment as well. That was one experience, it was a revolving door of guests and the flogger became the central focus of the room. They lined up, one after the other, eager to be the next, and yes, a few of them slipped into subspace...or so I assume, judging by the look in their eyes when I was done, and the DMs the next day thanking me for making them float for hours after.. My only point was, the trance is real, and I'd rather find it without the alcohol.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, you may resume the abusive comments now. I assure you I can handle them, and am quite amused. 

And you accuse others of over dramatising?! 🙄
.
Simply put people have reacted to *your* words and *your* descriptions - if you've not phrased them clearly or correctly then the onus is on you to have done so in the first place.
.
No-one has suggested you're a raging alcoholic either - however by your own admission you drink enough not to be safe to control a car - to turn that around a little if you're not safe to control a car, you acknowledge that your judgement and reaction times are significantly enough reduced for it not be right to get behind the wheel? Now substitute car for submissive - see where people are coming from? Especially when you use words like "trance" to describe yourself when you feel sufficiently empowered.
.
And I *know* you came looking for alternatives to alcohol and that is absolutely the right thing to be doing - however most of the alternatives that people have suggested you've blithely ignored.

[Cu****]

trance. noun. ˈtran(t)s. : a sleeplike altered state of consciousness (as of deep hypnosis) usually characterized by partly suspended animation with diminished or absent sensory and motor activity and subsequent lack of recall. : a state of profound abstraction or absorption.
 

You used trance, and the above dictionary definition is what’s caused all this “noise”. Turn the tables, and in the cold light of day would you like to consider yourself as a sub being at the hands of a dominant, who professed to be in a trance? How on earth can’t you see that that’s dangerous? Of course, you wouldn’t/don’t tell them that you’re drunk or in a trance, would you/do you? 
 

Dominance isn’t something that you switch on and off either.  It’s already there, but self controlled. 

[Leisa]

It is beyond irresponsible to engage while under the influence of anything. A Dom needs to keep his head clear at all times so he can be aware of the sub and what the sun is feeling and needs.

[CopperKnob]

My previous comment was an attempt at tact/giving the benefit of the doubt but that clearly didn't work so, let's be honest. It's a couples profile with no interaction on the females part. In fact, no interaction in the 2yrs since it's creation other than this and one other post.
I'll go further, it's highly unlkely that the individuals at said parties were in fact submissives let alone bottoms, or that whole room fulls found their way to subspace whilst playing with this guy, more that these were actually swingers parties. Where individuals got excited with the novelty of a guy running amok with a flogger. It appears that the OP has delusions of grandeur. Not only from this post but also the previous one.
If they were kink parties, shame on the organiser/s for allowing individuals to play whilst ***.
.
OP, shame on you also. It appears that in the 2yrs of your time exploring kink (indicated by your first post at least here on Fet) that you've learnt nothing in relation to consent, communication, SCC, RACK or indeed D/s. More to the point, shame on you for your behaviour not only at these parties but for your responses here. You show no sign of accountability or control, two of the main characteristics many submissives/bottoms look for in either a Top or a Dom.
You are not a safe play partner/Dominant. People perusimg your profile and seeing your comments will recognise this and i hope will steer clear.
It appears that you have much work to do on yourself if you wish to continue in this arena. As before, continue as you are and you will cause harm, to yourself, others and your reputation.

[ge****]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

My previous comment was an attempt at tact/giving the benefit of the doubt but that clearly didn't work so, let's be honest. It's a couples profile with no interaction on the females part. In fact, no interaction in the 2yrs since it's creation other than this and one other post.
I'll go further, it's highly unlkely that the individuals at said parties were in fact submissives let alone bottoms, or that whole room fulls found their way to subspace whilst playing with this guy, more that these were actually swingers parties. Where individuals got excited with the novelty of a guy running amok with a flogger. It appears that the OP has delusions of grandeur. Not only from this post but also the previous one.
If they were kink parties, shame on the organiser/s for allowing individuals to play whilst ***.
.
OP, shame on you also. It appears that in the 2yrs of your time exploring kink (indicated by your first post at least here on Fet) that you've learnt nothing in relation to consent, communication, SCC, RACK or indeed D/s. More to the point, shame on you for your behaviour not only at these parties but for your responses here. You show no sign of accountability or control, two of the main characteristics many submissives/bottoms look for in either a Top or a Dom.
You are not a safe play partner/Dominant. People perusimg your profile and seeing your comments will recognise this and i hope will steer clear.
It appears that you have much work to do on yourself if you wish to continue in this arena. As before, continue as you are and you will cause harm, to yourself, others and your reputation.

Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[CopperKnob]

18 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Bravo 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

At what point does someone in their 40's stop acting like a child and take responsibility for their actions and accept advice from others?
I mean, yoga's great but in terms of removing a reliance upon alcohol to build confidence/reduce anxiety?
I'll tell you what, for nothing other than science, seeing as the prison have banned any purchases of fruit, I'll be sure do do a yoga session with the guys when I'm there in a couple of weeks, a little experiment if you will. I bet, a few sessions each week will prevent any riots and for once no one will be on an acct 👍🏻

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

At what point does someone in their 40's stop acting like a child and take responsibility for their actions and accept advice from others?
I mean, yoga's great but in terms of removing a reliance upon alcohol to build confidence/reduce anxiety?
I'll tell you what, for nothing other than science, seeing as the prison have banned any purchases of fruit, I'll be sure do do a yoga session with the guys when I'm there in a couple of weeks, a little experiment if you will. I bet, a few sessions each week will prevent any riots and for once no one will be on an acct 👍🏻

Don't make fun of yoga... I am a yoga head. Peace....🙏😅😘

[ge****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

At what point does someone in their 40's stop acting like a child and take responsibility for their actions and accept advice from others?
I mean, yoga's great but in terms of removing a reliance upon alcohol to build confidence/reduce anxiety?
I'll tell you what, for nothing other than science, seeing as the prison have banned any purchases of fruit, I'll be sure do do a yoga session with the guys when I'm there in a couple of weeks, a little experiment if you will. I bet, a few sessions each week will prevent any riots and for once no one will be on an acct 👍🏻

It astounds me how many 40+ year olds have no clue when it comes to sites like this and how to approach them, ask for advice and then argue the toss when they're given it.
.
To be honest, my first instinct to the OP was that it was a classic fantasist "look at me" post and I'm not entirely sure that opinion has changed, even though I've tried to overlook it and provide constructive feedback.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, seonny said:

Don't make fun of yoga... I am a yoga head. Peace....🙏😅😘

Not at all, I'll do some bow and again. It's the OP's idea that yoga alone is their answer

[CopperKnob]

36 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

It astounds me how many 40+ year olds have no clue when it comes to sites like this and how to approach them, ask for advice and then argue the toss when they're given it.
.
To be honest, my first instinct to the OP was that it was a classic fantasist "look at me" post and I'm not entirely sure that opinion has changed, even though I've tried to overlook it and provide constructive feedback.

Absolutely my first thought

[ge****]

38 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Absolutely my first thought

Currently I'm drunk - and also am well aware of how that has ill informed decisions at times - would I enter into a D/s situation? Debatable - regardless I know every time alcohol had influenced my decisions I've regretted it

[Deleted Member]

If what OP wrote was real. I have to say FatefulDestiny was on point...

"I’m not convinced you want solutions, it sounds more like you want an outside perspective to confirm that what you are doing is ok. You won’t find that here - what you’re doing is wrong and unsafe."

[Se****]

23 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Currently I'm drunk - and also am well aware of how that has ill informed decisions at times - would I enter into a D/s situation? Debatable - regardless I know every time alcohol had influenced my decisions I've regretted it

I also am drunk. Party time????

[Ob****]

I’m a newbie and I’ve been following this thread with interest, and it’s really reassuring to know there are so many responsible kinksters out there! ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Holy shit

[CubanoDomino]

There's a lot to digest here, so I'll do my best to address what I can.

Again, thank you all for your feedback and insight. I assure you, your interpretation of what is actually happening here is grossly inaccurate...based on the response I have received that is.

So, I will make an attempt to ***t a more detailed and accurate picture. I will do my best to summarize it. Fair warning, I can be a bit wordy, so gather 'round ***, here's the long-winded version.

Once upon a time, roughly two or so years ago, my wife and I decided to "spice up our sex life" a bit. We bought a flogger and tried it out. It was fun. We of course had no idea of what we were doing, but we had fun with it nonetheless. After watching several videos on how to properly flog, we continued to incorporate it whenever we had the opportunity to do so, having *** in the house made that aspect of it a bit more challenging.

Eventually, we decided to explore swinging, and attended our first swinger party. It was amazing! I definitely drank way too much in the beginning of the evening out of panic, but that eventually tapered off as the evening wore on. We brought the flogger, just in case someone was interested in trying it, and we were happy to use it for ourselves as well. We met a woman who was more than enthusiastic about being flogged during our first threesome...and so I did. It was fun. Mildly kinky at best, it certainly wasn't my best work.

We continued to meet our new lady friend, and always took the opportunity to use the flogger every time we did. The element of Dominance wasn't quite there yet. It wasn't refined anyway. It was always just sexy, kinky fun. My flogging technique however, was improving the more I had a chance to use it. Safewords were always provided.

We also continued to attend parties every few months, while simultaneously learning my limits for alcohol in those parties. Getting sloppy drunk did nobody any favors. It is easy to go too far in that environment however, as there are jello shots in virtually every open room there. These days, I avoid the shots entirely. I do still have a nice double Basil Hayden on the rocks to start the evening and help take the edge off, followed by another single pour, which generally pushes me into the comfort zone...and probably not quite legal to drive zone as well. It is quite effective at eliminating the anxiety however, something I am eager to overcome without the alcohol.

Throughout this time, I have also taken the time to study more about Dominance and BDSM. I am not particularly active in online forums, however I have consumed countless hours of content, and paid extra close attention to subjects involving being a better Dominant. Evie Lupine has been an invaluable inspiration. I had also been studying seduction. Not "manipulation" mind you, but confidence, charm, behavior, respect, self control, tonality, conversation, etc. Mostly self improvement. Combined with a better understanding of Dominance in the BDSM sense, I began to develop a sort of alter ego utilizing those tools. To be honest, this personality has existed in me for as long as I can remember, it simply had no formal training, direction or refinement, and a wall of anxiety holding it back.

Fast forward two years into this, and we wander around the parties, flogger in tow. Generally just stopping in a room to mess around and more often than not, finding an enthusiastic lady or two to practice flogging on. It wasn't until more recently, I began to encounter more masochistic submissives in this environment, that the "Daddy switch" was discovered. "Oh...You want it harder?...I can definitely do that. We say please and thank you here"..."Good girl."

The more enthusiastic and submissive they were, the deeper into that rabbit hole I was able to slip. With the Dominance and seduction knowledge, I began to develop technique beyond just the flogging. With experience, my tonality, language, eye contact, body language began to shift to something more powerful than I had experienced before. I became a lot more domineering. It is almost trancelike, if I had to give it a description. To my understanding, this state of mind is called "Domspace", and I can't think of a better term to describe it.

Once there, my response to their behaviors, mannerisms, body language, tonality and reactions to the flogging began to become more like a dance. After briefly establishing boundaries and safewords, I start it off gently, and check in with them from time to time to make sure they are ok with gradually increasing the intensity. I include a good amount of firm, but gentle touches and corrections in response to their reactions, to ensure they know to stay exactly where I tell them to stay and make use of their safewords. By the end of the session, the look in the more submissive ladies' eyes have shifted from "oh yay, a flogger!" to something more like a deer in headlights and "what the hell just happened?"...Followed by a very grateful thank you, hug and a kiss. I then send them off into the party with their also very grateful partner. Several of them have reached out later, gleefully sharing photos of their bruises, showing gratitude and describing a feeling of "floating" for hours after the session...As I understand it, this would be classified as "subspace". My wife has benefitted greatly from this as well of course.

With time and experience, I have begun to recognize that look in their eyes. I've flogged many women who never quite got that look...the ones who have, have come back for more. For those who have been in that headspace with me, I don't even really need the flogger anymore. They show up, and as long as I've already managed to enter "Domspace", I can easily pull them in with me, simply by seducing them with eye contact, touch and tonality. I'll often have them do fun things such as kneeling on a pillow, blindfolded and holding my flogger in their teeth while I'm not flogging someone else. Occasionally reminding them of what a good girl they are, and eventually rewarding them for their good behavior. The sky's the limit, I have all sorts of fun things I like to do with them. Yes, they've begun to talk about it with other submissives in the club, and several of them have been in the same room, at the same time when I showed up, already deep in Domspace. I'm not bragging or "trying to sound big", I'm simply making an attempt to illustrate the fact that it's real.

Alright, back to the subject at hand...I have attended orgies where I would be unable to drink because I had to drive after. But try, and try as I might, I could never quite reach that magical state of mind. I would go through the motions, but that "trance" just never kicked in, and it just didn't have the same impact (no pun intended), for me or the submissives. We still have fun with it, but because of these experiences, I have come to the realization that the only times I've actually been able to get into that headspace, was after I've had enough bourbon to effectively bind and gag my anxiety.

Again, I am not here looking for justification to drink, and I am not consuming enough to wobble, slur s***ch and black out. And certainly not enough to lose control. I drink just enough to calm my nerves. Once I am in that headspace, I actually don't even need to drink anymore. It carries itself. But that is why I have come here. In an attempt to find and achieve that headspace without the use of alcohol to get me there. I suppose I was hoping this community would have some suggestions, hacks, short cuts, triggers or methods to accomplish that, despite the anxiety.

It seems to be that rather than a trick to accomplish that, I will need to directly address my anxiety. That seems to be the general consensus anyway. Fair enough, I assure you, I am not ignoring your advice, so thank you. I am still interested in shortcuts or hacks to achieve this headspace if you happen to have any suggestions.

Now, if you don't mind, I am going to polish off a bottle of bourbon and head to the mall in my underwear with my flogger in hand...Joking...I am only joking...maybe.

TLDR: Read OP.

[ge****]

35 minutes ago, CubanoDomino said:

There's a lot to digest here, so I'll do my best to address what I can.

Again, thank you all for your feedback and insight. I assure you, your interpretation of what is actually happening here is grossly inaccurate...based on the response I have received that is.

So, I will make an attempt to ***t a more detailed and accurate picture. I will do my best to summarize it. Fair warning, I can be a bit wordy, so gather 'round ***, here's the long-winded version.

Once upon a time, roughly two or so years ago, my wife and I decided to "spice up our sex life" a bit. We bought a flogger and tried it out. It was fun. We of course had no idea of what we were doing, but we had fun with it nonetheless. After watching several videos on how to properly flog, we continued to incorporate it whenever we had the opportunity to do so, having *** in the house made that aspect of it a bit more challenging.

Eventually, we decided to explore swinging, and attended our first swinger party. It was amazing! I definitely drank way too much in the beginning of the evening out of panic, but that eventually tapered off as the evening wore on. We brought the flogger, just in case someone was interested in trying it, and we were happy to use it for ourselves as well. We met a woman who was more than enthusiastic about being flogged during our first threesome...and so I did. It was fun. Mildly kinky at best, it certainly wasn't my best work.

We continued to meet our new lady friend, and always took the opportunity to use the flogger every time we did. The element of Dominance wasn't quite there yet. It wasn't refined anyway. It was always just sexy, kinky fun. My flogging technique however, was improving the more I had a chance to use it. Safewords were always provided.

We also continued to attend parties every few months, while simultaneously learning my limits for alcohol in those parties. Getting sloppy drunk did nobody any favors. It is easy to go too far in that environment however, as there are jello shots in virtually every open room there. These days, I avoid the shots entirely. I do still have a nice double Basil Hayden on the rocks to start the evening and help take the edge off, followed by another single pour, which generally pushes me into the comfort zone...and probably not quite legal to drive zone as well. It is quite effective at eliminating the anxiety however, something I am eager to overcome without the alcohol.

Throughout this time, I have also taken the time to study more about Dominance and BDSM. I am not particularly active in online forums, however I have consumed countless hours of content, and paid extra close attention to subjects involving being a better Dominant. Evie Lupine has been an invaluable inspiration. I had also been studying seduction. Not "manipulation" mind you, but confidence, charm, behavior, respect, self control, tonality, conversation, etc. Mostly self improvement. Combined with a better understanding of Dominance in the BDSM sense, I began to develop a sort of alter ego utilizing those tools. To be honest, this personality has existed in me for as long as I can remember, it simply had no formal training, direction or refinement, and a wall of anxiety holding it back.

Fast forward two years into this, and we wander around the parties, flogger in tow. Generally just stopping in a room to mess around and more often than not, finding an enthusiastic lady or two to practice flogging on. It wasn't until more recently, I began to encounter more masochistic submissives in this environment, that the "Daddy switch" was discovered. "Oh...You want it harder?...I can definitely do that. We say please and thank you here"..."Good girl."

The more enthusiastic and submissive they were, the deeper into that rabbit hole I was able to slip. With the Dominance and seduction knowledge, I began to develop technique beyond just the flogging. With experience, my tonality, language, eye contact, body language began to shift to something more powerful than I had experienced before. I became a lot more domineering. It is almost trancelike, if I had to give it a description. To my understanding, this state of mind is called "Domspace", and I can't think of a better term to describe it.

Once there, my response to their behaviors, mannerisms, body language, tonality and reactions to the flogging began to become more like a dance. After briefly establishing boundaries and safewords, I start it off gently, and check in with them from time to time to make sure they are ok with gradually increasing the intensity. I include a good amount of firm, but gentle touches and corrections in response to their reactions, to ensure they know to stay exactly where I tell them to stay and make use of their safewords. By the end of the session, the look in the more submissive ladies' eyes have shifted from "oh yay, a flogger!" to something more like a deer in headlights and "what the hell just happened?"...Followed by a very grateful thank you, hug and a kiss. I then send them off into the party with their also very grateful partner. Several of them have reached out later, gleefully sharing photos of their bruises, showing gratitude and describing a feeling of "floating" for hours after the session...As I understand it, this would be classified as "subspace". My wife has benefitted greatly from this as well of course.

With time and experience, I have begun to recognize that look in their eyes. I've flogged many women who never quite got that look...the ones who have, have come back for more. For those who have been in that headspace with me, I don't even really need the flogger anymore. They show up, and as long as I've already managed to enter "Domspace", I can easily pull them in with me, simply by seducing them with eye contact, touch and tonality. I'll often have them do fun things such as kneeling on a pillow, blindfolded and holding my flogger in their teeth while I'm not flogging someone else. Occasionally reminding them of what a good girl they are, and eventually rewarding them for their good behavior. The sky's the limit, I have all sorts of fun things I like to do with them. Yes, they've begun to talk about it with other submissives in the club, and several of them have been in the same room, at the same time when I showed up, already deep in Domspace. I'm not bragging or "trying to sound big", I'm simply making an attempt to illustrate the fact that it's real.

Alright, back to the subject at hand...I have attended orgies where I would be unable to drink because I had to drive after. But try, and try as I might, I could never quite reach that magical state of mind. I would go through the motions, but that "trance" just never kicked in, and it just didn't have the same impact (no pun intended), for me or the submissives. We still have fun with it, but because of these experiences, I have come to the realization that the only times I've actually been able to get into that headspace, was after I've had enough bourbon to effectively bind and gag my anxiety.

Again, I am not here looking for justification to drink, and I am not consuming enough to wobble, slur s***ch and black out. And certainly not enough to lose control. I drink just enough to calm my nerves. Once I am in that headspace, I actually don't even need to drink anymore. It carries itself. But that is why I have come here. In an attempt to find and achieve that headspace without the use of alcohol to get me there. I suppose I was hoping this community would have some suggestions, hacks, short cuts, triggers or methods to accomplish that, despite the anxiety.

It seems to be that rather than a trick to accomplish that, I will need to directly address my anxiety. That seems to be the general consensus anyway. Fair enough, I assure you, I am not ignoring your advice, so thank you. I am still interested in shortcuts or hacks to achieve this headspace if you happen to have any suggestions.

Now, if you don't mind, I am going to polish off a bottle of bourbon and head to the mall in my underwear with my flogger in hand...Joking...I am only joking...maybe.

TLDR: Read OP.

Thing is, can you not see how much better that version reads than the TLDR one that basically said "I need to drink so much alcohol that I'm unfit to drove to become dominant but when I am I wander round parties randomly flogging people and putting them into subspace while in a trance myself"?
.
Yes, people, myself included, have possibly jumped to conclusions, but they've done so based on your words.
.
Now whether you've expanded this latest version of your story to fit others reaction and somehow justify yourself, only you can know - I make no call either way.
.
It's good that you want to try to get away from the need for alcohol though, but in truth I don't think there is any easy answer to that one beyond what has already been suggested several times along with further self-learning and introspection.
.
Curiously when I visited swingers clubs and despite having my own anxieties to deal with in that situation, the one thing I never did was drink alcohol, apart from occasionally towards the end of the evening when playtime was over, more as a wind down tool than anything - I preferred to keep my head clear and be in control, and took a "what will be will be" view when it came to my anxieties - perhaps try and channel some of that and the more you attend these events "dry" the more you confidence will grow and your anxieties dissipate.

[CubanoDomino]

18 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Thing is, can you not see how much better that version reads than the TLDR one that basically said "I need to drink so much alcohol that I'm unfit to drove to become dominant but when I am I wander round parties randomly flogging people and putting them into subspace while in a trance myself"?
.
Yes, people, myself included, have possibly jumped to conclusions, but they've done so based on your words.
.
Now whether you've expanded this latest version of your story to fit others reaction and somehow justify yourself, only you can know - I make no call either way.
.
It's good that you want to try to get away from the need for alcohol though, but in truth I don't think there is any easy answer to that one beyond what has already been suggested several times along with further self-learning and introspection.
.
Curiously when I visited swingers clubs and despite having my own anxieties to deal with in that situation, the one thing I never did was drink alcohol, apart from occasionally towards the end of the evening when playtime was over, more as a wind down tool than anything - I preferred to keep my head clear and be in control, and took a "what will be will be" view when it came to my anxieties - perhaps try and channel some of that and the more you attend these events "dry" the more you confidence will grow and your anxieties dissipate.

Yes, that is a terrible way to interpret it, and I can completely understand how it could be interpreted this way. Your very warm responses certainly helped me realize I needed to clarify a few details. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to point that out. You all seem like genuinely great people. Really. I was on your side the entire time, that guy you were throwing rocks at is a total douchebag.

That is our story, not looking to justify myself to anyone. I'm on a self improvement journey and BDSM has become a part of that journey. I landed here after a conversation with my wife (my current therapist) about finding solutions to unlocking that experience without the booze. My apologies for the confusion, I hope a little backstory helped clear that up. I did leave out the bit about the rubber duck, which probably would have helped, but we don't talk about that.

That is good, solid advice. Thank you, I will take it.