The Divide: Dominant Women and What They Seek compared to Submissives and What They Seek.

[MistressWhipplash]

The Divide: Dominant Women and What They Seek compared to Submissives and What They Seek.

Question 1: Do you feel that Divide is widening than in previous years? Do explain your answer a bit.

 

Question 1a: If you have a theory to your answer of yes or no Do give details.

[Th****]

There are very few actual submissives and it's difficult to find them amongst the throngs of bottoms seeking Dom women when what they really want is a service top. 

[Sh****]

I've met alot of fake femdom ***rs, on here especially; that don't understand what being an actual dominant is. They disrespect boundaries and expect submissives to follow everything they ask, regardless if they're uncomfortable with it or not. Most have also been obsessed with *** and requiring gifts. I feel like a lot of untrue dominants have flooded the bdsm space, and it's making even the genuine female dominants look bad.

[MistressWhipplash]

  22 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

There are very few actual submissives and it's difficult to find them amongst the throngs of bottoms seeking Dom women when what they really want is a service top. 

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Absolutely that or a short term play partner or random pick up play at a fetish play club or dungeon.

 

Unfortunately as newbie guys many misrepresent themselves by not looking up what they think they seek.

 

A fair few Dominant Women are the Boss in their romantic relationships therefore,  if they are seeking, thry want a Submissive not a newbie bottom.

 

Newbie guys who make the effort to learn BDSM terms including what the difference between a play partner, a service Top and a Dominant Woman are for EACH person they message prior to asking to meet at a munch are snapped up.

Those who decline to learn on their own continually post "where are all the Mistresses?" When they mean where are all the service Tops and pick up play at.

 

** News flash Women aren't primarily here to cater to the whims of guys. **

What happened to the decent three paragraph message that has zero kink in it? I think the instant gratification society some reside in, encourages that "gimme" mindset.

 

It does give the genuine Submissive guy a harder journey to find a compatible Boss to adore.

 

I am aware from experienced Submissive guy friends that as newbies they get the scammers with the stolen pics misrepresenting what a Mistress/Dominant Woman is too.

However going to munches rules out a high percentage of the scammers for guys.

 

Unfortunately we Dominant Women still get the bottom dudes at munches offering themselves like treats when their appalling "gimme gimme" behaviour has me deal with them. At times leaving the Munch for an after party I organise at a more exclusive bar where I decline the rowdies an invitation.

 

 

[Sh****]

I've been to several muches, play parties, dungeons, etc. I've met countless Domme's and some who were looking for a submissive. The only issue is that we just weren't compatible when it came to the levels of *** and *** I needed from my partner. Yes, your Mistress is in charge of the relationship, but you, as the sub, have the power to stop and cease anything you are uncomfortable with in this dynamic. I've been a part of this community officially since I was 18, and ever since we had a global pandemic, the community has absolutely changed for the worst. People hardly want to go out to meet anymore and expect instant gratification. A D/s dynamic is a slow build on trust and understanding one another, both mentally, physically, and sexually. A lot of these "doms" today hardly put in the effort to do just that. Another gripe I have with modern doms is most also don't even try to teach these "newbie subs," anything about being a proper submissive, so this cycle of "uniformed submissive" will just continue.

[MistressWhipplash]

  9 minutes ago, RannitheMoon said:

I've been to several muches, play parties, dungeons, etc. I've met countless Domme's and some who were looking for a submissive. The only issue is that we just weren't compatible when it came to the levels of *** and *** I needed from my partner. Yes, your Mistress is in charge of the relationship, but you, as the sub, have the power to stop and cease anything you are uncomfortable with in this dynamic. I've been a part of this community officially since I was 18, and ever since we had a global pandemic, the community has absolutely changed for the worst. People hardly want to go out to meet anymore and expect instant gratification. A D/s dynamic is a slow build on trust and understanding one another, both mentally, physically, and sexually. A lot of these "doms" today hardly put in the effort to do just that. Another gripe I have with modern doms is most also don't even try to teach these "newbie subs," anything about being a proper submissive, so this cycle of "uniformed submissive" will just continue.

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I have a profile on another site that has a long writing for newbie guys seeking "a Mistress" when they mean a service Top most of the time. 

 

A Dominant Woman isn't there to teach, be a counsellor or any "drag him by the nose" action.

 

As an adult he is responsible for asking where to learn stuff. At munches for example many a newbie HAS asked and been patiently advised. They learn and grow then they are snapped up when they are ready to be with a whole human being being who happens to be the Boss in her romantic relationship (s).

 

A Mistress/Dominant Woman isn't responsible for anyone but herself and those who submit to her in a long term relationship in my opinion.

 

[Sh****]

Sorry, I disagree. I was taught how to be a proper submissive in person, by other dommes throughout the years. I've learned so much from them. It just sounds like you don't want to put in the work to train and teach a submissive; respectfully. That's fine, but good luck finding someone who you can grow and build a trusting relationship together with.

[ey****]

I can't compare based on forever and ever - but I've been continuously about for 10 years now and some of my observations on changes

I think there's always been an issue with men being unrealistic in what they are looking for; or using the incorrect approach of what they look for.  This isn't me being all "women are awesome, men suck" follow me a bit.

A lot will say they want a full term relationship but what this looks like is more of a 24/7 play party rather than a relationship of which kink/fetish/BDSM is an element - and that is doomed to fail because no Domme will ever be "good enough" 

A lot, ultimately as is stated want a play partner but will approach as if they are looking for a Dominant, there is nothing wrong with wanting play partners to any degree of formality or commitment - so long as there's benefit for the other person (and remember that women tend not to be sitting around waiting for randos to play with.  Tend. I have known ladies set up in a dungeon shouting "next" and beating whoever comes in - but that only works if you're into receiving impact play anyway) 

But really how a lot usually come across when it's very, these are my kinks, I want to do them with you, I want most of our meetings to be playbased, blah blah - and it's often that what they're looking for is a Pro Domme session; they just don't want to pay.   It's almost no surprise there is a rise in people replying, "sure, pay me" especially online.

One of the issues I think from a few years ago which I don't see so much these days - the amount of women who would have been approached by someone, maybe not a total stranger, but very "I want to be your sub, I want you to train me, I want to live in" or whatever around then - and the lady would give them a chance.  Then invest time and emotion into the relationship only for it to get so far through and the sub then decide this isn't for them, either the whole thing isn't what they imagined, it doesn't work, or in some cases there's been sudden ghosting or someone using that they are a "trained sub" to court someone they deem more attractive (ugh) and I think I've not heard so many of these stories recently as women in general are a lot more choosy on who/where they invest their time and it's certainly going to have to be someone who has made an effort for their own growth.   Which could include long term passive connections (i.e. often interacting online, or seeing each other regular at munches/events so they both know what each other is about before they both waste time)

 

[Deleted Member]

A very interesting read indeed.

There merits to both sides of the disagreement..

 

A Dom has spent alot of there own time plus effort learning what an how they enjoy themselves or showing there pet / slave the love, affection based on behaviour they deserve..  So yes he / she / they / them has the right to demand that the partner has atleast the bare minimum of atleast knowledge of what there asked for or asking for actually means or that said slave or pet can forfill and knows how to be what they claim to be?

 

What if I am new and seek training?  This site offers training courses for just this reason, as stated munching is a great way to find people willing to help you providing you are not someone whose just messing around wasting everyone's time ... if you was truly trying to learn then you would have spent time reading about kinks and there true meanings, what a ideal dynamic based on your needs or wants.. as being Dominated is a choice based on giving full control to another once you are both comfortable with boundaries set ... as stated before if you can't do this all the time stop saying you are sub looking for Dom / Mistress 

 

Spend more time thinking and researching as you don't want someone wasting your time so why is it fair if you are doing that.

 

A BDSM relationship is a commitment between 2 people who are of a genuinely forged bound of trust most of all as if you can't trust that your partner is exactly how they claim then there's no way anything else could ever grow. 

 

Flings and stuff are fine for some which is fine for those who openly stated that's what it's going to be...

 

Don't forget that when you state commitment, relationship,  partnership this comes with expectations of you honoring that its a longterm usually exclusive bond that you both committed to from the start 

Edited June 7, 2024 by Deleted Member
Accidentally clicked post to early

[Th****]

  5 hours ago, RannitheMoon said:

Sorry, I disagree. I was taught how to be a proper submissive in person, by other dommes throughout the years. I've learned so much from them. It just sounds like you don't want to put in the work to train and teach a submissive; respectfully. That's fine, but good luck finding someone who you can grow and build a trusting relationship together with.

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The entitlement here is a huge part of why a lot of Doms are so averse to newbies. They want to be spoon fed and as has been mentioned those newbies, way more often than not, take our time and effort for granted and are often afflicted with shiny object syndrome and end up being users. It's totally logical that Doms would become burnt out by this and not be so willing to take on newbies. 

We're still perfectly happy to coach and teach how we each want our *own* sub to be. Because.... newsflash.... we don't all have the same style and/or want the same things 😱 shocking right? But we've gotten to the point that we're tired and don't want to be covering 101 level stuff anymore. There absolutely is a huge amount anyone can learn all on their own before entering a dynamic. Showing initiative and learning as much as one can before and *while* searching for consistent play partners and/or a dynamic will absolutely make a sub stand out and they'll get scooped up quick by a genuine Dom. There is so much very easily accessible education available on the internet, fetlife's class and event listings in addition to groups and the thousands of writings there is especially a good starting place for finding all of these resources. There are in person events for learning and interacting with Dom  women. 

It's not that we're unwilling to teach *at all* but we need to not feel like we're the one putting in the much larger effort. 

[Th****]

  58 minutes ago, Wolfmandave83 said:

you don't want someone wasting your time so why is it fair if you are doing that.

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Precisely this. People claiming to be subs will complain all the time about their time being wasted but have no issues at all demanding time and attention from Dominants while offering little to nothng in return. 

If people would take the initiative and do as much learning and self training as possible, they'd also pretty easily be able to determine the obvious differences from genuine lifestyle Dominants and those who are only going to require *** or some other thing they don't want. 

Eyem mentioned play partners... many of us would be interested in more casual situations, myself included.  I know *many* Dom women who have play partners in addition to their more comitted submissive, even if they won't/don't do pick up play with just anyone. 

The thing is, even with play partners, there's still a level of care and commitment. Genuine, authentic care and *FRIENDSHIP* really goes a long way. It's the required currency if someone doesn't want to pay. Authentic friendships within the community and lifestyle are valuable. You can learn things from each other, have a support network and meet people through others you might not otherwise meet and who knows they might introduce your next partner. 

It's kind of a gross comparison and I don't like presenting it this way but maybe it's what's needed in order to get through to some people....

Either find a pro and pay the actual dollars or invest time, care, consideration, and basic human decency with the friendship dollars. Though it seems a lot of people also need to learn and work on the what's and how's to even be a friend let alone a submissive. So if someone doesn't want to do either, go play with AI and leave the rest of us alone. 

 

 

[ey****]

I'm gonna also say a little that I find elements of the notion of 'training' to be a little...

like, firstly, the concept of training isn't relevant to every dynamic.

In the dynamics it is relevant in, there's a lot of things within context.   Like, we are in an information age where so much info is at our fingertips that there is a lot that there is no excuse for anyone to lack a basic understanding in.

The context from there comes down to the dynamic and level of protocol.

So I dunno, imagine at a munch some folk who kinda know each other are talking and one of the ladies says she would love to go to (say) The Femdom ball and one of the guys pipes up and says he would love to accompany her.

They kinda know each other so from a friends/rapport basis this is not an issue - but for example she says, "you know it's really high protocol" and he says he finds that exciting.  And she says, "but you know if you fuck up it's me that looks bad", "Oh, I won't fuck up, I won't" then maybe they could spend a little time together doing protocol training in line with what would be expected at the ball to make sure this would work for them both (and then they find it would, but it's sold out - doh!) that works in context - the purpose of the training is he wants to go to the ball, with her, she wants someone that would make her look good and maybe they'll have some fun on the way.   But, this for example - while there is play in the afterparty, this isn't the requirement of any of the training.

 

If it's two people exploring kinks together, that is not training.

within training, mind, it's not that the subs wishes and wants are not important - but it is being trained for your Dominant.  And, if nothing else, before embarking on training with a Dominant someone should have done at least a level of research that they will ultimately have a chance of being compatible

Like, yes Miss, I'll put all your needs first Miss... but, my main fetish is foot fetish so if you don't like your feet being touched this probably isn't going to work for me as much as I like you. 

[Deleted Member]

  3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Precisely this. People claiming to be subs will complain all the time about their time being wasted but have no issues at all demanding time and attention from Dominants while offering little to nothng in return. 

If people would take the initiative and do as much learning and self training as possible, they'd also pretty easily be able to determine the obvious differences from genuine lifestyle Dominants and those who are only going to require *** or some other thing they don't want. 

Eyem mentioned play partners... many of us would be interested in more casual situations, myself included.  I know *many* Dom women who have play partners in addition to their more comitted submissive, even if they won't/don't do pick up play with just anyone. 

The thing is, even with play partners, there's still a level of care and commitment. Genuine, authentic care and *FRIENDSHIP* really goes a long way. It's the required currency if someone doesn't want to pay. Authentic friendships within the community and lifestyle are valuable. You can learn things from each other, have a support network and meet people through others you might not otherwise meet and who knows they might introduce your next partner. 

It's kind of a gross comparison and I don't like presenting it this way but maybe it's what's needed in order to get through to some people....

Either find a pro and pay the actual dollars or invest time, care, consideration, and basic human decency with the friendship dollars. Though it seems a lot of people also need to learn and work on the what's and how's to even be a friend let alone a submissive. So if someone doesn't want to do either, go play with AI and leave the rest of us alone. 

 

 

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I find being blunt tends to get me in trouble alot but it was a more direct clear description to "help" those who don't seem to grasp something that is very easy to understand when a little effort is put into understanding what a word means before using it blindly.

 

Nice to see a like minded soul it's refreshing:)

[Deleted Member]

  3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm gonna also say a little that I find elements of the notion of 'training' to be a little...

like, firstly, the concept of training isn't relevant to every dynamic.

In the dynamics it is relevant in, there's a lot of things within context.   Like, we are in an information age where so much info is at our fingertips that there is a lot that there is no excuse for anyone to lack a basic understanding in.

The context from there comes down to the dynamic and level of protocol.

So I dunno, imagine at a munch some folk who kinda know each other are talking and one of the ladies says she would love to go to (say) The Femdom ball and one of the guys pipes up and says he would love to accompany her.

They kinda know each other so from a friends/rapport basis this is not an issue - but for example she says, "you know it's really high protocol" and he says he finds that exciting.  And she says, "but you know if you fuck up it's me that looks bad", "Oh, I won't fuck up, I won't" then maybe they could spend a little time together doing protocol training in line with what would be expected at the ball to make sure this would work for them both (and then they find it would, but it's sold out - doh!) that works in context - the purpose of the training is he wants to go to the ball, with her, she wants someone that would make her look good and maybe they'll have some fun on the way.   But, this for example - while there is play in the afterparty, this isn't the requirement of any of the training.

 

If it's two people exploring kinks together, that is not training.

within training, mind, it's not that the subs wishes and wants are not important - but it is being trained for your Dominant.  And, if nothing else, before embarking on training with a Dominant someone should have done at least a level of research that they will ultimately have a chance of being compatible

Like, yes Miss, I'll put all your needs first Miss... but, my main fetish is foot fetish so if you don't like your feet being touched this probably isn't going to work for me as much as I like you. 

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The point of training was mistaken by you in this example..

 We was referring to people who signed up did no research or exploration or munch exploration at all but throw around about how there entitlement to a Dom being  ***d to teach them ..

 

Your points of people who have put in the time to even learn about munching, etiquette of behaviour at such events simple basic things mean that if someone is williing would ofcource be normal.

But if they turned up blind with no idea of how to behave then they start trying to jump in the deep end expectations of being able to ruin the evening of others because of it that is the person and behaviour being referenced...

Everyone is entitled to have freedom to learn and grow but people who are new think this is a game but it is people's life choices and reputations ruined by being misinformed and ignorance of simple common curiosity expectations most people rightly so have.

 

As I said before if you are new do your basic research using all the well thought out helpful posts about what kinks are, what expectations come from them sure not every kink is exactly a this is xyz but it gives you basic knowledge to base things off. Don't lie state clearly you are "sub" or what ever1but new to the scene. Explore munches or chat with like minded kinksters as this shows to anyone atleast interested that you have a genuine desire for learning etc ...

 

Anyways I rant to much but trying to help budding kinksters the best help and kindness I can so there adventures go smoothly 

[ey****]

  10 minutes ago, Wolfmandave83 said:

The point of training was mistaken by you in this example..

 We was referring to people who signed up did no research or exploration or munch exploration at all but throw around about how there entitlement to a Dom being  ***d to teach them ..

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well, yes and no

my example of training was an example of a valid use of training

that someone turning up and dumping emotional labour onto someone going "train me!" is not a use of training 

[Sh****]

Since my comment was removed. I'll post it again--

--I've been to several
nuches, play parties, dungeons, etc. I've
met countless Domme's and some who
were looking for a submissive. The only
issue is that we just weren't compatible
when it came to the levels of ***
and *** I needed from my
partner. Yes, your Mistress is in charge
of the relationship, but you, as the sub,
have the power to stop and cease
anything you are uncomfortable with in
this dynamic. I've been a part of this
community officially since I was 18, and
ever since we had a global pandemic
the community has absolutely changed
for the worst. People hardly want to go
out to meet anymore and expect instant
gratification. A D/s dynamic is a slow
build on trust and understanding one
another, both mentally, physically, and
sexually. A lot of these "doms" today
hardly put in the effort to do just that.
Another gripe I have with modern doms
is most also don't even try to teach
these "newbie subs," anything about
being a proper submissive, so this cycle
of "uniformed submissive" will just
continue.

[Sh****]

*munches

[Deleted Member]

Doms will always put in the effort you deserve based on if you provide proof you are worth it

 

If the dynamic is not working out and it cannot be fixed by explaining to the partner then go your separate ways.

 

The fact you're reposting the exact same post deleted as it breaks tos shows you clearly can't learn plus the way you talk.. take a look at how you act and present yourself dude as some how I really doubt its the Dom failing to do there part .. sorry truth hurts 

Edited June 7, 2024 by Deleted Member
Spelling error

[Sh****]

It's funny, Wolf. I only ever read these kinds of excuses from people online, as opposed to in person. As I've said before, I've been in this community since I was 18 (8+ Years), and have learned through REAL LIFE experiences with other dominants. The only reason I haven't settled with anyone is because I'm into some taboo things that I NEED a part of the dynamic. All the Doms I've met have been kind, patient, and open and willing to teach. Sounds to me like you're impatient and don't want to take your time with someone, and you're making excuses for yourself. Best of luck finding a submissive who isn't flakey with that attitude.

[Deleted Member]

  37 minutes ago, RannitheMoon said:

It's funny, Wolf. I only ever read these kinds of excuses from people online, as opposed to in person. As I've said before, I've been in this community since I was 18 (8+ Years), and have learned through REAL LIFE experiences with other dominants. The only reason I haven't settled with anyone is because I'm into some taboo things that I NEED a part of the dynamic. All the Doms I've met have been kind, patient, and open and willing to teach. Sounds to me like you're impatient and don't want to take your time with someone, and you're making excuses for yourself. Best of luck finding a submissive who isn't flakey with that attitude.

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You say it's all the Doms fault and they don't bend to how you want them to behave...

 

Yet here you are acting like some spoiled brat who didn't get all of mommy's attention...

Didn't occur to you there's 2 people in a dynamic?  Maybe you could have failed to do things or be at fault? 

Did you ever talk to the Dom about the fact you wasn't happy?  Or ask them what you did wrong? 

 

All you have shown here is the exact issue we been talking about.

Spoiled little brats who think there entitled to be spoon fed or catered to. Thinking only your own needs matter.

You have shown a clear disregard for rules by reposting after being deleted once. Being bratty and showing a " I am entitled" attitude..

OK it sucks the dynamic didn't work but it was not "all" the Doms fault as I said go reflect on how your behaviour has been and take responsibility for the fact just maybe you did things and failed to. Like any adult should.

 

Congratulations you been "in the scene since i was18 (8)years" ever considered the 1 common thing that has been in all the failed attempts was you and you're attitude... think a little on that.

I am not here to brat tame someone.

So take my advice or ignore it this is your choice.

I have not choosen to try offering the view as its shown because I was trying to be an ass it just really reflecting bad on you dude.

 

Also love how you changed attitude from Doms don't teach blah blah to suddenly having had ones do exactly what you came across as bratty "they don't teach" etc

 

If a Dom trying to *** things you don't want and have agreed to not do ofc walk away.,

Illegal depending what it was if it's  criminal and they trying to *** report it ... if any partner starts being abusive no matter what its a walk away instantly no one should have to be treated like that

Edited June 7, 2024 by Deleted Member
Correction

[ey****]

  1 hour ago, RannitheMoon said:

Since my comment was removed. I'll post it again-

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it's still on the thread; it wasn't removed 

[ey****]

there's stuff got a potential to go a bit off topic - but in this concepts

Relationships/dynamics require work from both people 

I don't think anyone is disputing that.

Prior to a dynamic/relationship starting - no one owes anyone else time or training.     Obviously there are people who will lend their time/skills/expertise in certain circumstances.  Like workshops, discussion groups, mentoring, whatever - that's entirely different.  But these are either within the community, or through people they have appropriate rapport with.

To be honest. If someone new/naive/etc is coming to community spaces then that is already an opportunity for their growth via the community

When it comes to relationships/dynamics - as I say this requires work from both people, and if someone doesn't appear to have put in reasonable effort into their own training, then this is a warning sign.

What is deemed to be reasonable effort, would depend on the individual.  Because it is often emotional labour, which is exhausting.  It's probably unsurprising some people are less willing if they spent time 'training' someone only for the person to say "you don't go far enough" - it's going to have them re-evaluate who they spend time on.

But then equally, if someone has been active on the community for 8 years, why would you need training?  Like. If a Domme went to me, "right, I want you as a sub" the only 'training' needed is how they like certain things (since I can't mind read) if they're like "Blacksheep, you're coming to Pedestal" then I don't need training because I know what is expected in Pedestal.  

We're ultimately responsible for our own learning.  It can be easier to do this *with* someone, but there has to be some benefit to them doing it *with* you. 

[Deleted Member]

  12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there's stuff got a potential to go a bit off topic - but in this concepts

Relationships/dynamics require work from both people 

I don't think anyone is disputing that.

Prior to a dynamic/relationship starting - no one owes anyone else time or training.     Obviously there are people who will lend their time/skills/expertise in certain circumstances.  Like workshops, discussion groups, mentoring, whatever - that's entirely different.  But these are either within the community, or through people they have appropriate rapport with.

To be honest. If someone new/naive/etc is coming to community spaces then that is already an opportunity for their growth via the community

When it comes to relationships/dynamics - as I say this requires work from both people, and if someone doesn't appear to have put in reasonable effort into their own training, then this is a warning sign.

What is deemed to be reasonable effort, would depend on the individual.  Because it is often emotional labour, which is exhausting.  It's probably unsurprising some people are less willing if they spent time 'training' someone only for the person to say "you don't go far enough" - it's going to have them re-evaluate who they spend time on.

But then equally, if someone has been active on the community for 8 years, why would you need training?  Like. If a Domme went to me, "right, I want you as a sub" the only 'training' needed is how they like certain things (since I can't mind read) if they're like "Blacksheep, you're coming to Pedestal" then I don't need training because I know what is expected in Pedestal.  

We're ultimately responsible for our own learning.  It can be easier to do this *with* someone, but there has to be some benefit to them doing it *with* you. 

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100% this 

Also never make the mistake of trying for the exact same or a perfect match as no 2 dynamics will be exactly the same or perfect from the start it's what as a pair you work together towards... there is no take if there is no give in return:)

Edited June 7, 2024 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Th****]

  7 hours ago, RannitheMoon said:

Since my comment was removed. I'll post it again--

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It wasn't. It's still there. But if it were... moderators are the only ones with the ability to do that so the fact that you felt compelled to post it again while believeing that it had been deleted sure does say a lot about you as a person. 🧐

[An****]

  Friday at 03:45 AM, RannitheMoon said:

I've been to several muches, play parties, dungeons, etc. I've met countless Domme's and some who were looking for a submissive. The only issue is that we just weren't compatible when it came to the levels of *** and *** I needed from my partner. Yes, your Mistress is in charge of the relationship, but you, as the sub, have the power to stop and cease anything you are uncomfortable with in this dynamic. I've been a part of this community officially since I was 18, and ever since we had a global pandemic, the community has absolutely changed for the worst. People hardly want to go out to meet anymore and expect instant gratification. A D/s dynamic is a slow build on trust and understanding one another, both mentally, physically, and sexually. A lot of these "doms" today hardly put in the effort to do just that. Another gripe I have with modern doms is most also don't even try to teach these "newbie subs," anything about being a proper submissive, so this cycle of "uniformed submissive" will just continue.

Expand  

From your pandemic down I agree. D/s is difficult being a long time sub. You hit the nail on the head. The “Doms” who seek the newbies are rather concerning. I’ve read post and also messages (even tho I’m not a newbie🙄🙄) from several and honestly it was terrifying to think of them actually getting their hands on one. Sadly tho online has brought out the scammers, disrespectful asswipes and more by the masses. I encourage all newbies no matter who to read/educate themselves on their journey of self discovery into the lifestyle. Be patient and stay safe.