D/s relationships

[Ki****]

Can, could, would, should; really anything is possible given the right boundaries and people.
Now on the other hand for my experience the longer you see somone the more you grow closer to them, then we can lie to eachother say that's not the case someone eventually gets burnt.

Double underline the my experience bit I'm sure there's plenty other examples in the world

[Ch****]

It most certainly can as long as your intensions align or have room for compromise without compromising yourselves or your personal happiness too far... but proper boundaries must be communicated (of your own as well as within your D/s relationship).

D/s relationships can be very deep platonically as well as in relationships, but our personal needs, and how/where/with whom we get our needs fulfilled and replenished will determine that. Capability is something to strongly consider and you must be totally honest with yourselves about it before negotiations.

[Je****]

Some do remain casual but depending on the relationship oftentimes it becomes very serious as can be seen in Femdom marriage situations. Marriage is serious, but you don’t need marriage for a D/s relationship and can remain relatively relaxed and easy. Most often it’s personal relationships with emotional intimacy and that normally comes with D/s but ultimately it’s up to the Dominant to make the decision to make the relationship more serious. All relationships are different but the right one will be serious if the relationship is strong

[goon2yu]

Since you've already spent considerable emotional investment towards developing a relationship, I can definitely understand your apprehension with him playing with others.  That's of course an inevitable dilemma when boundaries are not established. D/s relationships are not easy to establish, and in some cases I think it's better to follow the exclusivity arrangement if there's palpable compatibility.  I also suspect many who are just looking for easy sex can be weeded out by keeping all liaisons non-sexual. I realize times have changed and more are readily bouncing in and out of D/s relationships where sex is exchanged. Because of the transient nature of this culture it's always easy to get emotionally hurt. We all learn from past mistakes and hopefully your personal journey and future decisions will help you to protect your heart.

[Deleted Member]

If you don't feel good about yourself or the relationship, it was ***d from the start. Free yourself. Either match the game or move on. Men are candy, reach into the bag again and pull a handful. You deserve happiness. Another is bound to have your desired intimacy in mind and YOU on their mind. Just because they call it a kink doesn't mean it isn't ***. Sorry love. The story has changed. It's too late to turn back, so it's time to walk. The fact you're even asking us chronically online idiots says too much. You're not happy, and nothing anyone says can fix what's already been wrong. I send my love and the desire that love hunts for you.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, gemini_man said:

The question actually isn't so much whether a relationship can stay casual, as whether your relationship can take the possible strain of being open.
.
Having taken the step to agree to it being open - the next step should be to put in place boundaries and rules to protect it as best you can.
.
Consider things like how often you each are able to meet other "playmates", whether any meets are overnight or just a few hours at a club etc, what level of emotional tie, if any, is possible with alternate partners and more besides.
.
Once you have that framework in place only then can you really consider the notion of firstly meeting others, and to what extent those others are met.
.
You of course also have to consider the wants and needs of other potential partners but with boundaries and rules in place you can then approach that with greater clarity.

That's actually one of the best answers I've seen regarding a poly relationship and whst it could mean

[wh****]

My experience is hardly extensive however from what I have experienced a subservient will develop feelings for their master or mistress and those feelings can over right or complicate their relationships outside of the master mistress subservient honestly what you are talking about does not look promise to me

[Su****]

This doesn’t sound like an issue of whether or not he’ll get close to her. In an open relationship he’s gonna get close with anyone kinda the point of open relationship. I think you need to be honest with your partner and tell them you can’t handle an open relationship. If you can’t handle your partner getting close to others then you shouldn’t be in an open relationship

[po****]

In my experience, it can remain casual as long as you aren't meeting too frequently, or getting to know each other too well...but I agree with SubbyLove1. You need to be honest with yourself amd not *** yourself into giving up a piece of the relationship that you want.

[Br****]

Our relationship is a bit complex and I feel needs to be broken down more as everyone is making assumptions based on what they think our relationship is.
We were FWB for 2 years, in a committed, monogamous relationship for a little over a year, and then went back to FWB (not what I wanted but went with it). I’m in love with him, he doesn’t have those type of strong feelings for me. He wants to have a relationship with me but also explore things sexually outside of our relationship (which is fine) but since we really don’t have a strong foundation, or mutual feelings, I think that he will get close to his chosen Domme because she ticks all of his physical attractiveness attributes and I don’t (and that’s important to him). I mean, I’m going through the process to change the profile of my jaw (non-invasive) because that’s the one feature he finds unattractive about me and he is very hopeful that if I fix that, then he will be able to move to the next level of our relationship (but he has acknowledged that it may not). So there are many variables at play here and I’m just not comfortable with him jumping right into a D/s relationship when we’ve literally just started our relationship again and haven’t established boundaries or what our relationship will even look like. He maintains that he won’t develop feelings and that the experience he brings back from his sessions will benefit us in many ways.
Just thought I’d add that so y’all have a better picture of what things look like.

[as****]

Only one thing that we have in this whole world that's valuable. It's time! Don't waste yours! Finding someone new is so expensive in terms of time almost not worth it. Keyword almost. It is worth it

[D-****]

Sounds to me you're not into open relationships? Don't worry, we all grow closer in any type of relationship. Just keep the conversation honest and let the honesty guide you both

[Yo****]

Yeahhh… tbh I know you love him but I think you should leave him. The only way to progress in a relationship is to change your jaw?? And that alone isn’t even guaranteed…. Whether open or not, that’s fucked. Being in an open relationship doesn’t mean that one person loves the other more either. The love is equal but you wanna explore others.

If he insists that he won’t leave you, then I guess wait until you see some red flags. But again, over a jaw??? That’s wild. You’re beautiful. Change your body for YOU, not someone else. The fact that no one has pointed that out in this is crazy….

[Cu****]

Where’s the mental connection between you both? Without sounding rude, your partner only appears to be physically attracted to people. “She ticks all his physically attractive attributes, and I don’t.” He sounds like a philanderer, a bed hopper and gets his head easily turned by women who flask their eyelashes at him. Surely you’re worth more than this creature? What happens when he sees someone else who you consider more attractive than you? You admit that he’s not mentally secure and in love with you, like you are with him. Don’t cling on to someone who walks all over you, and doesn’t care. If he’s gone off with a domme, and is therefore sub, what’s he intending to bring back to your relationship? Are you done too?
Cut loose. You shouldn’t be altering your physical appearance to hang on to someone who drifts. There’s also drops or narcissism in his attitude too, blaming and shaming you for why he’s found someone else. Wake up and smell the coffee. Good luck.

[ey****]

as a side note - how do you draw a line between a relationship that is "casual" and "serious" especially if something like D/s which can often require, or become, a long term commitment - especially if "sub training"

Like what sort of play/arrangement would be acceptable to you (presumed 'casual') and which would be not (deemed 'serious') ?  

 

[Br****]

36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

as a side note - how do you draw a line between a relationship that is "casual" and "serious" especially if something like D/s which can often require, or become, a long term commitment - especially if "sub training"

Like what sort of play/arrangement would be acceptable to you (presumed 'casual') and which would be not (deemed 'serious') ?  

 

I don’t know enough about the lifestyle to define that well. I’m very new to this. Also, my partner doesn’t have strong feelings for me but wants to maintain our relationship, while I’m in love with him. So it’s beyond scary for me to give my stamp of approval when the Domme he found seems to be everything he’s looking for while he’s told me that I fall short in the looks department for him.

[Bi****]

If you have set boundaries up and been in place I'd say probably if not then I say no.

[Br****]

10 hours ago, SubbyLove1 said:

This doesn’t sound like an issue of whether or not he’ll get close to her. In an open relationship he’s gonna get close with anyone kinda the point of open relationship. I think you need to be honest with your partner and tell them you can’t handle an open relationship. If you can’t handle your partner getting close to others then you shouldn’t be in an open relationship

Well, it’s either an open relationship or nothing, essentially. I was under the impression it would just be having sex with other people, not searching for other partners. Which is why I’m so concerned about him entering the D/s relationship. That’s much more than just sex. There are many things that he would be giving to her that he won’t give to me.

[no****]

The grass isn't always greener on the other side

[2forhandsome]

I don’t think an open relationship is a long term thing , sounds like he will continue to seek your replacement until either you leave him or he leaves you.
At some point self respect will move you to want your partner all for yourself or else. Even if you love him one day it sounds like he will betray you to a point you can’t accept.
I don’t know what are the things holding you together but it seems to me he is using you as a backup plan incase his fantasy doesn’t workout.

[D-****]

Sounds to me like you're answering your own questions... You should let him know you're not ok with it and if he splits I think you're better off

[D-****]

1 hour ago, nosajjason2002 said:

The grass isn't always greener on the other side

But the grass comes back thicker and stronger... She seems to be getting used

[ey****]

2 hours ago, BraveLittleToaster said:

Also, my partner doesn’t have strong feelings for me but wants to maintain our relationship, while I’m in love with him. So it’s beyond scary for me to give my stamp of approval when the Domme he found seems to be everything he’s looking for while he’s told me that I fall short in the looks department for him.

I see a different issue here aside from open relationships - but if he doesn't have strong feelings for you; has already told you that you're not what he's looking for - then the reasons he is with you is, sadly, not *for* you.  I *** your relationship will end one way or another. 

[ca****]

7 hours ago, BraveLittleToaster said:

Our relationship is a bit complex and I feel needs to be broken down more as everyone is making assumptions based on what they think our relationship is.
We were FWB for 2 years, in a committed, monogamous relationship for a little over a year, and then went back to FWB (not what I wanted but went with it). I’m in love with him, he doesn’t have those type of strong feelings for me. He wants to have a relationship with me but also explore things sexually outside of our relationship (which is fine) but since we really don’t have a strong foundation, or mutual feelings, I think that he will get close to his chosen Domme because she ticks all of his physical attractiveness attributes and I don’t (and that’s important to him). I mean, I’m going through the process to change the profile of my jaw (non-invasive) because that’s the one feature he finds unattractive about me and he is very hopeful that if I fix that, then he will be able to move to the next level of our relationship (but he has acknowledged that it may not). So there are many variables at play here and I’m just not comfortable with him jumping right into a D/s relationship when we’ve literally just started our relationship again and haven’t established boundaries or what our relationship will even look like. He maintains that he won’t develop feelings and that the experience he brings back from his sessions will benefit us in many ways.
Just thought I’d add that so y’all have a better picture of what things look like.

This whole section throws up so many concerns for me....  as for part of your original post, can it stay casual....    this becomes a question for you... you say you love him but he does not love you... (to me) this sounds serious from your perspective but maybe less form his.

Edited July 29, 2024 by callipygian

[Mi****]

So, you’re in love with him and he doesn’t have strong feelings for you, also, he says you fall short in the looks department?? Just wow.
That’s unreal. I think you’d be better off with someone that appreciates you for who you are.
He’s going to break your heart. In my opinion and experience, I’d let him go now and do yourself a favour. Big hugs to you 🥺