Based on what I see in most of my inboxes online and what I've heard from other women about all their inboxes...it seems like it's mostly just cishet men being shitty.
Sexual harassment, fantasy spewing, weird threats, bizarre anti-women rants, desires or demands for things you're explicitly not Read more… into and indicate obvious incompatibility that he ignored, and lots lots lots lots LOTS of low-effort "hey."
It's all just...bad. So unattractive, uninteresting, and lame. Most of the time, I just block, report, delete, and ignore. They desperately want attention of some sort from women so it's best to not give them any attention at all, good or bad.
I very rarely see a cis dude compose a message worth answering. When I do, it's usually based on him *actually reading my profile* and looking for signs of real compatibility before reaching out to me.
I'm not interested in dating cishet men anymore, but back when I was the ice breakers that worked with me were discussing mutual interests that weren't just about kinks or sex. It's so boring that every dude only wants to discuss kink or sex. The topic gets tedious and overplayed when that's all they ever talk about. I crave people with an actual compatible personality, not just available genitals.

Exactly.
I myself am a "Dominant vers."
I primarily Top but there are a few kinks I enjoy bottoming for. Like wax play. I find the sensation of hot wax incredibly relaxing.
But I am always the Dominant. I run the fuck.
So my sub might be service Topping for me by pouring the wax, but they're Read more… still serving and following my commands like, "begin, higher, lower, left, right, more, less, done."
If you *recieve* oral sex we could call that "bottoming for oral." But somehow men never seem to feel that getting a blow job has placed them in the bottom position (oh right...because misogyny and porn clichés are what guide most men's concepts of what is "Dominant" and what is "submissive").
Long story short:
D/s and Top/bottom aren't the same thing.
Switching for D/s and vers for T/b aren't the same thing.
Rigging isn't being a Dominant. Rigging is just being a rope Top. Adding a D/s mutually agreed upon power dynamic is what transforms it into D/s. And a sub can be a service Top rigger.
Men need to read more books about BDSM and stop relying on porn tropes for education.

I'm a Top so honestly, it doesn't come up much for me. I am not the one ending up covered in strange marks and bruises most of the time.
If I hurt my hand/wrist punching someone and my doc asks what happened, I'll be honest that I'd hit someone consensually. Hopefully I will continue to not injure Read more… myself during impact play.
I have had needle track marks before due to practicing needle play on myself and at that time I was going in for a very specific *** draw. I was at a Planned Parenthood asking them to screen me for specific ***borne pathogens. More specifically, HIV and Hepatitis. Not because I was at risk at all, I'm not, but because Hepatitis screenings aren't included in routine *** tests unless you have a reason to ask for it.
So, the doc at the clinic asked me why I wanted Hepatitis screened for specifically (along with what the needle track marks were). I explained it to her honestly like:
"I'm planning to do needle play with a new partner. I was practicing my technique on myself. I require all new needle bottoms to get themselves tested for HIV and Hepatitis before I'm willing to Top them. Because I believe in transparency and fairness, I get myself screened for both too so that we can exchange each other's lab results prior to playing. It's one of the safety measures I require."
The doc listened, was fascinated, I showed her a pic of what needle play is, she thought it was surprisingly artistic, and she respected our approach to pre-screening and safety.
Then she had my *** labs run, I paid the clinic for their work, and I went on my merry fucking way with my digital lab results.
I'm an adult and I myself work in the medical field. I don't feel a need to lie to medical staff over things that just need a simple explanation.

Pretty basic green flag:
The ability to hold a basic, vanilla, enjoyable conversation. Just a regular damn chat.
It's incredible how few people can do that.

Hmmm...
1. I'm very talented with plants. I have a serious green thumb. My gardens are always lush, varied, and beautiful.
2. I once conned my way into a job I was never officially hired for by tricking the company into thinking they'd hired me.
3. I ran away from home at 19, put myself through Read more… college alone, and built a stable life from nothing.
4. My favorite ***s are spotted hyenas because I love their brutality and social hierarchy.
5. My favorite movie monsters are xenomorphs. My ideal fantasy afterlife (I'm an atheist so thinking about afterlives is more of a game than a serious thing to me) is being reincarnated as a xenomorph queen and destroying a planet.
Bonus 6: I've been bombed before. No joke.

I'm 32 and my age range preferences are about 27 to 40ish. I prefer to date as close to my own age as possible.
People who specifically pursue young people or as young as possible are typically predators who want an unfair and non-consensual power imbalance against their partner based on the Read more… difference in age and experience. They have the arrogance and the entitlement to think they have a right to mold a still developing ***ager into their ideal woman for themselves. And, unsurprisingly, it almost always ends badly. Usually for the women.
Every woman has a story (or a few) of the 30-50+ year old men who pursued them when they were 18-25.
I was lucky to escape that age range without being successfully preyed upon by shitty old men. Many young women are not as fortunate and those men go on to be a story of early dating trauma for those women.

Another thing men constantly get wrong about that findom kink (and all kinks actually) is that *there's more to it than porn shows you!*
I am not a findom. I'm not into *** kinks.
That said, there's an argument to be made that I am engaging in a type of financial domination with my partner, even Read more… if that isn't the goal.
Ya know what I'm doing?
I'm managing our fucking finances because I'm more skilled at it than my sub is! 😂 I'm doing all the financial advisor meetings, organizing the investing portfolios, planning out our future major expenses like kids, houses, cars, moving, retirement, etc. I am controlling our finances. I am steering our collective financial ship because I am better at it than my partner is.
That's fucking normal, by the way, guys. In a healthy relationship/marriage partners often make use of each other's individual strengths to further their shared goals as a couple. My sub is more informed than me on how to choose a great house for a reasonable price due to his background in construction and so I'll be leaning on his expertise for house selection. But when it comes to our shared financial health and investing growth, he leans on MY expertise and follows my lead.
This isn't an intentionally "findom" thing between my partner and I, but you could argue I am technically financially dominating him consensually for our mutual long term benefit. I control all the *** in the house because I'm better at it and he and I both benefit from my skills there.
That is a type of findom. Yet men only ever seem to be aware of the porn and scammer version of findom where it's just "you give me *** just cause you get off on being exploited and drained."
There's more to all these kinks than porn ever shows you, men.

I think it is the same divide that has always existed since I first got into kink about 11 years ago. Cishet men haven't done much to address their misogyny that creates it in the first place. The only difference is that kink has grown in mainstream popularity so now there's just more of the exact Read more… same in larger volumes and more frequent occurrences. Not different, just more men to cause problems with it.
One thing that has been consistently true:
What I want and what sub men are offering me are not the same thing.
What I want is collaborative D/s with a heavy emphasis on service and S/M.
What sub dudes continue to offer me is me serving their dicks and assholes.
And they continue to be confused and angry about me not being interested in that.

I mean, fuck, what do you suppose the ratios of men to non-men are on this site? 🤔
Personally, based on what I see in my DMs, my profile visitors, the forum activity, the browsing features, and the status feeds...I'm betting it's about 70-90% men on this site.
I say 70-90% because it depends on Read more… if we want to include the inactive/dead female accounts and the fake-female scammer accounts or not. Cause if we don't include those, I'm betting it's 90% men on this site.
There's a fucking reason for that. A reason men really don't want to hear about.

While plenty of people (mostly men) have launched "FemDom dating sites/apps," the problem with those (and every other niche interest dating site/app) is getting women to use them.
Cause I'll be honest, as a Dominant woman, I'd take one look at a "FemDom dating site/app" and hard nope the fuck away Read more… from it.
You might be asking, "why would a FemDom not want to be on a FemDom dating site/app???"
Well...kinda the same reason behind why women in general don't like being on dating sites/apps, why women tend to go inactive or deactivate their accounts, why women join up far less than men do:
***.
Men on dating sites/apps are extremely abusive to women on them in large volumes and very frequently. Enough that many women get sick of enduring it and stop coming to that site/app.
I, as a Dominant woman, would take one look at a "FemDom dating site/app" and already know what to expect of it: men who are Dominant bottoms who misunderstand bdsm roles enough thanks to male-written FemDom porn to call themselves "subs" treating me like garbage. Approaching me like I'm not actually a human being. Treating me like an unpaid sex worker they can pile their fantasies and demands on without my consent and then scream ***s and threats at me when I resist.
I'm not pulling that expectation out of thin air. That exact treatment is happening to me on here, for fucksake. Damn near daily.
Men don't treat women well on vanilla dating sites/apps. That issue gets exponentially worse on sites/apps that are fetish or sex oriented.
So yeah, no, I'd never use a FemDom dating site/app. I imagine most Dominant women with experience feel similarly to me on the subject.
I'd expect such a site/app to be full of very abusive men and the scammers (who probably aren't even women) willing to tolerate them to scalp cash off them.

It's probably also a good time to mention this:
White supremacists and other adjacent racist bigots used similar "logic" and claims to justify the slavery and *** of black people. White supremacists and racist bigots insisted that "black people are naturally submissive. It's in their DNA to be Read more… slaves. Black people are happiest serving a master and they need to be owned as property for their own good. They're incapable on their own, they need to be led. Slavery is good for their naturally submissive psychology." And other similar racist ass bullshit.
Does any of that language sound familiar? 🤔
Oh yeah, it's almost word-for-word how male supremacists and misogynistic bigots talk about women.
Bigotries and supremacy theories share many parallels in their exceptionally and conveniently flawed "logic." How they present is damn near identical.
Bigots are dumbasses.